I hate phony people - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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I hate phony people

I work with this girl who seems pretty nice. She seemed to be quiet and shy like me. Most people I work with seem to be too judgmental and act like they are better than others, but I thought she was different. Then we had a staff meeting today and she was acting totally stuck up and fake, like laughing loudly at other people's jokes and looking like she was trying to fit in better than me. It was like she could sense my nervousness and used it against me. Other women have done this to me in the past, but like I said, I thought she was different and more down to earth. This is another reason why I have no friends and don't make efforts to make friends, because I have learned that you just can't trust people. I give up on people.
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 03:28 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

Hey there Holden,
Sometimes I feel very shy, but will act loud and outgoing. This makes me feel phony, but what else can I do? Sit there silent and alone in a corner? Run away?
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 03:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hate phony people

No, it was like she was doing it purposefully to make me uncomfortable. I was already uncomfortable to begin with.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 04:31 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

How do you know what her intentions were? Specifically, what makes you think she had the intention in her mind to make you uncomfortable?

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He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hate phony people

A lot of times other women feel threatened by me so they try to "outdo me" or show that they are better in some way. I felt like she was doing the same, thus not a friendly person as I originally thought.
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 04:59 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

Why do you think they are threatened by you?

AIM: adamhoef

He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 05:14 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

yes...i dont like fake people either....its hard to actually find people who you can really click with......

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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 06:04 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

i can't related to your situation specifically but in general phoniness is one of the qualities i find most unattractive and i dislike them most.


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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 06:14 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

I've been in a similar situation before. I hate it too. I can't stand them, it is so hard to be nice to someone who is such a fake. I live with someone who is like that...but let's not go there...

But I do know what you mean, there are situations like that. I just wanted you to know that i've had that happen to me.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hate phony people

Quote:
Originally Posted by ardrum
Why do you think they are threatened by you?
I'm not really sure, but women always seem to be threatened by me.
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 08:11 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

My mother feels the same as you. She always say people(even strangers on the street) are doing bad thing behind her because they are theatened by her which is not true in my opinion.
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 08:14 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

Quote:
Originally Posted by jane
Hey there Holden,
Sometimes I feel very shy, but will act loud and outgoing. This makes me feel phony, but what else can I do? Sit there silent and alone in a corner? Run away?
Omg i thought of the same exact thing! (the Holden part)

OK anyway,
not that you are wrong or anything but you kinda seem paranoid, how do you know this girl is out to get you? Maybe you feel this way because she failed in your requirements as a potential friend. Maybe she was just trying to fit in herself. I dont see why you would be upset unless she made a direct attack at you.

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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 10:32 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 11:08 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

ha. I actually feel like that sometimes when I saw less social than me. Just have that "I am better than you" feeling meeting with those less social people. It is sad because I shouldn't be like that.
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 08:07 AM
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Re: I hate phony people

I admire the honesty here. That's a lack of phoniness right there!

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He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 09:29 AM
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Re: I hate phony people

x

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Stay with me,
You're all I see...



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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 10:41 AM
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Re: I hate phony people

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluewater01
I work with this girl who seems pretty nice. She seemed to be quiet and shy like me. Most people I work with seem to be too judgmental and act like they are better than others, but I thought she was different. Then we had a staff meeting today and she was acting totally stuck up and fake, like laughing loudly at other people's jokes and looking like she was trying to fit in better than me. It was like she could sense my nervousness and used it against me. Other women have done this to me in the past, but like I said, I thought she was different and more down to earth. This is another reason why I have no friends and don't make efforts to make friends, because I have learned that you just can't trust people. I give up on people.
Yeah I totally relate. That was high school all over. Don't let anyone call you "paranoid" because girls will do this s**t to each other to make themselves feel better. She probably is intimidated by you so just keep that in mind...as catty as it sounds, whenever I encounter a b*tchy girl I always think, "Well, at least I'm prettier" or something. It helps me put THEIR behavior into perspective.


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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-17-2008, 06:06 PM
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Re: I hate phony people

I often feel that way with complete strangers I know nothing about. I assume that I am superior in them in some way, probably in intelligence. In a way I would rather feel inferior in the presence of other people than superior, but I believe they are two sides of the same dysfunctional coin anyway. And yet I can barely say hi back to strangers when they say hi to me, and I NEVER say hi to anyone I don't know unless I am being introduced by someone else.

(I'm glad I finally let that out so it doesn't simmer inside my head as much)

I am opening myself up wide to your criticism, I have long recognized the irrationality of my attitude, but don't know where to go from there. I am afraid of opening myself up to people. I don't mind judgment because I am ready for this to change.

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That you're not stuck in vain"
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 10:39 AM
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I've read that narcissists feed on other people's self esteem. Sinking them down for them(narcissists) to feel worth it.
Society seems to be full of narcissists. Don't let them feed on your self esteem. Keep the most serious relationship with them, or avoid them if you can, that's better.
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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-22-2011, 10:50 AM
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Yeah i also feel that your coming over quite paranoid.

How do you know she was threatened by you or trying to make you feel uncomfortable. As you say she was quite shy so maybe she has trouble fitting in like most of us here, whats wrong with her wanting to join in with people and making friends, whether its her being fake or not i bet she went home feeling better inside that she made an effort.

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