I am a self-diagnosed lady with society anxiety, holding back to seek medical treatment as I am afraid of the stigma attached to the syndrome.
I never have a "proper" boyfriend or romantic interest from guys. I am getting old and attempted to find romantic partners through dating sites and dating events. I don't meet many guys in my line of work.
After years of meeting guys from dating sites or dating events, I realised theres always been a pattern to it:
(1) Hi-bye syndrome: Before the meet-up, they will actively contact me, after the meet-up, they will cease all contacts with me, sometimes, a very cold and reluctant hi for formality and courtesy. They have never made any genuine attempts to know me better after the meeting
(2) those who keep in touch with me basically treat me as a male buddy or a wall flower, someone for them to ***** about the ladies who rejected them or a confidant. They never see me in that romantic light and will never. they can just simply know a girl and immediately become interested in the girl.
(3) those who continued to ask me out for a date or two, but we never proceed further, they sort of fade away
(4) those whom i am interested in, but writes me off immediately when they dont even know me well. possible reasons i can think of is my unattractive physical appearances with a very boring personality and negative disposition.
This year marks my 7th year looking for a genuine boyfriend. I have confessed to 1-3 guys but usually they will reject me directly and very upfrontly, telling me that the rejection is permanent and they will never see me more than a friend. I havent really know some of them, and i thought it would be good if we can continue to date. However, before we know each other better, they literally gave me the boot for good. I don't know why, its like im so totally unacceptable that they would never consider me in their wildest dreams.. They simply just rejected me permanently at a very early "acquaintance stage".
In my desperate attempt, i tried to asked them for reasons behind the instant rejection. I received explanations ranging from no chemistry, can't click to different religion values. It can't be because this same of group of guys (before i know it) fall deeply in love with other girls..who aren't exactly perfect looking babes, but are beautiful in their eyes.
I have no other better reasoning but to blame it on my inferior looks. I went on a diet and exercise regime, lost some pounds and some male acquaintance commented that i am looking good. But however, as usual, the romantic interest will never be there....
I begin to feel very inferior and lousy about myself. Everyday, I am troubled by it. I tried to move on and widen my social circle, but the new male "acquaintance" will treat me in the same linear pattern again: know me, see me as a wallflower aka male buddy, doesn't want to know me better as an individual, confides in me about the girls he like..and volunteers readily to introduce me to his single friends. I have never been in any no-strings attached affairs or friends with benefits arrangements.
All in all, no matter what i do, behave, look or act, no guys would ever be interested in me. Once they meet or know me, they made a permanent decision that they would never consider/accept me as a dating/marriage partner.
I am so helpless, depressed and frustrated by my predicament that it has affected my work and social relationships. I fear being alone with people whom i don't know well..
I am very sad. I am in this rut for so long and every new friendship turns out to be the same. its like im cursed..im very depressed..what should i do?