how do you deal with people close to you that get mad often? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-03-2007, 02:25 PM Thread Starter
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how do you deal with people close to you that get mad often?

my dad gets mad over the smallest things, he's such a drama queen and it's so hard to deal with him when he's pissed off and screaming at you for nothing. like today, we have wireless internet but the signal is alot better up stairs and sometimes (like today) the signal is weak. so, he was downstairs using the internet and we were watching tv. he starts complaining about the weak signal so i tell him to go upstairs. all i meant by it was the signal is better upstairs so you'll get more out of it than in the living room. but apparently it wasn't ok to say that. i don't know why he got mad over it. but he did. he even threw the laptop across the room and broke the monitor. what is his problem? why is suggesting that he goes where the signal is stronger the wrong thing to say? every single day something like this happens. i don't know how to act around him, i never know when something i'll say or do will just set him off. it's so hard to deal with this. the worst thing is, even after he yells at you, he expects you to smile and laugh and be happy. it just makes him even more upset if i'm upset that he's yelled at me. i don't think he had a reason to be mad over the internet thing, but he insists that it's my fault, that i should say i'm sorry to him for making him mad. but i didn't do anything wrong. did i? if i did make a mistake i don't see it. i hate living with him. it's horrible. he has such a anger problem and won't admit it. everything is our fault. i hate that about him. so, what are ways that i can stay calm when he's like this?
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-03-2007, 03:02 PM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

That's harsh, I have no idea how to handle that really. My mom was similar but not as bad... living around her is like walking through a minefield. He's got to get help or else he be a cancer for you him and everyone else for the rest of his life. If you live with other family members, maybe it would help to all together for you all to tell him together that its a major problem and it really harms all of you? I dunno . I'm not a good example but if I were you I'd just try to avoid as much as possible, and as soon as I could leave and not have to be around him I'd go, and not visit. But I'm cold and I completely lose respect for anyone who is like that, I dont care if it's my mother or a friend or whoever. Ever since I moved out, my mental health has been far better from day one. So I dunno what to say, besides that I hope the best for you.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-03-2007, 10:00 PM
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Yea that's a little Harsh...

When people get mad at me, I get mad at them...
Telling them to Shut there *****ing Mouth or Im going too Kill Them...I dont mean it though...

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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-04-2007, 09:57 AM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

My mum is the same way. I get used to it but some days I just....

A soldierís heart
Reflecting back at me
I keep seeing mutilated faces
Even in my dreams
Distorted images
Flashing rapidly
Psychotically abusing me
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Got to make it stop
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-04-2007, 10:52 AM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

Wow thats pretty extreme. Is he a single parent? or is your mom also around? Maybe he's just stressed out, or needs a new hobby besides breaking PC monitors.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-04-2007, 02:04 PM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

Start ignoring them/stand up to them when they start giving you trouble. People like that feed off your negative energy.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-04-2007, 11:57 PM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

I suspect he's upset about a lot more than just wireless internet. That was merely the trigger that set him off this time. I get mad regularly, though I never throw anything of value, since I don't want to pay for repair or replacement. In my case I'm just generally pissed off at the world so it doesn't take that much to set me off.

Probably the best way to deal with him is to avoid him as much as you can. Probably not that easy if you live with him, but I don't see any better option.

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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-05-2007, 11:10 PM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

I wish I could give you some advice, but all I can do is relate. Like UltraShy says, these things are just triggers. I am always on edge at home due to growing up tip-toeing around my father. Avoidance has helped a bit, but I really need to move out. I know that when I did before my stress levels decreased considerably. Perhaps it's also true for you?
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-06-2007, 07:13 AM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

Like ultrashy said, people who are frequently angry are seldom reacting only to what just happened. Minor frustrations become major blow-ups because of unresolved stuff you or the current situation had nothing to do with.

All I can say is to look closely at how you feel when he's angry. Don't let yourself internalize it or feel responsible for any of it. Even if you have to tell yourself, as the laptop flies across the room, that this is HIS problem, HIS anger, HIS inability to cope better. That, and find ways to work through your own feelings so you don't have people wondering what you're so mad about. Good luck.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-07-2007, 10:09 AM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

I'm no psychologist, but I suspect that your father is probably depressed or has control issues..and getting angry is his way of dealing with his problems. He needs help, and probably feels ashamed to admit it.

Next time he throws a temper tantrum you should just ignore him. I know how hard this can be since short-tempered people have the tendency to be verbally and emotionally abusive, but it's the only thing I can think of.

I wish I could help you more.

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-07-2007, 04:42 PM
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My dads an ******* too

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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 07-07-2007, 04:52 PM
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re: how do you deal with people close to you that get mad of

w
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-30-2011, 02:49 PM
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I know what you mean. My dad screams all the time over the stupidest things! Today he yelled because I didnt answer the phone for him in time . Like seriously, it makes me just want to hide in my room and not come out till the next day. I dont know. I just need to find a way to ignore him till i dont have a choise...
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-30-2011, 02:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UltraShy View Post
Probably the best way to deal with him is to avoid him as much as you can. Probably not that easy if you live with him, but I don't see any better option.
This.

I'd just avoid him. If you're not around him, then you're not going to have to deal with that.

I used to attempt to reason with my dad, and tell him that it was really nothing to get angry over. But I realized pretty fast that trying to reason with someone that insists on being irrational is a lost cause.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-30-2011, 03:13 PM
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OP...I sooooo feel your pain! My mother is the exact same way....it feels like I'm walking on egg shells living with her. See....you're not alone. Plenty of us have this problem, and unfortunately personal experience tells me there's not much you can do to change your father. You can't change someone who is in denial about having a problem and looks outwards at everything/one else for an excuse for their life's problems.

Try to avoid him...even if you think something you say or do might actually help him. Minimize conversation as much as possible. If you can, try to move in to your own place ASAP! You'll be much better off....trust me....my experiences tell me people like that in your life only bring you down....they ruin your happy moments/make you more depressed and wreak havoc on your self-esteem. Hang in there and if you have any family or close friends try to stay with them sometimes if you can to take the edge off being at home. Good luck!

You can rant and rave all you want but a negative attitude gets you nowhere.
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