I can't stand people, myself, or my life anymore
I have BDD. I am ugly. I walk funny. All men, young or old, are constantly staring me down, sizing me up, etc., and women either don't even notice me, or they puke in their mouths after they look at me, because I am so repulsive and pathetic to them. I can't step out my front door because somebody always trys staring me down. I'm basically a prisoner in my own house. I go to work, and the store for groceries, and that's pushing it. I need to put up a higher back fence because some lady was walking on the back street, staring at me. Like a wussy, I looked away as I usually do, then looked back a moment later and she was still staring at me, only walking the opposite direction now. I want to scream at her. I used to come into our street from the east, but can't now because some tough guy is always sitting on his porch staring at me as I turn the corner. I even once tried waving at him, and he doesn't wave back. Just keeps staring at me. I want to shove his ciggarette up his nose. So then I come in from the west side to avoid him. Only now, it's another tough guy who also just happens to be the president of our little sub division, who stares me down every time I drive by. It tears me up so bad I completely had a total rage-attack when I got home. It's pretty much every body on my street. I've made efforts introducing myself, waving, but it never matters. I'm a target. I pay a lawn service to do our front. My wife does other front yard work. She gets the mail. She takes the trash bin to the curb. All in an effort to prevent me from getting into it with the next idiot who wants to try and stare me down. I can't hang christmas lights. Shoveling my driveway is a real luck pusher as well, because ofcourse I get stared at doing that, to. People have hated me and have picked on me in one way or another since the first day I can remember. I have such an uncontrollable rage that I fear that one day I'm going to literally explode at the next idiot man or woman who feels the need to stare at me. I worry about getting arrested for assault, spending life in prison being some jerk's girlfriend, losing my freedom, my beautiful new home, and my precious wife. I'm at wit's end. I swear I'm finally gonna pipe up and ask the next person what they're staring at, and I greatly fear the consequences, but this BS has gotta stop!!!! I am going to blow and I can't stop it. Does anybody else ever feel this way?? I feel like I'm going to lose it all. I'd kill myself if I weren't so afraid of going to Hell for all eternity for doing it.