I'm feel so lonely and miserable...
Hey guys i just need to vent a bit if you can stick with me, i'll try to keep it short.
Lately i've been thinking about my past and can't help but feel like i could have done so much better. The only thing i can think of are the people who have given me a hard time and never gave me a fair chance.
All through primary and high school i was made fun of or completely ignored, i spent my whole school life sitting off in the background somewhere with my head down doing my work in the hope no one would notice me. Never started any trouble, never bad mouthed anyone, never spoke bad of anyone, always polite and nice but people seem to look at me and treat me like a nothing. The worse day was the last day of school when they were giving awards to people for various things and i ended up winning the "Never smiles" award.
After highschool i did sign up for college however i only lasted 2 weeks and i couldn't handle it anymore and left.
My first job i landed i was harrassed by a co-worker to the point where work place standards got involved because the boss wouldn't do anything even when he started to get violent.
My second job i worked in a warehouse yet i was called into the bosses office constantly because i wasn't "happy enough" and he told me to think about how i can improve myself because i was to quiet ( in a warehouse ?)
It's been quite a few months now since i lost my job, i haven't left the house at all, i don't have contact with anyone but my parents on a day to day basis, answering the damn phone has even become to much for me and i don't know what to do.
It's gotten to the point where i'm sitting up at 3-4 in the morning in tears wondering how i left my life go to ****.
I just want to be normal, get my drivers license, have a job, have a couple of friends to hang out with that's it however i can't bring myself to achieve any of it, fear of failure or screwing up holds me back and i'm paranoid that my family see me as a failure because i haven't accomplished anything in life which is destroying me.
I'm 19 now and i want to start getting my life back on track, if you guys have any advice on how i can start bringing myself back into society after 7 months of iscolation would be much appreciated, i'm sick of my SA controlling me.