Ive been having this problem for ages now and it seems to be getting worse all the time. When i'm trying to concentrate on something, i keep thinking of the future costs and benefits of concentrating on it - this stops me from ACTUALY concentrating on it and usualy spurs my mind on to think about other things. Also in the vast majority of times, as i am trying to concentrate on something, my mind tells me something like "you're not normal, don't think that you can actualy concentrate on this. you just won't be able to. remember, don't forget that you're strange.
" I mean, I cant seem to focus on anything important or not important, and even things that i enjoy. I am envious in a way of people that can focus on things and am annoyed with myself for not being able to do so.
To illustrate an example, just now I was trying to read something off the BBC news website. The article (not that it matters) was entitled "David Miliband second Labour contender to clear hurdle"
) and so as i started to read it after the first couple of lines, i started not to think of the words i was reading, instread thinking along these lines: "ok this is good that i am reading about politics, it will help me in the future to develop as a person. wicked, im reading about politics and gaining knowledge about it. this is probably a good idea because now i might have something to say about this in a conversation. I mean, the problem is that I don't know enough. i wonder if i should be reading this particular topic and not another. what if there's a topic that i should be reading instead that might be more important to know about in the future? What are the benefits of reading this article compared to a different one? Is it a good idea to read this? I don't have all the time in the world, maybe i should be reading something else? Maybe i shouldn't even be thinking about reading this website and be concentrating more on something else?
" - by this point i had probably read around 90% of the article without even realising that i had read it and i couldnt remember a single thing that I had read. I read it again 3 more times and still couldn't remember a ****ing single detail because the same thing happend. This doesn't just go for reading - it happens in nearly all things i do which require some concentration e.g. watching tv, listening to the radio, listening to someone talking, trying to sleep etc.
I duno y this happens. i mean, i discussed it with my family for instance and none of them feel the same way at all. Mayb this is just normal tho. ****, i duno. i need to know!
Thanks 4 ur time.