having a hard time getting along with others - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-22-2008, 07:56 PM Thread Starter
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having a hard time getting along with others

i am starting to get angry at the people who treat me bad because they don't like me and I am finding it hard to keep my mouth shut.

I don't bother anyone at work. I just want to go to work, do my job and go home. I am seriously sick of people who make like more difficult for me. They have no idea how hard each day is just to walk down the halls and greet people, to try and communicate.

The fricking cafeteria lady is giving me a hard time.. She started out being nice. She has to talk to everyone who buys anything. I have absolutely nothing to say to her when I get up there. I am perfectly polite. But I just want to pay and go back to work. I dont like the people waiting in line behind me to look at me, I get uncomfortable so I want to leave.

She has to chat everyone up. And for some reason it really bothers her that i have nothing to say. A while a go she came up to me and says. Are you always so quiet. and I say , yeah I guess I am pretty quiet. (not that it is any of your ****ing business)

Now when I go up to pay for my stuff. She doesnt even look at me, rings me up. doesnt say thank you or anything. It really pisses me off. I am afraid I am going to tell her off. I am sick of stupid people like her. I just want to say. I am sorry but some of us are quiet people and dont have witty comebacks to entertain you with everyday.

I just want to say to her. Are you always so chatty? Your comments are annoying and not funny. Could you just shut up and check me out without the ****ing attitude. *****.

Now I am paranoid about going to get my ****ing coffee. I know that if she treats me like that again I am going to get mad and say something. I may be quiet but I am not going to let you make me feel like **** everyday because I am not behaving as you expect or think I should.

I am exhausted trying to overcome this beast. Are there any other people who are following the therapy tapes from the SA institute? I think that is why I am finding everything more difficult because I am working on my negative thinking and I finding myself being constantly challenged by dickheads. I haven't been around people in so long.

You have to try and smile and be friendly. It is so hard. I feel like I just stilted and not myself most of the time. I already spent 80 percent of my life berating myself. I don;t need any help from others.

Sorry about the novel.

".... and if the earthly no longer knows your name,
Whisper to the silent earth: I'm flowing.
To the flashing water say: I am." - Rainer Maria Rilke
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-22-2008, 10:02 PM
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Re: having a hard time getting along with others

That cafeteria worker must feel slighted by you or something (people think weirdly). Not sure what you can do about it. Instead of telling her off, you could try talking to her. Chit-chat or whatever. I mean, why would telling her off be easier than just going along with whatever she was saying to you?

SA is hard, and most of the world is unsympathetic. One thing that's helped me, though, is that I've stopped caring about what clerks, salespeople, etc. think about me. My life is hard enough. I don't need the additional stress of worrying about whether some stranger thinks I'm a loser or not.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-22-2008, 11:26 PM
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Re: having a hard time getting along with others

Originally Posted by greyden
Now when I go up to pay for my stuff. She doesnt even look at me, rings me up. doesnt say thank you or anything. It really pisses me off. I am afraid I am going to tell her off. I am sick of stupid people like her.
I can relate to your problem of not being able to make chit-chat with cashiers, clerks, etc. But I don't really understand this part of your post. First you are frustrated that she insists on chit-chatting with you. Then, when she stops (perhaps just because she decided you are a private person who wants their space) you suddenly take even greater offense to her. You have indicated that you are a quiet person and therefore she has decided not to make small talk with you. Makes sense to me.

Also, like User pointed out, she may have been slighted somehow by one of your reactions and thinks that you don't appreciate her. Maybe next time, you could say "thank you" just before you walk off. It wouldn't be chit-chatting, and it's always nice to know that someone appreciates the work you do.

I've had my fair share of difficulties in this same area, but my SA has never prevented from giving a quick polite "thank you" or "sorry".

I'm not very good at this whole "socializing" fad.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-23-2008, 03:56 AM
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Re: having a hard time getting along with others

Unsensitive people are downright ignorant to others emotions. They have no concept that a still surface can actually be churning beneath.
I'm quite defiant, so I would carry on buying coffee from her, remain as you are and don't change for anyone. Just try not to blow the situation oout of proprtion by worrying. I know this cuz I used to always be timid around others, let others walk all over me but not now. Being polite to people that don't want to speak is not only good manners on your behalf but really annoying for them!

Somehow I found inner strength and know I deserve to be where I want to be. (Took years of hell to say that!).

If you feel better avoiding her for a while, take a packed lunch and a flask. Don't worry!!

"Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about." ~ Willy Wonka

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