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Old 04-19-2011, 08:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I wish I wasn't so sensitive

I don't understand it. I can find strength for many things life throws my way except for what people say or think of me. Every word someone says can tear me apart. Even if I don't know them. What they say matters even though I know I shouldn't always let it. If someone thinks negatively of me in some way I feel so guilty, so hurt, and so alone. I avoid people so often because of how sensitive I am to their words. To the emotional reactions that can result from what other people say. If I had 9 people compliment me and 1 say something negative, only that negative comment would linger in my mind. I feel like I have to please everyone even though it's impossible. So my avoidance continues, and I feel so alone. But deep down my biggest desire is just to be close to people, and have good friendships. Yet it feels like the attempt at getting close to people destroys me at the same time. When I start to make progress towards being more social and trying to engage people any small obstacle pushes me down so hard because I ruminate and feel ashamed for causing even the slightest discomfort or negative reaction in someone else. I don't know how to stop feeling this way.
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I don't understand it. I can find strength for many things life throws my way except for what people say or think of me. Every word someone says can tear me apart. Even if I don't know them. What they say matters even though I know I shouldn't always let it. If someone thinks negatively of me in some way I feel so guilty, so hurt, and so alone. I avoid people so often because of how sensitive I am to their words. .

What you said really hits close to home for me. All my life I've struggled with the fact that I'm over sensitive. I believe I'm more sensitive than your average person. People's words can affect me to such a great level I can burst into tears quite easily. Feeling that I might get hurt I tend to avoid people. I think that my high sensitivity is one factor that has caused me to distance myself from others and not be able to connect with them on a deeper level.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to how you're feeling. I know it's not much help at all, so I'm sorry for that...but I wish I knew how to deal with this myself too. Hopefully someone can provide some advice or tips for highly sensitive people like us.
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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What you said really hits close to home for me. All my life I've struggled with the fact that I'm over sensitive. I believe I'm more sensitive than your average person. People's words can affect me to such a great level I can burst into tears quite easily. Feeling that I might get hurt I tend to avoid people. I think that my high sensitivity is one factor that has caused me to distance myself from others and not be able to connect with them on a deeper level.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to how you're feeling. I know it's not much help at all, so I'm sorry for that...but I wish I knew how to deal with this myself too. Hopefully someone can provide some advice or tips for highly sensitive people like us.
Well, it does help to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. ^^

I think this is truly the most difficult thing to overcome in relation to my social anxiety. If I didn't feel so deeply concerned with what others were thinking about me all the time, and could just relax and be myself, I feel like things would be much better. It makes it very difficult to approach people in general or start any conversations, even when I'd like to. I want to know someone isn't going to react in a way that would make me feel bad or cause them any discomfort as well. When I do open up to people I feel very vulnerable.

I was also concerned I might not get any replies since this is the first time I've made my own topic on here that wasn't an introduction, so thank you!
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Well, it does help to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. ^^

I think this is truly the most difficult thing to overcome in relation to my social anxiety. If I didn't feel so deeply concerned with what others were thinking about me all the time, and could just relax and be myself, I feel like things would be much better. It makes it very difficult to approach people in general or start any conversations, even when I'd like to. I want to know someone isn't going to react in a way that would make me feel bad or cause them any discomfort as well. When I do open up to people I feel very vulnerable.

I was also concerned I might not get any replies since this is the first time I've made my own topic on here that wasn't an introduction, so thank you!
I also care too much about what other people think about me and constantly bombard myself with negative self-talk to the point I’m scared of beginning conversations with others. I wish I could just not give a darn what other people think.



And what a coincidence! Today I made my first topic ever on here too! Took a lot of courage for me to do that even though a person found it funny that my title was “nervous about starting a thread?”. Which in a sense was kinda silly…that I started a thread about being nervous about starting a thread. Lol



It’s not often I meet someone that understands how hard and emotionally taxing it is to be so over sensitive in a society that highly values self-confidence instead. Well, feel free to message me anytime!
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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yeah I know how you feel. Ive had a few people tell me that senstivity is a gift. But then Ive never heard of a "gift" that makes me want to smash my f**ked up head against a brick wall before! I get so frustrated at times but then I can also see that there are good things about being sensitive.

