having a hard time getting along with others
i am starting to get angry at the people who treat me bad because they don't like me and I am finding it hard to keep my mouth shut.
I don't bother anyone at work. I just want to go to work, do my job and go home. I am seriously sick of people who make like more difficult for me. They have no idea how hard each day is just to walk down the halls and greet people, to try and communicate.
The fricking cafeteria lady is giving me a hard time.. She started out being nice. She has to talk to everyone who buys anything. I have absolutely nothing to say to her when I get up there. I am perfectly polite. But I just want to pay and go back to work. I dont like the people waiting in line behind me to look at me, I get uncomfortable so I want to leave.
She has to chat everyone up. And for some reason it really bothers her that i have nothing to say. A while a go she came up to me and says. Are you always so quiet. and I say , yeah I guess I am pretty quiet. (not that it is any of your ****ing business)
Now when I go up to pay for my stuff. She doesnt even look at me, rings me up. doesnt say thank you or anything. It really pisses me off. I am afraid I am going to tell her off. I am sick of stupid people like her. I just want to say. I am sorry but some of us are quiet people and dont have witty comebacks to entertain you with everyday.
I just want to say to her. Are you always so chatty? Your comments are annoying and not funny. Could you just shut up and check me out without the ****ing attitude. *****.
Now I am paranoid about going to get my ****ing coffee. I know that if she treats me like that again I am going to get mad and say something. I may be quiet but I am not going to let you make me feel like **** everyday because I am not behaving as you expect or think I should.
I am exhausted trying to overcome this beast. Are there any other people who are following the therapy tapes from the SA institute? I think that is why I am finding everything more difficult because I am working on my negative thinking and I finding myself being constantly challenged by dickheads. I haven't been around people in so long.
You have to try and smile and be friendly. It is so hard. I feel like I just stilted and not myself most of the time. I already spent 80 percent of my life berating myself. I don;t need any help from others.
Sorry about the novel.
".... and if the earthly no longer knows your name,
Whisper to the silent earth: I'm flowing.
To the flashing water say: I am." - Rainer Maria Rilke