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Old 08-16-2012, 03:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Have you ever been surrounded by people, and never felt more alone??

I've been dealing with this all of my life. I've always had friends, (true friends...that's questionable) but I've never managed to shave off the feeling of loneliness and isolation whenever i'm in the company of someone or a group of people. I won't go out a lot of the time, making my usual excuses (i'm sick/tired/whatever) because i end up feeling worse when i'm around people and feeling lonely and invisible...than i do when i'm in my own company.. so you see it's a vicious circle. I've recently been away with my group of friends for one of their birthdays and i honestly had the worst time. I felt like nothing i said mattered, like i was invisible or talking to myself...I thought whats the point of this? like everyone was being fake. has anyone ever felt this way with their own friends or in the company of others??
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Only if I am with people I don't know well. Then I feel alone. FI I am with friends, then all is good and I am pretty happy!
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I only feel that way until I know someone well enough to feel that they're a true friend. I'm sorry it's the norm for you.
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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yes I can relate to this completely. My SAD and depression broke in quickly when I turned 18 and started university in 2006.

Suddenly I couldn't and didn't feel like myself even around my closest friends anymore. Even around my own family to a degree.

Took a few years before things got bad enough but I eventually withdrew socially and stopped talking to my friends altogether for awhile. MY gf the one person I still felt normal around finally broke up after 4 years (2010) with me so I FINALLY made the determinded effort to go get help.

Have done medications CBT books and CBT groups. Things got better for awhile, Ive been able to function to a point where I feel comfortable that my anxiety is in my control and not noticed too much by others, went to class got a pt time job.

Then I went off antidepressant thing spring due to side effects and relapsed pretty much completely. Ditched the job I had this spring, and have been cutting myself off from my friends again the past few weeks.

There are basiclaly two levels of it for me, but SAD and depression are with you wherever you go. Same with most mental disorders. Because of the difference in the way you feel and think, you often end up feeling isolated from people around, regardless of how far you physically are from other people. It's the differences in your perceptions, in thinking in emotions and behavior that creates an isolation as compared to the mentally healthy people around you. Also comparing yourself to others when you go out can make u feel worse also.

level 1 - physical isolation: anxiety to out of control don't feel safe or in control enough to be able to see a friend and carry on a conversation without my problems coming across and being like wtf k and potentially losing a friend or damaging respect or the relationship

level 2 - mental isolation: on medication and feel good with progress I've made, can hold a part time job or take a class, go out and hang out with friends without even thinking about it/debating about not to, just saying screw it I got this. Go and do these things and can hold my own for the most part but am FAR from being able to ENJOY myself cause although anxiety is more under control, is still very present and am not actually being myself or having fun so much as I am still hiding or covering up my issues.
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I feel like this all the time at school.

It isn't even that people don't like me, I just make everything so awkward. For example, I usually sat alone in the caf last year (highschool by the way) and one day a group of students pulled me over (literally). Of course I was grateful that I finally got to be around people, but I knew I didn't belong. If I don't talk to somebody it is either because:

1) I have nothing to say to you.
2) I'm afraid to lose somebody that I never had to start with.

I think the best thing to do is approach people first - that will boost your confidence knowing that you actually wanted to talk to somebody.
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Old 08-16-2012, 04:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Quite a few times. I feel more alone with people than without them.
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Old 08-16-2012, 05:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pegger18636 View Post
yes I can relate to this completely. My SAD and depression broke in quickly when I turned 18 and started university in 2006.

Suddenly I couldn't and didn't feel like myself even around my closest friends anymore. Even around my own family to a degree.

Took a few years before things got bad enough but I eventually withdrew socially and stopped talking to my friends altogether for awhile. MY gf the one person I still felt normal around finally broke up after 4 years (2010) with me so I FINALLY made the determinded effort to go get help.

Have done medications CBT books and CBT groups. Things got better for awhile, Ive been able to function to a point where I feel comfortable that my anxiety is in my control and not noticed too much by others, went to class got a pt time job.

Then I went off antidepressant thing spring due to side effects and relapsed pretty much completely. Ditched the job I had this spring, and have been cutting myself off from my friends again the past few weeks.

There are basiclaly two levels of it for me, but SAD and depression are with you wherever you go. Same with most mental disorders. Because of the difference in the way you feel and think, you often end up feeling isolated from people around, regardless of how far you physically are from other people. It's the differences in your perceptions, in thinking in emotions and behavior that creates an isolation as compared to the mentally healthy people around you. Also comparing yourself to others when you go out can make u feel worse also.

level 1 - physical isolation: anxiety to out of control don't feel safe or in control enough to be able to see a friend and carry on a conversation without my problems coming across and being like wtf k and potentially losing a friend or damaging respect or the relationship

level 2 - mental isolation: on medication and feel good with progress I've made, can hold a part time job or take a class, go out and hang out with friends without even thinking about it/debating about not to, just saying screw it I got this. Go and do these things and can hold my own for the most part but am FAR from being able to ENJOY myself cause although anxiety is more under control, is still very present and am not actually being myself or having fun so much as I am still hiding or covering up my issues.
I'm sorry to here how things have gone for you. A lot of what you've said here is the exact same for me, I think I need to adjust my mentality in situations and as you've said my 'perceptions' of the situation. I can't say that I haven't tried though...it's all easier said than done..trying to change your negative thinking and adjust your attitudes when it's how you've been feeling for years... wish I was stronger and could just brush things off easily.. *sigh*
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Old 08-16-2012, 05:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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*sorry to hear
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Old 08-16-2012, 05:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I don't know if I just pick the wrong friends or what but all they want to do is get f'd up all the time.. what's the point?
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Old 08-16-2012, 05:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I don't get the "invisible feeling" much. Most the time when I feel invisible it's because I'm causing it. While everyone else is having fun I'm awkwardly standing back and saying nothing.
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Old 08-16-2012, 05:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I sometimes feel like this. I think it's because of the very fact that you're surrounded by people you're not interacting with, and/or who aren't interacting with you, it just drives the point home how isolated we really are, to feel isolated even when surrounded by people. The isolation becomes more than a physical state of not being near people; it's a mental state of not being near people, as well. In many ways, that can be even more difficult to overcome than physical isolation. (Though I know from experience that physical isolation just makes it worse.)

One time in elementary school I was with a group of friends and we went with the principal to do something in the gym. These were nice people, the principal too, but somehow they just forgot I was there with them, and completely ignored me. I sadly wandered off and nobody ever even noticed that I'd gone.

Ditto with some forums I really tried to fit into, where I posted hundreds of helpful posts, nobody noticed when I left.

I once dreamed I was at a gathering and no matter what I tried, nobody noticed me. I finally in anger and frustration said, "I wish I were invisible, that would teach them!" I noticed eventually that a few people seemed to wonder where I was, and they couldn't see me. I found a mirror and looked in it and...you guessed it. I'd turned invisible, literally.

I started crying and then I woke up. One of the worst feelings in the world.
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