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Old 10-31-2009, 01:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I get anxious because i never know what to say..

when i am in any social situation, i always find it hard to think of something interesting or appropriate to say.. which makes it really hard to maintain an interesting conversation. this gets me really down..i don't go out alot and socialise.. when i do, it seems to make me feel worse. sure, meds and councilling may help with anxiety.. but it won't help me to become an interesting person.. i've come to realise that it's always going to be this way.. i will always be lonely and unhappy.
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Old 10-31-2009, 04:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I can relate, I never really know how to do the small talk stuff. Anxiety prevents you from thinking straight so it's hard to come up with stuff to say.
Maybe you could try to like 'prepare' a bit before your next social 'thing'. Think of some stuff you want to ask whoever you're going with so you have some 'ammo'. Though, I guess that might feel fake or something, I don't know.

Anyway, hope you feel beter soon
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Old 10-31-2009, 04:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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yeah this has been a fear of mine lately. It keeps me from starting conversations because I'm terrified that I will not know what to say at some point and then the other person will just never want to talk to me again. It is weird because I can often of something to say later on after a conversation but in the moment it's like I blank. Anyway, don't say it will always be this way because that certainly does not have to be true.
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Old 10-31-2009, 05:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alys View Post
It is weird because I can often of something to say later on after a conversation but in the moment it's like I blank.
That, yes, always think of things too late when it's no longer appropriate to bring it up =/
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Same thing here. It'll come to me after too much time has passed and it will just be akward.
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Wow. That is very much me as well. I feel like I don't have anything important or interesting or worthy to say so I tend not to say anything. It has greatly improved though! I don't think people really care if you say stupid things, it probably won't be thought of as stupid to them anyways. And if it does seem stupid to someone, they are not worth your time.
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Old 10-31-2009, 11:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Well when I hear someone say something stupid, in no way do I hold it aginst them, but I'm thanking my lucky stars it wasn't me. I get those looks and just feel like cowarding behind something.
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:01 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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i have the same problem, can't think of anything to say. or if i do think of something to say, it comes out weird and the other people in the conversation say "what?" or just look at me like "ok, that was f***ed up right there".
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I have the same problem with people I'm not familiar or comfortable with. It's effortless to have 2 hour conversations with a few people I'm close to, but for everyone else, I just smile and nod, hoping to leave without it getting oto awkward. A few years back, I had a supervisor at work whom's kids I never asked or mentioned about, despite having known him for a year and seen all his pictures at his desk.
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I know its hard, and I think that what ever I want to say will sound stupid that I just end up hardly saying anything.I think its because we over think everything that we might say , whereas other people who are very talkative tend to just talk without thinking.
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:47 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Don't say that! Sure you'll always be lonlely and unhappy if you believe it. You don't have to be an "interesting person" who always has the perfect thing to say. All the time I come across people who say things I would have deemed inappropriate for various reasons, had I said them myself. But as it turns out, I just take things too seriously sometimes.

I definitely struggle to find "the right thing to say" in a lot of situations. Asking questions has helped me a lot. When you don't have a whack to share about yourself, learn about the person you're talking to. I guarantee they'll be happy you're taking an interest. Even if you only are to get through the conversation .
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Old 11-01-2009, 07:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Yeah me too. It is the anxiety that keeps you from coming up with things to say, it's not just the way you are. Do you have a best friend or someone that you're particularly close to? Can you think of things to say around them? I can and that's how I know I'll get better.
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Old 11-01-2009, 08:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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or you never know what to say because youre anxious?

i find that if you take the focus off yourself you naturally know more to talk about
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Old 12-11-2009, 06:24 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I just did a search in google for 'I cannot think of anything to say' and found this post. I recognised recently that I have social anxiety. I guess I didn't realise to what extent it affected me. It is so comforting to know that there are people in the same situation. I am 26 now.. I have never had a long term relationship. I have felt so low at times. Things are looking better though, I think that I just have to see a psychologist and have cognitive behavioral therapy. I have realised also that to a very large extent, there are physiological factors that greatly influence my state of mind. Ie, I have recently been diagnosed as being hypoglycemic. After eating sugary foods or foods that have high carbs, I would feel very sluggish, and in this state, I could hardly think straight (my blood sugar was going all over the place), and to even try to socialize in this state was next to impossible. Sometimes I literally couldn't even speak to people. I couldn't even force myself to smile, it's like my facial muscles were paralyzed. Now I am on a high protein/low carbs diet, and life is a lot easier.. however I still feel 'disconnected' from most people.. when I interact its not 'natural', all the responses and cues are 'learned' and I tell people what they want to hear, as its easiest, and will result in the interaction ending the soonest.

Anyhow, it is so comforting to know that I am not alone in this. Love to you all.
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Old 12-11-2009, 07:19 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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i never really know what to say, so i just start quoting movie lines until it gets really awkward =)

or i let my mind wander and say everything out loud until they think i'm crazy haha
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Old 12-11-2009, 10:20 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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i feel unitersting too. i can't really start or hold a conversation i feel, which is the basis for a friendship
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Old 12-11-2009, 05:32 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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This is a great tip I think.

http://stylethroughintelligence.com/...sation-run-out
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Old 12-11-2009, 06:00 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I can never hold a conversation either, or be interesting enough to make somebody want to be friends with me instead of just an acquaintance out of convenience. If I ever try to put an effort into it, I'll end up stuttering or muttering and just come off sounding fake. And I hate it when they can't hear/catch me and they go, "what's that?". I could feel my soul being crushed.
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Old 12-11-2009, 08:00 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Me too Either a) My mind is blank. b) My life is uninteresting so I have nothing to talk about. c) I am afraid to ask them questions because I am afraid to come across to nosy or I am afraid they will ask me those same questions back and I don't want to talk about myself.
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dust3000 View Post
Me too Either a) My mind is blank. b) My life is uninteresting so I have nothing to talk about. c) I am afraid to ask them questions because I am afraid to come across to nosy or I am afraid they will ask me those same questions back and I don't want to talk about myself.
Exactly what I think ;A;
A lot of people seem to always talk about the latest parties they been to too .. and I'm not really interested in getting wasted and s*** : |
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