He's Just Not That Into You.

[sweetluvgurl]

Story of my life.... Over the years, I've been rejected so many times by guys. In high school, I had crushes, and they definitely crushed me alright. Had them treat me like dirt when they found out that I liked them and made it VERY obvious they weren't interested. It hurt so bad and scarred me.

Then, I tried online relationships (not online dating sites). I've had several of those, which usually end, because the guy can't deal with me and my depression and anxiety issues. And I always end up feeling left behind and abandoned.

Also, I've actually even tried online dating sites. I never get any messages hardly. And I'd try to initiate convos, but it'd never seem to go anywhere. Either the guys would want to use me for sex or didn't really want anything to do with me. Not even be friends with me in person. :/

And then whenever I have love interests online a lot now, it seems like even THEY'RE not into me in that way.... I've had one guy, who has seemed to have a little interest in me, but he won't ever give in and commit. We temporarily dated during my last trip to see him last year, but only because it was agreed we'd cut it off when I went home, because he's not ready for a full-blown relationship. He admits he has feelings for me. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like it since he canceled the trips a few months back and won't tell me why exactly...

Then, I started talking to a guy from this site. He's probably one I've talked to the most so far from on here. I was trying not to get too attached, but I can't help it. I really like his personality and find him to be cute, but he's currently into another girl and wanting to see how it works out with her. I don't even think he likes me anyway and would be interested in that way without her in the picture. I can just tell.

I feel like hardly any guys are attracted to me with my physical differences with the condition I was born with and with my speech problems. That's probably one big factor that turns them off. I just wish I was more attractive for one thing. And then I wish I wasn't disabled and could have more of a life. Then, I wouldn't be so depressed and anxious.

But anyway, you'd think I'd be used to things after all the rejection I've received over the years. But I'm not.... It hurts just the same. In fact, sometimes, I think it keeps piling up more and more and making me feel even more hopeless.

[TrcyMcgrdy1]

Aat least you had the confidence to at least try. I don't think I have ever told a girl I liked her or done any dating sites before. Too scared. Only times things went down was when I was drunk as hell or she came to me and I'd reject them out of fear anyways. It is good to hear you at least made an effort.

[i just want luv]

tough mon, I feel ya pain. no one should have to go thru this but of all people why does it have to be you? why does it have to be me?..why not others and everybody?
Sometimes I just want ta atleast be a cool unattractive or a definative monster but i'm always in the middle the worst place to be in this dessert.
what do you think it will take? whats next?
I'm a lost reclause my my checker piece blocked in a corner. I just dont know.

[Strwbrry]

If you don't try, you'll never succeed!
You definitely tried, until now unfortunately you didn't succeed. But you're a kind person, who's willing to make an effort.
So, cheer up. Your mr. Right shall come one day

[sweetluvgurl]

Originally Posted by TrcyMcgrdy1

Aat least you had the confidence to at least try. I don't think I have ever told a girl I liked her or done any dating sites before. Too scared. Only times things went down was when I was drunk as hell or she came to me and I'd reject them out of fear anyways. It is good to hear you at least made an effort.

I see what you're saying. I don't think it was confidence. lol Sometimes, I would wonder what in the world would provoke me to do something like pursue a guy and make it obvious I'm doing it. I have pretty bad SA and keep to myself a lot. But I've had times with guys in person, who I'd talk to some and get a little comfortable with, and I'd end up flirting with them a lot or being fairly sexually aggressive. It hasn't happened a lot. Only in a couple cases really. One of the cases used to be when I flew to see my guy friend from the net. The first couple of trips that I went, I was constantly flirting and pretty sexually aggressive (touchy, feely, teasing, and kinda all over him). And it would just seem really unlike me to do that with as shy as I am in person. I guess when I see opportunities for stuff. I try to jump on it.... not that it does me any good.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm too honest and open with my feelings a lot. It leaves me more vulnerable. Maybe it's sometimes better not knowing than putting myself out there so much and getting hurt a bunch. But then it's also not good to NEVER pursue anything, because then you never get anywhere either, because you never try or put yourself out there.

[sweetluvgurl]

Originally Posted by Strwbrry

If you don't try, you'll never succeed!
You definitely tried, until now unfortunately you didn't succeed. But you're a kind person, who's willing to make an effort.
So, cheer up. Your mr. Right shall come one day

Awww, thanks girl. Yeah, I guess at least I've tried to make the effort. I hope you're right and that I do finally end up with someone special eventually. I really want that so badly.

[DeniseAfterAll]

Well, I live in the same kind of hell.. in this case, with people calling me Sir and thinking of me as male (it's gotten better, but still..)

Maybe it's a permanent condition - I will always have to walk around with pepper spray in my handbag. I will always be called Sir if I'm not wearing make up, because of my hideous jaw, or some other factor I haven't even located..

Sometimes I really wish I was just a girl who is really freckled, full of acne, etc.. but a GIRL, not a disgusting, dirty male. That way I wouldn't have to put up with all that confusion on the part of people. I've only had about half a year of hormonal treatment but I'm still not putting my hopes up.

I've been suicidal because of this - Simply not knowing when (or if) this nightmare will ever end.. if I ever will be a Miss to people. I hate it so much. I don't know where to release my anger. Sometimes I just take it out on myself.

[Strwbrry]

Originally Posted by DeniseAfterAll

Well, I live in the same kind of hell.. in this case, with people calling me Sir and thinking of me as male (it's gotten better, but still..)

