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Old 11-05-2009, 09:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I can't stand being around people right now

So yeah just a blog-ish thing.

It's hard to say what happened exactly but I don't remember feeling so depressed. I woke up yesterday feeling a little down. I made it to work and found that I didn't feel like talking to anyone. My mood ranged from anxious and bored to feeling like I was on the verge of tears.

My workmate seemed happy to see me and said "seems like I haven't seen you for ages". All I could think was "I don't want to talk to you, leave me alone" but I was polite.
One of the girls was in today which really upset me because I knew it was going to make my anxiety worse. I asked her how she was to ease the tension a bit and when she responded I could barely muster up an answer. I wasn't frozen with fear, I just emotionally couldn't fake an answer, especially not with her.

Later on during service I had to stay at the back of the kitchen. I couldn't handle being up front where everyone was. They might try to talk to me or might pay attention to me. The intensity of it felt like if moving to the front of kitchen was the same as moving on stage in front of a group of people.
I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning the suicidal thoughts because I've never taken suicide into consideration. They're still present though I guess.

I got home and went to bed, hoping I'd feel better this morning. It's the afternoon now, almost evening, and I haven't left my room. I have to rinse and wash my jackets, I need to clean my room, make tea, and fix the breaks on my car (take to mechanic). I was lucky enough to get a friday off work and I can't do anything.
I really don't want to leave my room now because my housemates are getting home, which means I'd have to talk to them. I can't think of anything I want to do less. I have some weed, but I don't feel like smoking. I may need it though.

I have a 12 hour shift tomorrow and I don't think I will be able to handle it. I'm going to break down. I'm already thinking of ways I can avoid people tomorrow. I drew the short straw though and I have to do the bbq this week and cook for the members and take their orders. This is going to kill me.
I'm not always like this, I usually enjoy being at work or at home. For some reason though I feel far too depressed to interact with people.
Fingers crossed for a better mood tomorrow morning. I hope to keep it together. I don't want to lose my job. I think my boss had his eye on me yesterday.
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Old 11-05-2009, 10:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I hope you feel better tomorrow.
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Old 11-05-2009, 10:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Ahh that sucks. Would going for a run or drive (if your car is fixed) help get rid of this feeling?

Quote:
I asked her how she was to ease the tension a bit and when she responded I could barely muster up an answer. I wasn't frozen with fear, I just emotionally couldn't fake an answer, especially not with her.
Hate when that happens.
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Old 11-05-2009, 10:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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We all have bad days, even with SA.
If you can get plenty of rest the night before, you should be okay.
Just be the best person you think you can be. Be as nice as possible and the rest will fall into place .
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Old 11-05-2009, 11:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I felt a bit like that today. I hate how much my moods can change. Some days I'll feel oddly talkative but today I just wanted to keep to myself and have everyone leave me alone. And I felt so easily annoyed by everything. Luckily I can mask it well I suppose.
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Today was not bad. Everyone is really friendly. I couldn't for the life of me speak loudly and clearly but the day got better as it went on. Right now I'm kind of apathetic. I've gone from not wanting to be around people to just not caring at all. I went up to one of the waitresses and made her show me how to do the coffee, told off a waiter, and just plain stopped caring.
One of the guys came up to me and started asking me what was wrong which was really, really annoying.

Anyway it was a mixed blessing in the end because I got to treat people how I wanted.
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Glad to hear the day went ok . (I don't have any advice for ya, sorry)
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mind_games View Post
Glad to hear the day went ok . (I don't have any advice for ya, sorry)
It's okay too many people want to give advice. It's not always what people want.
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Old 05-28-2012, 03:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default I like animals more than most people

People in general annoy me; the way they talk and act! I don't want to be around them most of the time. Most people are idiots. I can't stand it. I much prefer the company of my 3 cats who are loyal and love me for who I am.
P.S. I was a victim of bullying most of junior and senior high school.
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