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Old 09-21-2010, 04:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I can't stand people, myself, or my life anymore

I have BDD. I am ugly. I walk funny. All men, young or old, are constantly staring me down, sizing me up, etc., and women either don't even notice me, or they puke in their mouths after they look at me, because I am so repulsive and pathetic to them. I can't step out my front door because somebody always trys staring me down. I'm basically a prisoner in my own house. I go to work, and the store for groceries, and that's pushing it. I need to put up a higher back fence because some lady was walking on the back street, staring at me. Like a wussy, I looked away as I usually do, then looked back a moment later and she was still staring at me, only walking the opposite direction now. I want to scream at her. I used to come into our street from the east, but can't now because some tough guy is always sitting on his porch staring at me as I turn the corner. I even once tried waving at him, and he doesn't wave back. Just keeps staring at me. I want to shove his ciggarette up his nose. So then I come in from the west side to avoid him. Only now, it's another tough guy who also just happens to be the president of our little sub division, who stares me down every time I drive by. It tears me up so bad I completely had a total rage-attack when I got home. It's pretty much every body on my street. I've made efforts introducing myself, waving, but it never matters. I'm a target. I pay a lawn service to do our front. My wife does other front yard work. She gets the mail. She takes the trash bin to the curb. All in an effort to prevent me from getting into it with the next idiot who wants to try and stare me down. I can't hang christmas lights. Shoveling my driveway is a real luck pusher as well, because ofcourse I get stared at doing that, to. People have hated me and have picked on me in one way or another since the first day I can remember. I have such an uncontrollable rage that I fear that one day I'm going to literally explode at the next idiot man or woman who feels the need to stare at me. I worry about getting arrested for assault, spending life in prison being some jerk's girlfriend, losing my freedom, my beautiful new home, and my precious wife. I'm at wit's end. I swear I'm finally gonna pipe up and ask the next person what they're staring at, and I greatly fear the consequences, but this BS has gotta stop!!!! I am going to blow and I can't stop it. Does anybody else ever feel this way?? I feel like I'm going to lose it all. I'd kill myself if I weren't so afraid of going to Hell for all eternity for doing it.
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Old 09-21-2010, 04:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I do feel this way. I feel I walk funny and people are looking at me, thinking bad things. I've managed to convince myself it's just in my mind, and even if it isn't, their opinions don't mean anything. They can't hate me more than I do. But don't risk your freedom over other people. Walk by them with your head up, looking straight. You can only know people are looking at you if you're looking at them too.
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Old 09-21-2010, 05:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I used to feel, think, act this same exact way. What stopped it? I don't know. I guess I got a little confident in myself? I mean I'm still fat, still have huge hands and feet, I walk funny as well because of a hip slippage and sprang knee, my skin looks pretty bad in certain areas that I try to cover up most I can. Basically I'm still look the way I have for years now but I don't know...I guess I just don't care anymore. I go out sometimes now. It still scares the hell out of me but I feel so much better about myself at the end of the day
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Old 09-21-2010, 05:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I have BDD too, so I understand where you're coming from.

I've noticed that a lot of people just stare absent-mindedly, especially if there's only one other person nearby. I think it's probably more out of curiosity than trying to stare you down or intimidate you. I've heard that some people like to "people watch" and such. I personally find that weird, because I hate staring and getting stared at, but there are people out there that are into that sort of thing.

Have you ever been to therapy? I've read that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works really well for treating BDD. I would like to try it one day myself. I think that if you are afraid that you may hurt yourself or someone else, then it is a good idea to try and set up an appointment with a therapist. Sometimes just talking with a professional helps a lot.

Hope you feel better soon!
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Old 09-21-2010, 05:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Oh I forgot! I so wanted to say this and hope it helps...