Life seems to be filled with that paradox or struggle you mentioned. Ive been seeing someone to help understand why I have unrelenting high standards and am always seeking approval from others, why it feels like the world will end if anyone thinks badly of me or something that I do... its helping and Im getting better... but that paradox is still there. I guess its just about learning how to prepare to weather the storm when it hits.

I can guarantee there are aspects of your sensitivity that are great. Its just not always easy to see them

Through life I coped with oversensitivity by becoming what I call "Hollowman". When things get too much its like switching off from everything and everyone. Its like just becoming a shell of a person. It allowed me to cope but it always makes me wonder at what cost. Here he is if you want to meet him

I'm learning better methods to cope now though... like expression through art.
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I'll tell you a funny story... I'll probably delete it as its a bit embarrasing but I took my sons to see the Movie "Tangled" last weekend. Towards the end of the movie I heard a young girl sitting behind us quietly sobbing. I laughed to myself about her sensitivity until I realised that I had been discreetly wiping tears from my face the whole movie! At least she was tough enough to make it to the end!! haha
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Old 04-19-2011, 10:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I also care too much about what other people think about me and constantly bombard myself with negative self-talk to the point I’m scared of beginning conversations with others. I wish I could just not give a darn what other people think.



And what a coincidence! Today I made my first topic ever on here too! Took a lot of courage for me to do that even though a person found it funny that my title was “nervous about starting a thread?”. Which in a sense was kinda silly…that I started a thread about being nervous about starting a thread. Lol



It’s not often I meet someone that understands how hard and emotionally taxing it is to be so over sensitive in a society that highly values self-confidence instead. Well, feel free to message me anytime!
I definitely know what you mean about the negative self-talk. It makes me very cautious. I can sometimes avoid it for a little while.. but it's difficult! >< Especially in large groups. For some reason if I'm just talking with one person at a time, I'm much more calm and can usually handle it unless they really intimidate me. If I'm in a group though my mind is rapidly wondering what every person is thinking, and how they might react to me. For example public speaking is like a living nightmare. I'm glad I managed to survive that class when I was in high school, somehow.

That is quite a coincidence both having our first topic. =) We can both be glad that we managed to accomplish something today then. It wasn't easy for me. I just sort of did it without stopping to think about it too much.
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Old 04-19-2011, 10:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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yeah I know how you feel. Ive had a few people tell me that senstivity is a gift. But then Ive never heard of a "gift" that makes me want to smash my f**ked up head against a brick wall before! I get so frustrated at times but then I can also see that there are good things about being sensitive.

Life seems to be filled with that paradox or struggle you mentioned. Ive been seeing someone to help understand why I have unrelenting high standards and am always seeking approval from others, why it feels like the world will end if anyone thinks badly of me or something that I do... its helping and Im getting better... but that paradox is still there. I guess its just about learning how to prepare to weather the storm when it hits.

I can guarantee there are aspects of your sensitivity that are great. Its just not always easy to see them

Through life I coped with oversensitivity by becoming what I call "Hollowman". When things get too much its like switching off from everything and everyone. Its like just becoming a shell of a person. It allowed me to cope but it always makes me wonder at what cost. Here he is if you want to meet him

I'm learning better methods to cope now though... like expression through art.
I do agree that sensitivity might have some benefit, but too much of it makes it harder to see that.

It really does seem like a paradox. The way I look at it is that part of me wants to be alone in order to avoid conflicts, emotional pain, and discomfort but being alone in and of itself causes me problems, emotional pain, and discomfort. I guess the goal is trying to find the right balance. I think if I just had a small to medium-sized group of friends who I felt comfortable with and were comfortable with me then I'd feel very happy and wouldn't care as much what other people think all the time. Don't have too many at the moment since I've been in a phase of isolating myself too much. But I don't know. I've also met people who I'm almost certain I'll never see again, and yet I still care what they might think of me at the time.

