I can't get angry - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 07:58 AM Thread Starter
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I can't get angry

Hi guys, title pretty much says it all. No matter what happens I simply can't get angry, last time was in August 2007 (baby cried non-stop on a 3 hour flight)
Whenever someone insults or does something rude towards me I get depressed, sad and all that, but never pissed off.
Kind of hard to explain how my mind works but I can give some examples on how I react to things:

Neighbor plays music till 2:00 AM on weeknights. In my head "I don't know what sucks the most, his hearing or his taste in music, but I don't mind. Actually it's kinda nice to just lie awake and think."

Guy from network provider messed up some wires and I have to spend hours troubleshooting, having expensive conversations with tech support and I end up paying for 2 weeks of Internet that I didn't get. In my head: "Probably his first day, everybody makes mistakes."

2 drunk, random frat boys appear out of nowhere and say that they'll kill me because I don't have a light and then prove their manliness by shoving me. In my head: "I wonder if those propane canisters aboard that truck over there are properly secured, they'll probably go flying all over the place and blowing stuff up if the driver makes a sudden turn."

You get the picture. I mean I'v seen people (considered by their peers to be normal) start fighting about who is first to order at McD, and here I am just brushing everything off.
I'm obviously glad I'm not one of those "Wanna start something bro?" douchebags, but I'm a little worried I'm gonna hulk out one day and eat a cat or something.

Anyone else feel like this or have some sort of explanation for it?
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 11:28 AM
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I can't get angry either, unless sarcasm counts as some kind of passive-aggressive anger.

From what I can tell, you seem like a nice and reasonable person; so there's not necessarily anything "wrong" with you for not flying off the handle, like the rest of humanity so easily does. Assuming you have a good proportion of self-control, I hardly think a lack of anger will make you more likely to crack one day. Perhaps you're just laid-back?

Personally, I'd say anger is a fairly useless, and often harmful emotion. I suppose it might serve as a catalyst to take action, but overall I think it just causes more harm than good. The world would be a better place without it, making you the next step in human evolution. Congratulations!

As for causes- did your parents display a lot of anger? Mine did, and it has definitely impacted me somehow, perhaps making me more subservient, and more in a position to shun anger in myself and others.
Schizoids are also pathologically incapable of showing anger, I'm not saying you are one, just that you may have a trait in common.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 12:35 PM
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I could never get angry for years, really made me come across as a wimp, which is unfortunate.

Since I began exercising though, I get angry a lot more, which is bad in one way, but I am at least pleased I have the confidence to express it now.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 11:24 PM
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I don't really get angry either, usually I just feel depressed or confused. For example most people would have some sort of road rage when traffic is really bad, but I just feel depressed towards the situation. When people are rude to me I usually am in shock for awhile.

I used to think that maybe some day I'd all of a sudden feel anger towards people and snap, or what ever people claim happens when you bottle up anger. Although I've never found this to be the case. I just blame my apathy towards life, and perhaps a tendency to be very passive.

If these problems continue to bother you long after they occur you may want to look into ways to be more assertive. Otherwise not having anger in your life is probably a good thing, considering it's negative long term effects on the body and mind.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrinkingMilk View Post

I'm obviously glad I'm not one of those "Wanna start something bro?" douchebags, but I'm a little worried I'm gonna hulk out one day and eat a cat or something.
This made me laugh, although obviously I really hope you don't actually do it either.

I can relate. My default emotion in difficult times is sadness or frustration. I think in my case it has to do with the fact that I was raised by a dad with a very short fuse. I saw my dad get angry so much and I grew to see getting angry as a sign of personal weakness and incompetence. And also I realized how much getting angry at something stupid could hurt someone else.

Still, holding in emotions or brushing things off can be just as unhealthy as being a constantly angry douchebag.

I don't think anger is a useless emotion. Doesn't make sense to me that any emotion would be a useless one. I think it's worthwhile to be honest with yourself about what you feel so you can work through it.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 02:07 AM
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No I do get angry, and I envy you. I don't get angry at a lot of things, but its usually some little stupid crap that gets to me for some reason.

