I can't get angry - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 08:58 AM Thread Starter
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I can't get angry

Hi guys, title pretty much says it all. No matter what happens I simply can't get angry, last time was in August 2007 (baby cried non-stop on a 3 hour flight)
Whenever someone insults or does something rude towards me I get depressed, sad and all that, but never pissed off.
Kind of hard to explain how my mind works but I can give some examples on how I react to things:

Neighbor plays music till 2:00 AM on weeknights. In my head "I don't know what sucks the most, his hearing or his taste in music, but I don't mind. Actually it's kinda nice to just lie awake and think."

Guy from network provider messed up some wires and I have to spend hours troubleshooting, having expensive conversations with tech support and I end up paying for 2 weeks of Internet that I didn't get. In my head: "Probably his first day, everybody makes mistakes."

2 drunk, random frat boys appear out of nowhere and say that they'll kill me because I don't have a light and then prove their manliness by shoving me. In my head: "I wonder if those propane canisters aboard that truck over there are properly secured, they'll probably go flying all over the place and blowing stuff up if the driver makes a sudden turn."

You get the picture. I mean I'v seen people (considered by their peers to be normal) start fighting about who is first to order at McD, and here I am just brushing everything off.
I'm obviously glad I'm not one of those "Wanna start something bro?" douchebags, but I'm a little worried I'm gonna hulk out one day and eat a cat or something.

Anyone else feel like this or have some sort of explanation for it?
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 12:28 PM
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I can't get angry either, unless sarcasm counts as some kind of passive-aggressive anger.

From what I can tell, you seem like a nice and reasonable person; so there's not necessarily anything "wrong" with you for not flying off the handle, like the rest of humanity so easily does. Assuming you have a good proportion of self-control, I hardly think a lack of anger will make you more likely to crack one day. Perhaps you're just laid-back?

Personally, I'd say anger is a fairly useless, and often harmful emotion. I suppose it might serve as a catalyst to take action, but overall I think it just causes more harm than good. The world would be a better place without it, making you the next step in human evolution. Congratulations!

As for causes- did your parents display a lot of anger? Mine did, and it has definitely impacted me somehow, perhaps making me more subservient, and more in a position to shun anger in myself and others.
Schizoids are also pathologically incapable of showing anger, I'm not saying you are one, just that you may have a trait in common.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-31-2011, 01:35 PM
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I could never get angry for years, really made me come across as a wimp, which is unfortunate.

Since I began exercising though, I get angry a lot more, which is bad in one way, but I am at least pleased I have the confidence to express it now.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 12:24 AM
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I don't really get angry either, usually I just feel depressed or confused. For example most people would have some sort of road rage when traffic is really bad, but I just feel depressed towards the situation. When people are rude to me I usually am in shock for awhile.

I used to think that maybe some day I'd all of a sudden feel anger towards people and snap, or what ever people claim happens when you bottle up anger. Although I've never found this to be the case. I just blame my apathy towards life, and perhaps a tendency to be very passive.

If these problems continue to bother you long after they occur you may want to look into ways to be more assertive. Otherwise not having anger in your life is probably a good thing, considering it's negative long term effects on the body and mind.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 02:09 AM
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Originally Posted by DrinkingMilk View Post

I'm obviously glad I'm not one of those "Wanna start something bro?" douchebags, but I'm a little worried I'm gonna hulk out one day and eat a cat or something.
This made me laugh, although obviously I really hope you don't actually do it either.

I can relate. My default emotion in difficult times is sadness or frustration. I think in my case it has to do with the fact that I was raised by a dad with a very short fuse. I saw my dad get angry so much and I grew to see getting angry as a sign of personal weakness and incompetence. And also I realized how much getting angry at something stupid could hurt someone else.

Still, holding in emotions or brushing things off can be just as unhealthy as being a constantly angry douchebag.

I don't think anger is a useless emotion. Doesn't make sense to me that any emotion would be a useless one. I think it's worthwhile to be honest with yourself about what you feel so you can work through it.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 03:07 AM
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No I do get angry, and I envy you. I don't get angry at a lot of things, but its usually some little stupid crap that gets to me for some reason.

I mean if you don't get angry you don't get angry. I can't see anger suddenly creeping up on you if you don't feel anger in the first place, so good on you, you just sound like a nice person.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 07:22 AM
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wow. i WISH i couldn't get angry, because i feel angry all the time. the littlest things can make me mad, and in the past it's ****ed up my relationships. i always wanted to be one of those nice, calm types of people.

actually funny because i remember in kindergarten i was in latchki and this teacher guy stared at me for a long time and then he turned to the other staff people and said, "she's got a lot of anger".

anyways, think on the bright side. :P it's not a bad thing to be like you.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-01-2011, 09:36 AM
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I just considered punting the cat for putting his tail in my way. Realistically I would NEVER ever harm the cat, or any one for that matter. I also understand the extreme of having no anger, when I have an apathetic period I am not capable of emotion. Mostly I just scream a lot. I get told to always use my words, but then I use them and people call it cute. Then I get really angry

Oh one day some man followed me from a road rage incident for quite a few miles to the store, and then he tried to fight me. The whole situation was so absurd that I look back now and giggle, but one of these days some dude is actually going to take a swing at me and I will be in trouble.
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