I Need a Joke

[Optimistic]

I could really use some humor right now. A silly joke. A corny joke. Whatever, it doesn't matter.

I'm afraid that in my recent frustrations that I'm going to start taking things too seriously. I need a breather. I need to lighten up.

So, yes, I'm reaching out to my wonderful pals here on SAS. Anybody have a funny or stupid joke? A funny story? I need a quick fix for my frustration.

Thank you for all donations, and I will be forever grateful to you.

[kikachuck]

I got one for ya... this works every time....

A guy walks into a bar and says 'ouch'

[H.awkeyeM.att]

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

[mismac]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqXdLEn5OSU

watch it with the sound on.

[OneIsALonelyNumber]

My favorite Laffy Taffy joke:

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

A: because he didn't have any body to go with.

[Perfectly~Flawed]

Chores on the Farm
A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?"
"No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"

"You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."

The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.

Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"

"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."

Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml

[Chewie33]

My favourite silly little joke is:

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

Cute, but can it pickup peanuts?

[jerzeyb]

a man walks into a doctor's office...he has a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery up his nose....the doctor takes one look at him and says......
'you're not eating properly!'

hope that helps...it's the best i've got.

[mismac]

Kevin James and a stripper pole: http://youtube.com/watch?v=WjOfyS7ZTn0
Set up for that scene: Doug decides to show Carrie how to work the stripper pole after seeing how terrible she is with it.

[lilly]

A man went to a very posh restaurant and the owner said, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in here without a tie". So the man went back to his car, got the jumper leads out of the boot and tied one of them around his neck in a bow. He went back to the restaurant and said, "Can I come in now?" The owner said, "Certainly, sir -- but just don't try to start anything."

[Optimistic]

Originally Posted by lilly

A man went to a very posh restaurant and the owner said, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in here without a tie". So the man went back to his car, got the jumper leads out of the boot and tied one of them around his neck in a bow. He went back to the restaurant and said, "Can I come in now?" The owner said, "Certainly, sir -- but just don't try to start anything."

Oh, that one was baaadddd!

Thank you for all the great jokes--they were great and made my day.

[nes3]

go on youtube.com and look at family guy clips hilarious