I mean if you don't get angry you don't get angry. I can't see anger suddenly creeping up on you if you don't feel anger in the first place, so good on you, you just sound like a nice person.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 06:22 AM
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wow. i WISH i couldn't get angry, because i feel angry all the time. the littlest things can make me mad, and in the past it's ****ed up my relationships. i always wanted to be one of those nice, calm types of people.

actually funny because i remember in kindergarten i was in latchki and this teacher guy stared at me for a long time and then he turned to the other staff people and said, "she's got a lot of anger".

anyways, think on the bright side. :P it's not a bad thing to be like you.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 08:36 AM
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I just considered punting the cat for putting his tail in my way. Realistically I would NEVER ever harm the cat, or any one for that matter. I also understand the extreme of having no anger, when I have an apathetic period I am not capable of emotion. Mostly I just scream a lot. I get told to always use my words, but then I use them and people call it cute. Then I get really angry

Oh one day some man followed me from a road rage incident for quite a few miles to the store, and then he tried to fight me. The whole situation was so absurd that I look back now and giggle, but one of these days some dude is actually going to take a swing at me and I will be in trouble.
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-05-2015, 01:44 AM
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This is me..it really sucks.

🎵I wake up everyday celebrating sh(I)t why? BC I just dodged a bullet from a crazy b(I)tch🎵 I realized I cant fix broken people...i tried.. I cant help someone who wont take accountability.for where they went wrong...but its okay..bc I'll always be fine. No sleep will be lost, ....the video below is me, basically.

Always thank someone for showing their true colors.. Now you see them for who them are and can cut them off
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-05-2015, 01:45 AM
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People will walk all over you when you can't get angry.

🎵I wake up everyday celebrating sh(I)t why? BC I just dodged a bullet from a crazy b(I)tch🎵 I realized I cant fix broken people...i tried.. I cant help someone who wont take accountability.for where they went wrong...but its okay..bc I'll always be fine. No sleep will be lost, ....the video below is me, basically.

Always thank someone for showing their true colors.. Now you see them for who them are and can cut them off
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-05-2015, 10:16 PM
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I wish I can't get angry because that's all I can do is either sad or angry.
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 12:49 PM
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Story of my life
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 03:06 PM
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Anger doesn't solve anything.

The American people like to be challenged with the impossible. Then they do the impossible.- Franklin D. Roosevelt

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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 03:24 PM
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I feel like I could have written this thread myself. Anger is the one emotion I really have problems getting in touch with. There are a whole list of traits that you have to exhibit before you get diagnosed as Borderline. I have all of them, every single one except for "problems controlling anger". I can get angry but it really takes a lot. The one thing that would set me off very easily and very quickly is anyone attacking my kids. Or a girlfriend. I would just lose it in that situation.

I lost my ex-girlfriend to suicide a little over four years ago. One of the things I'm really focusing on in therapy right now is getting in touch with the anger part of all of that. I feel like it's physically impossible to get angry at her, for leaving me, for hurting me like she did, for leaving everyone the way that she did. It's been four years. I still cannot get in touch with that side of it. I think a lot of it is because of the guilt I have, I feel like her dying was my fault, I feel like I could have prevented it, I should have stopped her....I tried to, but I failed, obviously. I'm angry at myself, but mostly I'm extremely depressed and disappointed in myself, and feel guilty beyond words. That's what I feel, I guess, instead of angry. I don't know how to get in touch with it. It's an emotion, it's not like I can just decide to feel that way, and then feel it, it doesn't work that way. I've tried explaining that to my therapist and she says I'm suppressing those feelings instead. It's a part of the grief process, and I can't seem to get to that stage.

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Jay: (as they get up to leave) Until then, keep your unit on you
Holden: I'll try
Silent Bob: No, no. "Do, or do not, there is no try"
Jay: Knock that **** off, we got a bus to catch. Jedi b****.

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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 03:25 PM
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Anger doesn't solve anything.
not true
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 04:19 PM
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wow wtff i actually envy you guys....i have anger problems since i was a kid....i get angry alot like all the time....at everything....alot of ppl has told me that i get angry easy and i should just chill the **** out.....but i cant its unstopable just like the ****ing sa
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 04:47 PM
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You're lucky. I get angry all the time. When someone even looks at me wrong I get angry. And the second someone puts their finger on me I'm ready to explode.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2016, 01:26 AM
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I am the same way as well.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-06-2016, 05:01 PM
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I had that problem a while ago. It's because your self esteem is so low and you don't want to be unreasonable. If you just start calling people out a little bit here and there you'Lloyd start to become a lot more assertive. Now I'm to the point where I have a lot of self control, but if I need to put someone in the Irish place I can do it at will.
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