Also the story you posted I can relate to. I've become teary-eyed during films and I try to hide it, haha. What's worse is if the ending itself is sad and I'm hoping my eyes dry up before the lights in the theater go up again.
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Old 04-19-2011, 10:44 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I'll tell you a funny story... I'll probably delete it as its a bit embarrasing but I took my sons to see the Movie "Tangled" last weekend. Towards the end of the movie I heard a young girl sitting behind us quietly sobbing. I laughed to myself about her sensitivity until I realised that I had been discreetly wiping tears from my face the whole movie! At least she was tough enough to make it to the end!! haha

I watched it today and cried too lol, but thats just empathizing, doesnt make you overly sensitive

Being sensitive is good because it helps in emotional development, however being overly sensitive to the point where everything is seen as insult or mean jab, or makes you dwell for days is not good.

Perhaps somethings have occured in your life to make you this way. Or are you really passive and meager? If so you need to learn to be assertive and voice yourself, there are plenty books and lectures on it. However acting on it might be hard if you are passive.

I tend to have difficulty with overly sensitive people because i feel like one word and they will jump off a bridge. So joking and chilling out might be hard with them.

Best thing you can do is learn assertiveness and emotional control, and see that not everything is an attack against you. Or directed at you.
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I watched it today and cried too lol, but thats just empathizing, doesnt make you overly sensitive

Being sensitive is good because it helps in emotional development, however being overly sensitive to the point where everything is seen as insult or mean jab, or makes you dwell for days is not good.

Perhaps somethings have occured in your life to make you this way. Or are you really passive and meager? If so you need to learn to be assertive and voice yourself, there are plenty books and lectures on it. However acting on it might be hard if you are passive.

I tend to have difficulty with overly sensitive people because i feel like one word and they will jump off a bridge. So joking and chilling out might be hard with them.

Best thing you can do is learn assertiveness and emotional control, and see that not everything is an attack against you. Or directed at you.
Not everything seems like people are out to get me, I didn't mean to come across that way if I did. I feel like I'm pretty good at reading how people feel and such. But if someone is feeling something truly negative about me, even if it's rare, then I internalize it and feel like I've done something wrong. I think sometimes it's also a perfectionist type of mentality. If someone doesn't like and approve of me, I can start to doubt myself and I won't feel comfortable in showing my personality as much or be as outspoken. Which then makes me feel more anxious around people in general, because I don't know what might trigger a negative reaction (from some people, not everyone).

I can still be assertive actually when a situation calls for it. Like if someone is condescending towards me I can stand up for myself. But at the same time my face will probably turn red and my voice might become shaky, and that also makes me feel worse and I'll ruminate about it afterwards. Or just small trivial conflicts in conversations I sometimes spend too long thinking about, because I feel like I've made a mistake. If that happens I feel guilty and want to avoid it happening in the future. I think the vast majority of these situations though are fairly infrequent, it's just that they really bother me so I try to avoid it as much as possible.

I guess I can be passive when it comes to some things, because I don't feel like expending the energy it takes or I feel like I'm wasting time trying to deal with certain situations. I don't see myself ever becoming a really assertive and outspoken person though. Unless someone who has always been fairly introverted can somehow change that. I can improve on it though I'm sure, to at least some degree. I'd prefer to be somewhere in the middle though. I don't think I even desire being really assertive and outspoken at this point in my life.
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Old 06-25-2012, 12:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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The worst thing for me is to see (often bad) people succeed/get what they want basically just because they are aggressive and/or persistent, whereas I feel that my sensitivity prevents me from succeeding/getting what I want/need.
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Old 06-25-2012, 01:35 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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