Maybe it's a permanent condition - I will always have to walk around with pepper spray in my handbag. I will always be called Sir if I'm not wearing make up, because of my hideous jaw, or some other factor I haven't even located..

Sometimes I really wish I was just a girl who is really freckled, full of acne, etc.. but a GIRL, not a disgusting, dirty male. That way I wouldn't have to put up with all that confusion on the part of people. I've only had about half a year of hormonal treatment but I'm still not putting my hopes up.

I've been suicidal because of this - Simply not knowing when (or if) this nightmare will ever end.. if I ever will be a Miss to people. I hate it so much. I don't know where to release my anger. Sometimes I just take it out on myself.

Really? I can't imagine the pain you are going through.
But know this, one day your dream will come true! I'm sure of this, because I've talked to people who also wanted to become a guy/girl.

You have my support!

[DeniseAfterAll]

Originally Posted by Strwbrry

Really? I can't imagine the pain you are going through.
But know this, one day your dream will come true! I'm sure of this, because I've talked to people who also wanted to become a guy/girl.

You have my support!

Which I really do appreciate !

It's just that my mind is a place of it's own.. and home to swarms of powerful negative thoughts, which come out of the need for a realistic interpretation of my everyday experience.

I tend to think of myself as worse off than most transgendered people of my age because of these horrible features that I have and will never get rid of..

It's paradoxical too because then there's also my repugnance for cosmetic surgeries. Sometimes I just want to go back in time and start taking hormones earlier to then look better and not have to even consider facial feminization surgery.

It's all so unknown I don't even know what part of my face I should be targeting with my self-hatred because surprisingly, I sometimes think I look fine for a woman.



..But as a matter of face, I'm a creature.. and no, it's not my eyebrows.

[sweetluvgurl]

Originally Posted by DeniseAfterAll

Well, I live in the same kind of hell.. in this case, with people calling me Sir and thinking of me as male (it's gotten better, but still..)

Maybe it's a permanent condition - I will always have to walk around with pepper spray in my handbag. I will always be called Sir if I'm not wearing make up, because of my hideous jaw, or some other factor I haven't even located..

Sometimes I really wish I was just a girl who is really freckled, full of acne, etc.. but a GIRL, not a disgusting, dirty male. That way I wouldn't have to put up with all that confusion on the part of people. I've only had about half a year of hormonal treatment but I'm still not putting my hopes up.

I've been suicidal because of this - Simply not knowing when (or if) this nightmare will ever end.. if I ever will be a Miss to people. I hate it so much. I don't know where to release my anger. Sometimes I just take it out on myself.

I'm really sorry to hear of your own struggles. I have talked to another transgendered person online before, and she is anatomically a male, but a female in her mind. She has explained a lot of what it's like to be transgendered. So, in a sense, I do understand what you're talking about. Plus, being a minority with being disabled, I definitely know what you're talking about with being judged and discriminated against. It's disgusting the amount of hate there is for people who are different. You seem like such a sweet person, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I really hope someday that you do get your wish and turn out to be how you want to be physically. But I will tell you this. I don't think you look bad at all. You're cute, and I don't really see any features that scream that you look like a man. You look pretty feminine to me. Also, I can tell you have a beautiful heart, and that's what matters most. <3 But thank you for sort of helping me realize that little things I sort of take for granted that I should be thankful for, like being a female in my mind and body. I hope that I also help people to realize to be thankful for their health and that they're lucky they haven't had to struggle with a disease.

[awkwardsilent]

sweet: normal to feel that way as we get older, especially if you've never had relationships. I know I have pretty much given uptrying so you are ahead of the game there.

[DeniseAfterAll]

Originally Posted by sweetluvgurl

I'm really sorry to hear of your own struggles. I have talked to another transgendered person online before, and she is anatomically a male, but a female in her mind. She has explained a lot of what it's like to be transgendered. So, in a sense, I do understand what you're talking about. Plus, being a minority with being disabled, I definitely know what you're talking about with being judged and discriminated against. It's disgusting the amount of hate there is for people who are different. You seem like such a sweet person, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I really hope someday that you do get your wish and turn out to be how you want to be physically. But I will tell you this. I don't think you look bad at all. You're cute, and I don't really see any features that scream that you look like a man. You look pretty feminine to me. Also, I can tell you have a beautiful heart, and that's what matters most. <3 But thank you for sort of helping me realize that little things I sort of take for granted that I should be thankful for, like being a female in my mind and body. I hope that I also help people to realize to be thankful for their health and that they're lucky they haven't had to struggle with a disease.

Remember that even some of the most crippled, disabled people have found some partners who just love them because they love them.

Take Stephen Hawking, for example
So if he can do it, you most certainly can.

Trust me, me and my parents once lived in a unit. The section was divided in 4, so we had close neighbours. One of them was a rather... handsome guy with long hair who lived with a woman who, to be honest, was rather obese and about.. 2.5 times his own size.

Everything is possible. It seems as if there really is... someone for everyone. We can try to deny it.. .. but...

[MaxPower]

Originally Posted by sweetluvgurl

I see what you're saying. I don't think it was confidence. lol Sometimes, I would wonder what in the world would provoke me to do something like pursue a guy and make it obvious I'm doing it.

I've pursued someone from here too, that surprised me because I thought I would never have the courage or the confidence to do so, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants, even if that means overriding every negative thought to get it.

Originally Posted by sweetluvgurl

But then it's also not good to NEVER pursue anything, because then you never get anywhere either, because you never try or put yourself out there.

So true.