FWIW, I feel for you. you have had a long run of bad luck and a huge dose of life isn't fair crap. I am sorry for that.
however, it is always possible to start over yet again. I know people must be soooo sick of me saying this, but 32 is not too late to do anything. ok, well, perhaps you will not be the prom king, or start that high school band, etc etc....
but I am 45 and starting over (again). looking back, I wish I'd realized just how much was still open to me at 32.
If you still want to do something, start now. and go easy on yourself. it doesn't have to happen overnight. You have time.
sometimes, all that matters is picking one thing, just one thing you want to do, and seeing it through to the very bitter end.
you have a lot of unfinished stuff, it sounds to me. lots of loose ends, fizzled out trails. perhaps seeing something through may give you a lot of satisfaction - knowing you have the self discipline and perseverance to do it - perhaps this may help more than anything. i don't know. just guessing. pick one thing and do whatever you have to do to accomplish it?
good luck, and vent more if you want. if nothing else, forums such as this can be places for venting too.
Live Cage Free!!!! or, at least be wild caught.
You can rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it into a way that others cannot destroy it anymore.