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Old 01-10-2009, 02:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I can't deal with life.

Man I'm really sorry in advance if I come off as being strange or if I sound ****ing stupid but I really need to vent a bit. I hope nobody minds.

I have ten months to completely get over my sa and depression. If I don't do it by then I will probably be homeless; I'm currently living with two of my siblings and my mother but as of next September they are all going their own separate ways without me.

I am not wanted or loved by my family. My siblings constantly make fun of me (both behind my back and to my face. The teasing got worse after I explained to them that I have SAD). My mother has always been emotionally distant from me, and she has attempted to abandon us several times (including one attempt a couple of months ago where she took our rent money but chose to stop paying the rent because she was trying to get us evicted and use that as an excuse to stay with her parents. It didn't work, so we're still stuck together).

I graduated from college in August with honours, but I have ****ed up every interview I have managed to get since my graduation (for jobs both related and unrelated to my field of choice), likely because of the amount of anxiety I showed during them. I lived with my boyfriend (while I was in college), but he will not let me stay with him now. He is literally the only friend that I have but he is sick of hearing me talk about this stuff. I really don't know what to do with myself. I think that he is secretly angry at me all the time.

I have seriously considered returning to college but the truth is is that I am very much afraid to because my last college experience is a huge part of what robbed me of my self-esteem. I spent my entire last year studying and wishing for death. I was regularly targeted and harassed by the other students, largely because I was one of the only females in the program. A lot of stuff happened to me while I was there but I could never find help... Sometimes I wish that I could have been born the other gender because I believe that I would have fit in better there if I was.

Anyway, that's it. I might regret writing this publicly when I calm down, I don't know. I just want to be a part of humanity, but I don't think that I can because I am not at all likable... I don't think that I can ever get what I actually need out of life. I'm really frustrated, and I thought that someone might relate. I don't know.
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Old 01-10-2009, 02:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Well, you are a part of humanity. You grew up in a very imperfect emotional environment. Hmm, that sounds strangely familier to me. I'm a total amateur but it sounds like you are expressing the lack of confidence THAT OTHERS have expressed towards you. You can discover your own true feelings about yourself. I recommend some good reading like Tolle's A NEW EARTH and Myss' CD SELF ESTEEM. Both are definitely not the same old crap. In the short term learn to tell yourself that you love yourself. And, say yes to the present moment and all that it contains. Then you can learn that you are okay, enough and sufficient. It's a short hop over to realizing your potential from there and having normal feelings of confidence. I truly appreciate what you're going thru.
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Old 01-10-2009, 08:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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A second nod to A New Earth. I've just started but it looks intriguing.

I'm truly very sorry for the situation you described - I can appreciate what it feels like when everything is crumbling around you and you feel like there's nothing left... I'm there right now.

As hard as it is, keep remembering the positive things about yourself - you graduated university with honors! Not very many people in the world can say that about themselves. I know everything feels like **** right now, but keep fighting on. As long as you keep trying, keep fighting, you will continue to create new opportunities for yourself. We'll be here to support you.
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Old 01-07-2013, 08:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Once you've done all your research on job interviews, that isn't enough. You have to practice it with someone. I wouldn't with your bf if you've already tried and failed. I know i don't want to with mine bc he keeps telling me to stop overthinking interviews and that doesn't help at all. If there's nobody you think you could practice with, then I guess all you can do is practice by yourself with or without a mirror. It's better than nothing and you'll get to hear yourself speak. Look up a lot of video examples like on youtube and then mold the answers to yourself.

What I like to do is look for a list of questions like on about.com (i usually google and then find it through there), copy and paste to word, and then type in what I'd say like a script. I then print it and practice and go back and correct my answers in red if needed. (leave some space after each answer when printing) And then practice to where you don't feel like referring to the paper or screen.

Good luck I really hope you'll get a job soon!
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