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Old 05-11-2008, 12:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Ive always had the feeling like Ive never fit in and always been the outsider. From as far back as I can remeber being 10 years old in ballet class and all the girls would be talking and having fun and I would just be standing there by myself not saying a word. Now Im 22, Ive just started this new waitressing job and totally feel like I dont fit in and I cant be myself. Ive felt like that with every job Ive ever had. I know Ive had social anxiety for years now, Im on medication which helps with the symtoms alot, but the feelings and the thoughts are still there. I have all these negative thoughts that I cant get rid of and I feel like I can never be myself. Theres only a few people that I can be myself around. I do have a boyfriend whos one of those people and I talk to him alot about how Im feeling and he says, just dont think like that. But I cant control the way I think. I just hate feeling this way, I dont think Ive ever been happy, somtimes I just cry myself to sleep because I hate life so much.
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Old 05-11-2008, 12:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

It is just feelings though. Are you actively doing anything to learn the social skills you need to be confident?
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Old 05-11-2008, 12:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

I do feel like my social skills have improved alot over the years, but the negative thoughts are still there. Like I'll think that certain people dont like me or Im being too serious or Im just not saying the right things. I just think way too much about stuff and I cant turn my mind off.
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Old 05-11-2008, 03:57 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Story of my life. I never fit in anywhere. At first I may even have people approach me, but they leave me alone eventually. I guess, they're taking my passivness for a lack of interest. The only thing you can do is try to be more active, strike conversations with people on daily basis. It's hard I know. And remember that those feelings and thoughts are only the effect of SA and not true.
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:15 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Same here. Most days I feel like I'm just a visitor sitting in at the classes, but not really a PART of the class, or the school for that matter. I tend to "hide" when I can (go places around the school where there's no one there, or as few people as possible). A counter to the anxiety I guess. Some days are exceptions, but those are rare.

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Originally Posted by watashi
Story of my life. I never fit in anywhere. At first I may even have people approach me, but they leave me alone eventually. I guess, they're taking my passiveness for a lack of interest. The only thing you can do is try to be more active, strike conversations with people on daily basis. It's hard I know. And remember that those feelings and thoughts are only the effect of SA and not true.
That happened to me too. It wasn't always positive attention but in band last year other students playfully teased me about how I don't play my instrument well or loud enough, I knew it was a joke, but it still annoyed me. Other people talked to me, and made comments when I was uncomfortable (not negative by any means, just curious comments like "why are you stuttering, turning red... etc) This year, nothing. On one hand it's nice, on the other hand, it seems lonely and feels like being an outsider sometimes.

I got very little sleep last year (not because of them, but just because of not wanting to go back, and trying to prolong the time before going back to school in the morning. Worked out to about 2 hours a night ) A girl would greet me in band sometimes, I wouldn't respond most of the time cuz too sleepy at that point. She stopped this year too. I think I also looked very depressed... Oddly enough I get more sleep this year, but now I eat less. But yes, this year no attention from anyone in class. All my friends are in other classes, except for one, who I don't talk to in person much (we don't sit close enough in band to talk).

As for striking up a conversation:

1) what would I talk about? What if I can't respond to what the other person says? etc
2) worried about keeping convo going (sorta relates to #1) (I can start, keep it running for a bit, but then it wears off, start panicking thinking of what to say etc.)
3) I'm the "quiet" guy. No one expects the quiet kid to talk. (don't want unnecessary attention)


I am officially a shadow...
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Old 05-12-2008, 04:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

same situation here too.
I do wanna join in the conversation but I'm lost in conversation most of the time. plus stuff I say is so predictable...

UGH today was especially lame...get this..
the guy i'm seeing told me to stop by his office for lunch visit.
but when I got there, he already had his lunch, so I decided to hang out at his office.

3guys facing the computer in the office, with dead silence.
basically i walked around, made some stupid remarks and ran out of the office weirded out and pissed.

i mean.. what would anyone do in that situation?
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Old 05-12-2008, 06:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Same here, I always feel kind of left out of things. Even when I am included, it feels more like they're "allowing" me to be included, or doing it out of charity, rather than actually wanting me there. I almost never hang out in groups anymore - I'm usually just with one person that I'm comfortable with. These days that person is my boyfriend, and I really have no desire to hang out with anyone else.
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

I don't know what it is that makes me feel like the victim at all times ......
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Old 05-28-2008, 01:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Those of us who don't feel we fit in must understand our own unniqueness. Fitting in is not a requirement for a happy life. Some of us will never "fit in" with the norm. Also fitting in is not always the best thing. Find your own passions in life and pursue them. The people you do eventually become close to are the ones that really matter. Your gifts are inside of you, you simply have to find them and follow them with passion. If you do that everything will fall in place. Don't dwell on those who don't include you, because finding yourself, passions, must come first. We all have a code to live by, just find it. It may take awhile but it is in you already. Different is better in my opinion!
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Old 05-30-2008, 03:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Hi Cactus

Thanks for that - it makes a lot of sense.
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Old 05-31-2008, 07:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Thanks, Hope it helps. You know there are so many things that can help you never know for sure which one but I do believe something can.
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Old 05-31-2008, 07:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: I never feel like I fit in, Im always the outsider.

Quote:
Originally Posted by quietgal
Same here, I always feel kind of left out of things. Even when I am included, it feels more like they're "allowing" me to be included, or doing it out of charity, rather than actually wanting me there.
Sounds pretty familiar.
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