I'm too serious, and inexperienced, and boring - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 04:27 PM Thread Starter
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I'm too serious, and inexperienced, and boring

I'm trying to improve but in the meantime why do I have to suffer loneliness until I reach perfection?
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 08:44 PM
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taking things to seriously was one of my biggest problems and probably had the worst effect on me. I remember falling off my bike back in elementary school, when I still had the nerve to go out, and some dude was driving by and stopped to ask if I was alright, I stood there and looked at him and then hurried off because in school they really emphasized the importants of not talking to strangers, I took it further than I should have and that's only one situation out of many, but seriousness really messed up my life.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 08:52 PM
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"Why so serious?" As the Joker would say...

But yes, people tell me that I seem boring all the time. Not in a disrespectful way or anything, usually just in a casual, sorta teasing manner, to which I sarcastically reply, "I know, right?" And then they kinda laugh, and I kinda sorta try to break out a little smile, at which point they move on in whatever they were doing before they felt the urge to speak to me or just decide to hold a little small talk. That's usually how it always goes.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 12:17 AM
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Those three apply to me. The inexperience bit is the worst.

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 01:11 AM
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all 3 = me.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 05:05 AM
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I know i'm boring, i know i'm serious but why do people think that telling me this will change me? I mean if i've put up with it this long why cant they? This is who i am! The moment people tell me this i become more serious and more boring and cant get away from them quick enough.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 11:06 AM
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i think i can relate to what you said.
i feel like i want to meet new people, make friends etc. but not as the person i am now. i feel like i need to change before i'm worthy of having friends.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-11-2013, 12:14 PM
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I can relate to those three. My friend told me I was boring back in jr. high and that killed it, I was so sad afterwards but got over it and we've been good friends since.
I actually envy those people that seem to be open and loose all the time, because they're able to have fun and for me, I can't seem to loosen up like them and really enjoy what I should be enjoying. I guess people have different ways of loosening up though... yet I still feel 'rigid'
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-18-2014, 05:48 PM
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I've been told by an almost ex that I was boring, it really hurts because you have all these insecurities in your head and when you look to the person you like for approval, and they see and point out things you hate about yourself you feel even worse because you know you can't accept yourself and then you get that realization that maybe no one will. One time we we're just kissing and he said to me " you have no idea what you're doing, do you?" I felt so embarrassed, it discouraged me from wanting to do more because I no longer felt comfortable. But ya 19, completely inexperienced, and apparently boring haha

I guess try to think of the positive in this, someone will probably be happy to be with you because you don't have much experience. and if that doesn't make you feel better one time I was so nervous kissing this said boy that I had to stop and go throw up
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-19-2014, 06:34 AM
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If someone calls you boring it's their fault for not being interested. Not your fault for being "boring".

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-08-2014, 01:12 AM
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I was always told this by both peers and adults as a kid. Even today, I am told this. I wasted a lot of years on introspection. DO I need to lighten up? Is what everyone is telling me correct? AM I boring?

I tried to keep these questions in mind when I would talk with people - especially strangers. I'm not an arrogant person, so I took what people were telling me as "constructive criticism," and I tried everything to work on these "faults."

I did EVERYTHING - from laughing at jokes I didn't find funny to being excited about circumstances I really didn't care about. I put down my books and turned off my television. I made many efforts to go to social gatherings whether with friends or alone.

In the end, it made me as enjoyable to be around as it was for me putting on these performances. I was being fake to relate. The people and places I learned to surround myself with never gave me the sense of belonging and peace of mind I was looking for. It didn't make sense, until I opened my eyes and looked at the situation and MYSELF objectively.

The truth is simple and inevitable. I am who I am. It's not something that can, nor should, be changed. I am a serious person and there's NOTHING wrong with that. Life is not a joke - not if you're living in reality. It's full of responsibilities and uncertainties. You cannot always "live it up." There are many times when you have to do what you hate and think ahead.

I realized that by forcing myself to be more expressive, I was putting on a mask that was bringing people I didn't relate to closer and people that REALLY understood me farther. I was doing fun things and surrounded by fun people, but I felt empty.

I became very aggravated being around people who could only read my mask instead of my nature, so I took off the mask. Everything reverted, and I'm even happier than before. The people that are in my life, although fewer, truly understand me and my feelings. They know that while I do not joke all the time, I am also sincere and compassionate. When I DO laugh and joke, it's because I'm ACTUALLY having fun and not trying to keep up the ambience.

They also appreciate my seriousness with their confidence. You don't go up to wild child friends with serious issues and questions. You go to the friends that see life as it is and have learned to stay on their feet taking it head on. The "serious" people. The kind of people who stop and think about all aspects of life instead of drowning out life's problems by "going with the flow." By NOT being afraid to show my serious side, I have deeper connections with people around me. In fact, I've learned many people use "humor" as a barrier, not an icebreaker.

Ultimately, what I'm trying to say is that you should embrace who you are. If people find you boring or serious, it's because they don't understand you. I'm not saying you shouldn't get out there and experience life to the fullest (get the hell of your couch!), but I am saying you should surround yourself with people who actually get you and WANT to get you (believe me - they're out there).

I've never met a person who doesn't know how to take a joke or have fun. EVERYONE has a sense of humor and fun. Some people express these qualities every chance they get while others only express them when they're warranted. Both types are needed in this world.

Sorry for the novel!

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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-08-2014, 04:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Non View Post
I'm trying to improve but in the meantime why do I have to suffer loneliness until I reach perfection?
U don't, but u start from ground zero.

I know there are girls that could like me in my current state, but I know I can be a much happier and cooler person. BUt I don't feel near good enough for my top girls I seen and/or met.

So for me, like last night, I talked to 9-10 girls, and did ok, for a beginner that actually has overcome most approach anxiety. So although I still feel barely any closer to getting with a cute girl........I know I'm supposed to be happy and NOT as lonely, because at least in total last night I might have spent 30 minutes in total talking to girls.

So that was my GF time basically. Last fall/winter, I might have had 5 minutes total in a whole night talking to girls. Before that I had even less talking time. And for years I only said hi and thanks to store girls.

Now I type these optimistic things, too bad I don't think them all day.......I'm still way too sad, lonely, depressed, etc
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