[This is quite tl;dr, so if you hate reading, I'll post a summary at the bottom.]
Not sure if anybody remembers me since I'm not exactly an active member, but I posted a while ago about going on a job interview. I don't know if I ever updated that thread, but it went pretty well, and the interviewer liked me, but his boss said he needed to pick somebody with experience, which I understand.
I still applied to jobs here and there; of course, I never heard from any of them, but that's alright. I even applied to the NYC SYEP (this has great significance, trust me) because I was desperate. I decided that maybe I should try volunteering instead - sure, there would be no money involved, but I'd get experience and some social interaction out of the deal. Naturally, my lazy self never bothered calling the library, but alas! My cousin's place needed a file clerk, so she told her boss about me, and I was hired instantly.
Unfortunately, the travel was a bit monotonous, the boss was a very... "loud" woman, and nobody seemed like they really wanted to HAVE to train me, just threw me into tasks and then wanted me to ask them if I needed help. To be blunt: it sucked. They knew about my SA, but I don't think they understood
it. And so I quit after a week (just like with the first job that I held when I was 18 at McDonald's).
Well, luck came my way once more, and I was one of the lucky ones who got chosen for the SYEP! Cool, right? Well, the application process, choosing my job, and orientation weren't that bad at all, despite having to be in a crowded room for a while (at least I didn't have to do much interacting, beyond being asked a few questions). Sadly, there was very little diversity in terms of jobs, and I had NO IDEA a) what each job entailed, and b) where any of them were located. Luckily, I chose a job I can get to by bus within 10 minutes, but...
But. It's at a store. My only options were working at a store, or working at a summer camp/school program/place for children and/or the elderly. Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly, maybe I was just being really stupid. But... tomorrow, I start my job. And I am ****ing scared out of my mind
. Maybe I should have asked if they had any jobs where I wouldn't have to interact with people all that much. Maybe I should've just said forget it, dropped the whole thing and tried to volunteer (because there's less commitment there, so it would be easier for me). But no. I have now placed myself in a situation where I am stuck working at this place for seven weeks, and while that's not a long time to some, it is to me.
I should probably also mention that I literally just started taking 50mg sertraline daily on Sunday night, which I think was a big mistake to try at this point. Now I've been having the worst time sleeping for the past few nights (I can sleep, but I toss and turn a lot and my "dreams" are not... like dreams at all - it's odd), and I can't tell if it's from the medication, the stress, or possibly even both. I know it usually takes a while for medication to work for some people, but any time I ever took anything, it never took more than a week at most.
Tl;dr - I think I screwed up big time and now I'm stuck working a job I can't just quit because it's through a city program, and I really think I messed up by not speaking up in the first place about possibly getting something easier because of my SA/starting my medication right before I have to start working (which is tomorrow).