I'm becoming a recluse. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-01-2009, 10:42 PM Thread Starter
Comfortably Numb
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I'm becoming a recluse.

After trying to fix my SA for over a decade I'm getting to the point where I believe I might actually be healthier becoming that creepy recluse person who never comes to town except when they need groceries. Over the past decade I've tried just about everything to attempt to become "normal" and get rid of SA and yet I'm still nervous 24/7. I'm not exaggerating here. I'm literally extremely nervous from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. I'm even nervous in my dreams! Every single social situation is exhausting and this includes talking to family whom I live with. If I'm not in a social situation I'm still extremely nervous because I'm dwelling on the fact more social interactions are likely to come. You know what? I'm even nervous writing this post. I'm even starting to notice I'm becoming somewhat of a misanthrope; likely due in part to SA.

Unfortunately I'm at a point in my life where I have no medical insurance and since I'm in the USA I can't seek therapy or get a prescription for any medications. (I'm unemployed due to SA and can't afford to pay for health insurance) Back when I had health insurance, almost a decade ago, I tried a lot of drugs which didn't help but I was only a teen then. It'd be nice to try the medication/therapy route again now that I'm a bit older, 26 to be exact, but there's no way I can afford it so it's not really an option.

It's funny, I've given thought to just moving out in the middle of nowhere, similar to the movie "Into The wild". (But with better planning and less social interaction) At least then I wouldn't be nervous about social interactions. I'd be far too busy making sure a grizzly bear isn't about to eat my ***. Over the last year I've actually given it serious thought yet I haven't gotten the guts to actually attempt it. It may be that I know I'm just running from the problem rather than fixing it. (Then again, running from the problem is better than dealing with it on a constant basis) Part of me even wonders if the independence and isolation would be good for my SA; perhaps being so isolated would make me love social interaction? Who knows.

Anyhow, sorry for the long rant. I haven't posted here in years, likely due to SA, and I probably won't again due to the same reason. Isn't SA great?
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-01-2009, 11:01 PM
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I love the dog in your avatar.

I understand where your coming from and feel the same way sometimes. Unfortunately the economy, college, financial reasons, and some other stuff are holding me back from any move at all. However, I think moving out in the middle of no wheres might make things worse, because you'd be avoiding everyone and everything. But thats what we are doing now...hmm...
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-01-2009, 11:19 PM
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I became the Western equivalent of a hikikomori spending years as a recluse, I also developed strong misanthropic attitudes and even got interested on self-sufficiency and off-the-grid projects. Right now I work as a manager for a restaurant and can tell you that my general opinion about people and modern trends in general has not changed. It's important that you at least learn to control your fear of social situations so you can go out to enjoy food, a drink, or whatever it is that makes you happy... exposure is the only true way. You can get over this by yourself. Self-defeating thoughts can be eliminated through repetition of thoughts of opposite nature and gradual exposure so you can actually experience if x situation is as bad as you actually think it is. "Fake it till you make it."
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-20-2012, 11:15 AM
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I see your posting is really old, but I'm nervous 24/7/365 also. Hate it! It makes me feel so down; heart beats rapidly, arm shakes, eyes burn, head aches, etc. I'm really close to being a recluse. Hate going out. Have been in my bedroom for most of last few weeks. Bouffon talked about eliminating self-defeating thoughts... I'd really like to do this but don't know how. I've tried repetition of opposite thoughts, but I can't break through it. Any more help? I'd so appreciate it!
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-20-2012, 12:06 PM
Thanks for Understanding.
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Originally Posted by Steve215 View Post
I might actually be healthier becoming that creepy recluse person who never comes to town except when they need groceries.
jeez, thanks
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-20-2012, 07:01 PM
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Short bouts of reclusiveness have not worked for me in the past to want to be social more. If you are avoiding social interaction because you are afraid of it, that reinforces itself. Facing it constantly is better, even if you have to try harder. At least you can say you tried. Neither option seems too good, does it? Hellish game, isn't it?

I've thought about the worrying about surviving the wild as a number 1 priority. Makes you wonder if in a simple hunter/gatherer civilization we would actually be functional.

I have existed since the creation of this world and I will continue to exist until its end. Only my form will change. For these 80 human life years I seem to have the benefit of having a functioning body and consciousness. I will not waste this precious opportunity.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-09-2013, 11:36 AM
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Aww, the people here seem so sad and lonely...
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-09-2013, 11:59 AM
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That's where i'm at in life. Only I've come to accept my overall situation.

I think it helps if you stop thinking of yourself as a 'creep' just because you dont fall in line with some societal norms.

We're all individuals, we're all diffrent. Anybody who tries to 'sum you up', 'put you in a box', or try to tell you what to do are not worth the energy. Unless it's to to take a stand for yourself and tell them off.

As long as you don't act like a 'creep' (I bet you only do that when those negative thoughts bog over you), people can care less if you're reclusive or misanthropish. I continue to suprise people when they find those things out about me after they got to know me. Some go out of their way to try to 'help' me .

I agree with the 'fake it til' you make it' policy. More people do this than you think.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-09-2013, 02:46 AM
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I typed social recluse in Google and found myself here. (Like exactly here. This post :P) This is the first support forum I've ever joined, but I've been living with SA for well over 10 years. Lets see how this goes.
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