I was at the mall and found myself staring at people! OMG! One of the main things I HATE getting done to me and here I am doing it! Why?! That's what I sat in the food court for awhile and thought about. Then it came to me, lots of times it isn't even about being ugly or funny looking. I looked at people because they were laughing, running around acting silly, guys because I mean I'm not boy crazed but I do look at most of em just because their guys. Then some it was because of their outfits or hair. I don't find anyone to be ugly honestly but I do think a lot of people look better than me. And that's why some people I look at because I'm saying in my head "I wish I looked like her" "I wish I had a guy like him." And from all of that I concluded that not everyone that stares at you is doing so because they think you're the ugliest thing on the planet! Most of the time we're the ones drawing the unwanted attention to ourselves because of something that's not even true! We walk, talk, our movement in general is now based on our thoughts because we think that our regular walk and talk is what makes us unattractive. I remember when my bf used to stare me down and hold this weird gaze. That used to scare the crap out of me and made me feel like I looked like Qusi Modo or something! But then not long ago he came up to me and said "You know Jess? You're cute." It's the same way with people I associate with now. They looked at me, stared, grinned. I won't say it's all in our heads because honestly...a few people will look at you because they think you're ugly. But NOT EVERYONE that does that. I try to not stare at people but sometimes in the store or at school I get bored and looking around is something to do lol. Hopefully that helps you out a bit. It does for me most of the time (:
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Old 09-21-2010, 06:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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have you literally seen people throw up in their mouths when they see you? i think thats a bit extreme, and it's possible that you are quite the opposite of what you think and are just imagining some of that
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful response and for not judging me to be superficial... that's actually happened alot to me with these internet things. All you said is good food for thought, and I will try to focus on it next time I go out. Thanks again!
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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When people stare at me like that, which is all the time, I stare right back until they look away. Mostly the people who stare at me are the girls from school who think they are all princesses and I'm so weird because Im ugly and i dont talk. I find it fun to stare them down and make them squirm.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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First of all to person who posted this. People only stare at you because you subcosiously care that they are staring at you, thats why they do it, that is your weakness, if you dont give a crap that they are staring at you, and when they do, say something to yourself like "i think they are checking me out" and they will more than likely look away. The reality is that everyone observes their environment and everyone gets looked at, its human nature. So stop complaining about being stared at, LET THEM STARE, just laugh if you have to. Why the **** does it matter if they stare anyway? honestly what are they going to do? Nothing? so who gives a ****. Go outside, face your fears, walk past people who originally intimidated you and let them look at you and say to yourself i dont care if you stare, WHatever, Cause if you continue with this pesimistic mindset YOU WILL GET NOWHERE
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:07 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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People staring drove me insane for years but I don't care so much about it anymore. To be perfectly honest with you, I hardly even think about it. For so long I translated people's stares as bad thing when I had very little evidence pointing in that direction. I just didn't like it because I was (/am) insecure and thought anyone staring at me, or even giving me a brief look was thinking badly of me. You have to ask yourself at some point why it would even matter if they WERE thinking badly of you? So some stranger thinks you're weird or whatever- who cares? In what way will that one person's thoughts effect your life? And then, like I said, a lot of the time they're probably not thinking anything negative at all. People just look sometimes. When I found myself glancing at others and thinking nothing bad, I realised that. And yet, I've seen some of them look back and appear annoyed in a way that implies I've offended them, as if my staring must mean I think they're ugly or inferior in some way. I'm not sure if this is more of a girl thing but I'm sure it happens with everyone. Maybe even young-ish women in particular, with other girls, because it's so ingrained in us to be catty and *****y to one another. Unbeknownst to some random girl at the shops I randomly find myself staring at, I'm just studying her outfit or her hair or tattoo or whatever. So who's to say whenever anyone is staring at me, they're not simply admiring the details?

There are a lot of different ways of thinking negatively and one is called mind reading. You can't claim to know how these people think about you because you can't read minds. And even if you have any sort of proof that they dislike you in some way, you have to ask yourself why it even matters. Someone looking at you isn't worth losing everything over. Another thing I think it might be is that you probably look extremely uncomfortable in these situations, which will only make people stare all the more, out of curiosity more than anything. Back in my most anxious days, when I struggled to even go out, I noticed people looking at me a lot with what I can now recognise was nothing but curiosity. There's nothing malicious in them wondering what's wrong with you, although it is unfortunate that a lot of people, if not most, won't know that staring is only making you feel more uncomfortable. But if that is the reason they're staring, I honestly think it's nice in a way, because in a way it shows they have compassion.
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I hate it when people stare at me. I started getting irritated by this because my mother bad mouths me to all her friends, all the time. Imagine going to visit your mom, and all her friends look at you as if you've killed someone, or they treat you like a retard as if they know everything about you, when they actually know NOTHING. People I haven't seen for more than 10 years would not greet me but look at me weird. Thanks mom, I hope you sleep well at night. I'm also soft spoken and can take alot before I get upset. People take advantage of me because of this and I'm never treated with respect. When I do get upset, I get really rude, and people wonder why. I've grown to realise that satan hates us. He will use everyone in his power to destroy us. If he is not using people around you to destroy you, then your obviously doing something he likes leading you to hell, so there is no need for him bother with you. I find my strength to cope in trying to do the right thing in each situation. This will give me a clear conscious so if anyone is staring or speaking about me behind my back, it's on their conscious. Karma is a ***** not too mess with, so I leave her to do what she does best.
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Old 09-11-2012, 03:24 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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You're lucky you have someone to help you, you're wife

I live alone

I have to do everything myself

it's easy having SAS if you have a partner or mummy and daddy helping you.
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