How do you guys deal with unfriendly people? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 06:53 PM Thread Starter
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How do you guys deal with unfriendly people?

At my new job, I have to deal with this lady who is the most unfriendly, depressing person I've ever met. She just waits for you to make a mistake so she can make a negative comment. Other people have told me, how cranky she is. These type of people make me very anxious. I don't have to deal with her long, but I feel intimidated around her. How should I approach this situation? Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 06:58 PM
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I say ignore her as much as possible because she's so unpleasant.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
At my new job, I have to deal with this lady who is the most unfriendly, depressing person I've ever met. She just waits for you to make a mistake so she can make a negative comment. Other people have told me, how cranky she is. These type of people make me very anxious. I don't have to deal with her long, but I feel intimidated around her. How should I approach this situation? Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?
Heh, I'm in basically the exact same situation. I'm certainly not singled out by her crankiness, and this eases the tension for me a little. But she's still a complete psycho.

I was informed about her ways during training and -tried- to prepare myself. Any mistakes made result in a fit of eye rollings, complaints, half-hearted threats, and lovely profanities. I'll take a moment to provide some visuals (it's fantastic without her raspy lifelong smoker voice).



And then there's me, before I learned how to deal with her better.



In short, I've just realized that she is the way she is. I have to help her with some things in her office in the morning. I say "good morning" and don't dare utter another word unless I have a question or she has one for me. I wouldn't worry about chatting, especially if she hasn't made any effort to. She's probably just as uninterested as you are. Unpleasant people are a nuisance - that's a no-brainer. Just try not to let it bother you and remember you're getting paid for every moment you have to spend with her.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 09:18 PM
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My job has absolutely no supervision, I love pissing angry people off.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 09:28 PM
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I silently take whatever crap I'm required to take from them, then slyly but sincerely flip them the bird while they're looking the other way.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 09:48 PM
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I might say something socially retarded like hello right back at them, ignore them and not let them pull me down to their level.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 09:52 PM
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These kind of people are miserable, and want nothing more than to make other people around them miserable too.

I'd say just brush off her negativity, and be as nice to her as possible. Nothing will piss her off more that she isn't getting to you.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 10:59 PM
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Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?
That is perfectly ok. There is no reason to spend your time chit chatting with someone that is not nice to you. Sounds like you have much better social skills than she does - don't let her intimidate you.

Also, please don't let someone like that make you feel too anxious (though I think those kinds of people put everyone on edge!) You are going to make occasional mistakes, everybody does (I guarantee she does as well). If she say something negative, try to ignore it.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 11:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
At my new job, I have to deal with this lady who is the most unfriendly, depressing person I've ever met. She just waits for you to make a mistake so she can make a negative comment. Other people have told me, how cranky she is. These type of people make me very anxious. I don't have to deal with her long, but I feel intimidated around her. How should I approach this situation? Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?


I had a boss like this....
made my job a nightmare-

I find if you are nasty to them, things will just get worse- either ignore her rantings, or play-act and pretend to like her, and be nice.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-21-2009, 11:42 PM
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I had a colleague like this too. The best way to deal with this is to make as little or no mistake at all. Follow her instructions and everything would be fine.

I'm guessing people like this are just perfectionist. They just want everything in order and not mess up their usual routine.

I did the same plus I tried to be cordial with her and everything was alright.

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 12:08 AM
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I used to have a coworker like that thank god I moved on to a better paying job. I found the best way was to be pretend friends. I always tried to treat her with respect and kindness no matter the circumstance. Some days it worked and she respected me back. But, some days she would just go off on a whinny little tantrum. I wouldn't say I was playing kiss *** there was line I had and once she crossed it all hell broke loose as we would exchanging hate. But, ignoration never worked for me as she gossiped and rumorized so much between coworkers.

If the world didn't suck we would all fall off.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 12:11 AM
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It probably makes them feel better to point out your mistakes.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 06:36 AM
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It probably makes them feel better to point out your mistakes.
Most likely, they're getting something out of it. I like being friendly and polite initially, but if they continue to be a jerk I'm not going to continue to be that friendly or polite.

I know you can see me. Bad guys always see me. My plans suck. People die. It's always a mess.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 07:50 AM
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sarcasm and subtle humor.

Works for me

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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 07:53 AM
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simply ignore them or tell them to take a hike

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and than success is sure," Mark Twain

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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 04:41 PM
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I've had to work with crappy people, and what I did was try to figure out what they were needing, you know, like do they need to feel superior, do they need to feel valued, what is it. It's probably on a subconcious level for the person, but it's often really not that difficult to figure out by observing them. Then when I had to interact with them, I'd give them what they needed, treat them as if I saw them as an authority or compliment them or whatever it was; it didn't take anything away from me and it made them warm up a bit. Sometimes if you freely give people what they need, they don't resort to ugly behavior to try to get it themselves.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-22-2009, 04:56 PM
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I deal with the same ****. I have a boss that does just that. She complains about everyone else behind their backs to me and I know she does the same about me to everyone else. Some people just have a stick up their arse.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
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