How do you guys deal with unfriendly people? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Frustration

Reply
Old 02-21-2009, 07:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 174



Default How do you guys deal with unfriendly people?

At my new job, I have to deal with this lady who is the most unfriendly, depressing person I've ever met. She just waits for you to make a mistake so she can make a negative comment. Other people have told me, how cranky she is. These type of people make me very anxious. I don't have to deal with her long, but I feel intimidated around her. How should I approach this situation? Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?
anxiousdude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 07:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
laura024's Avatar
 
Status: Fall 7 times, stand up 8.
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Ohio
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Posts: 8,919



Default

I say ignore her as much as possible because she's so unpleasant.
__________________
ask.fm
laura024 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 08:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
IllusionOfHappiness's Avatar
 
Status: killer of conversations
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Canada
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,546



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
At my new job, I have to deal with this lady who is the most unfriendly, depressing person I've ever met. She just waits for you to make a mistake so she can make a negative comment. Other people have told me, how cranky she is. These type of people make me very anxious. I don't have to deal with her long, but I feel intimidated around her. How should I approach this situation? Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?
Heh, I'm in basically the exact same situation. I'm certainly not singled out by her crankiness, and this eases the tension for me a little. But she's still a complete psycho.

I was informed about her ways during training and -tried- to prepare myself. Any mistakes made result in a fit of eye rollings, complaints, half-hearted threats, and lovely profanities. I'll take a moment to provide some visuals (it's fantastic without her raspy lifelong smoker voice).



And then there's me, before I learned how to deal with her better.



In short, I've just realized that she is the way she is. I have to help her with some things in her office in the morning. I say "good morning" and don't dare utter another word unless I have a question or she has one for me. I wouldn't worry about chatting, especially if she hasn't made any effort to. She's probably just as uninterested as you are. Unpleasant people are a nuisance - that's a no-brainer. Just try not to let it bother you and remember you're getting paid for every moment you have to spend with her.
IllusionOfHappiness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 10:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
bowen87's Avatar
 
Status: Lost and Confuzzled
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Youngstown, Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 136



Default

My job has absolutely no supervision, I love pissing angry people off.
__________________
So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

This can't last forever
Time won't make things better
I feel so alone
Can't help ourselves
And no one knows
That this is its worthless so tell me

What have we done
We're in a war that can't be won
This can't be real
I don't know what to feel
bowen87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 10:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: R.I.P. Do not contact.
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,905



Default

I silently take whatever crap I'm required to take from them, then slyly but sincerely flip them the bird while they're looking the other way.
VCL XI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 10:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
cave dweller's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 26



Default

I might say something socially retarded like hello right back at them, ignore them and not let them pull me down to their level.
cave dweller is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 10:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
alipaige's Avatar
 
Status: alipaige
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: alabama
Gender: Female
Posts: 128



Default

These kind of people are miserable, and want nothing more than to make other people around them miserable too.

I'd say just brush off her negativity, and be as nice to her as possible. Nothing will piss her off more that she isn't getting to you.
alipaige is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2009, 11:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West Coast, USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 163



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?
That is perfectly ok. There is no reason to spend your time chit chatting with someone that is not nice to you. Sounds like you have much better social skills than she does - don't let her intimidate you.

Also, please don't let someone like that make you feel too anxious (though I think those kinds of people put everyone on edge!) You are going to make occasional mistakes, everybody does (I guarantee she does as well). If she say something negative, try to ignore it.
shadowsandlight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 12:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
Titanic Explorer's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Boston Massachusetts, USA
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 106



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
At my new job, I have to deal with this lady who is the most unfriendly, depressing person I've ever met. She just waits for you to make a mistake so she can make a negative comment. Other people have told me, how cranky she is. These type of people make me very anxious. I don't have to deal with her long, but I feel intimidated around her. How should I approach this situation? Is it ok to just say Good morning, get our business done and move on without lots of chit chat? For most people I would try to do some small talk, but I don't see any point with her. She doesn't make an effort, so why should I? What do you guys think?


I had a boss like this....
made my job a nightmare-

I find if you are nasty to them, things will just get worse- either ignore her rantings, or play-act and pretend to like her, and be nice.
Titanic Explorer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 12:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
Hot Chocolate's Avatar
 
Status: Spread Your Wings
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 1,512



Default

I had a colleague like this too. The best way to deal with this is to make as little or no mistake at all. Follow her instructions and everything would be fine.

I'm guessing people like this are just perfectionist. They just want everything in order and not mess up their usual routine.

I did the same plus I tried to be cordial with her and everything was alright.
__________________
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone
But it all works out
It doesn't matter much to me

Let me take you down
'Cause i'm going to strawberry fields...

Hot Chocolate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 01:08 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
Mnster's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 185



Default

I used to have a coworker like that thank god I moved on to a better paying job. I found the best way was to be pretend friends. I always tried to treat her with respect and kindness no matter the circumstance. Some days it worked and she respected me back. But, some days she would just go off on a whinny little tantrum. I wouldn't say I was playing kiss *** there was line I had and once she crossed it all hell broke loose as we would exchanging hate. But, ignoration never worked for me as she gossiped and rumorized so much between coworkers.
__________________
If the world didn't suck we would all fall off.
Mnster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 01:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
shyvr6's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 26,568



Default

It probably makes them feel better to point out your mistakes.
shyvr6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 07:36 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
Prodigal Son's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: The Wastelands (Kansas)
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,110



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by shyvr6 View Post
It probably makes them feel better to point out your mistakes.
Most likely, they're getting something out of it. I like being friendly and polite initially, but if they continue to be a jerk I'm not going to continue to be that friendly or polite.
__________________
I know you can see me. Bad guys always see me. My plans suck. People die. It's always a mess.
Prodigal Son is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 08:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
spiritwild's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Evansville, In
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Posts: 97



Default

sarcasm and subtle humor.

Works for me
__________________
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer

Http://risingup.freehostia.com
spiritwild is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 08:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
CopadoMexicano's Avatar
 
Status: True Fighter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: United States Of America
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,221



Default

simply ignore them or tell them to take a hike
__________________
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and than success is sure," Mark Twain

-------------------------------------------------------
CopadoMexicano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 05:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
kpiper0101's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 424



Default

I've had to work with crappy people, and what I did was try to figure out what they were needing, you know, like do they need to feel superior, do they need to feel valued, what is it. It's probably on a subconcious level for the person, but it's often really not that difficult to figure out by observing them. Then when I had to interact with them, I'd give them what they needed, treat them as if I saw them as an authority or compliment them or whatever it was; it didn't take anything away from me and it made them warm up a bit. Sometimes if you freely give people what they need, they don't resort to ugly behavior to try to get it themselves.
kpiper0101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2009, 05:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
dax
 
dax's Avatar
 
Status: Losing Ground
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: A junkyard full of false starts
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,123



Default

I deal with the same ****. I have a boss that does just that. She complains about everyone else behind their backs to me and I know she does the same about me to everyone else. Some people just have a stick up their arse.
__________________
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
dax is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How to Deal with Angry people _AJ_ Coping With Social Anxiety 12 11-27-2008 12:42 PM
Are Most People Unfriendly? Andrew2008 Frustration 5 07-06-2008 03:53 PM
What's the deal with some people? jtb3485 Frustration 10 03-08-2008 07:22 AM
some people this might be a big deal to but terrific81 Triumphs Over Social Anxiety 4 08-21-2007 07:41 PM
Got kicked out of my rented accommodation ('to unfriendly'). princessorwhat Frustration 2 05-05-2007 07:48 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:32 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.