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Old 11-06-2009, 10:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Have you ever been excluded from a group?

For instance at a group social you receive the silent treatment from certain members because they don't want you there.


How did it make you feel?

Do people create bad karma when they do that?
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Old 11-07-2009, 12:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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To be honest, they do in response to me excluding them. I can't believe I just posted that, but it is true. If I am the one who excludes myself, I should not expect others to include me in the long run. They also have feelings.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Well towards the end of high school two out of the four people in my little clique of friends decided they didn't like me. They started excluding me from things and would invite my other friends but not me. I actually dealt with it pretty well. I didn't feel they were better then me, cooler then me, or I wasn't good enough. I felt they were cowards. They did everything very discretely and would treat me well when I was around although everyone myself included knew they didn't like me. With college coming up and my SA improving I just kind of moved past it.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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No, because I exclude myself from the group before it happens. As soon as I pick up on someone not wanting me there, I leave.
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Old 11-07-2009, 04:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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It made me feel like ****, but I get why they excluded me.
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Old 11-07-2009, 04:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Catching Fire View Post
Well towards the end of high school two out of the four people in my little clique of friends decided they didn't like me. They started excluding me from things and would invite my other friends but not me. I actually dealt with it pretty well. I didn't feel they were better then me, cooler then me, or I wasn't good enough. I felt they were cowards. They did everything very discretely and would treat me well when I was around although everyone myself included knew they didn't like me. With college coming up and my SA improving I just kind of moved past it.
Pretty much this exact thing happened to me, too. It really, really bothered me at the time but not so much now, the people involved basically isolated themselves from a lot of people.

A couple of months ago, I went to a show with one of my best friends, who I've been worrying is slowly replacing me with his new friends he met on the internet, he's started doing things we used to do together with them and stuff. He showed up with about ten of these people, spent the entire evening with them and afterwards, told me he was going out with them. I think one of them actually took the time to speak to me. It was horrible, I spent the whole night feeling awkward, standing on the edge of them all like I was someone pretending to know them.
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Pretty much this exact thing happened to me, too. It really, really bothered me at the time but not so much now, the people involved basically isolated themselves from a lot of people.

A couple of months ago, I went to a show with one of my best friends, who I've been worrying is slowly replacing me with his new friends he met on the internet, he's started doing things we used to do together with them and stuff. He showed up with about ten of these people, spent the entire evening with them and afterwards, told me he was going out with them. I think one of them actually took the time to speak to me. It was horrible, I spent the whole night feeling awkward, standing on the edge of them all like I was someone pretending to know them.
see, that's just rude! I have some compassionate friends who know I am shy and who I THINK wouldn't treat me like that. Is your friend kind of a fair-weather friend?
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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He isn't, we're really tight and have been for a long time, which probably makes it worse. I don't think he actually realised he was doing it or that it would bother me, and I'm not someone who's going to say anything about it.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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He isn't, we're really tight and have been for a long time, which probably makes it worse. I don't think he actually realised he was doing it or that it would bother me, and I'm not someone who's going to say anything about it.
I see.
I think i can relate. i think a lot of my friends have compartimentalized me into a category of doing more "chill" things - not including going out on the town. They just don't think of me when they're doing those things.
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Old 11-08-2009, 06:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by millenniumman75 View Post
To be honest, they do in response to me excluding them. I can't believe I just posted that, but it is true. If I am the one who excludes myself, I should not expect others to include me in the long run. They also have feelings.
I feel the same way. On a good day.
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I work with 2 women. They exclude me from most of their personal conversations which is ok, but this flows over into our work situation. As a result, I feel left out, excluded. I just chalk it up to the fact that they are two really mean girls. One is 35 & just sucks the life out of a room. She needs so much attention. When I try to talk to her, she snipes at me. She has a very combative personality. She told everyone again & again that her birthday is tomorrow. Me, me me. The other one is 53, a gum smacker, hypochondriac. Since I told to her to stop the disgusting gum smacking at work , she is pissed. Everything has to go her way. I tend to be anti social so I take some responsibility as well. I keep things to myself & don't brag about stuff like they do. But I feel some jealousy about their friendship. But, this is also work. I don't belive you can really be friends with someone you work directly with. I want to leave my position at work. I love the work, hate the toxic environment. I sit right between these two. I call it "Being bookended by two *****es". What do I do?

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Old 04-02-2011, 08:16 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Yes, and what a nerve racking situation it was.

Been excluded many times on many occasions and in most of these situations it was due to insecure people needing a scapegoat.

One instance where this happened is when I worked in a barn and was part of an early morning group. The barn manager said that everyone needs to come at 6 AM. My group members (all overachieving b*tches) decide to come every week at 4 AM. We were required to show up at 6 and I always came at 5:30 AM (my sleep is more precious to me than eating) to do my part - usually the jobs no one liked to do. I would come, do my work, and never complain. This group would cold shoulder me and everything. One particular girl would always complain about me saying I was late. In addition, she would holler at me 24/7 and had NO right to do so. She wasn't the barn manager so her ing went in one ear and out the other. She just seemed to get a kick out trying to make my life a living hell, even OFF of barn duty. Luckily, karma was on my side and she got sick in the hospital for three months (I know that's effed up to be happy about something like that) and she went ballistic when I stole her parking spot this other time and when I got a better grade then her in chemistry. Karma not only got that girl but the whole barn group. Because they decided to be the overacheivers of the barn the manager stuck them with more work than normal.

Everyone else could see how awful my group was to me. But yeah, being excluded AND chastised really sucks when you did nothing wrong.
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Old 04-02-2011, 08:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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The better question to ask me is "have you ever not been excluded from a group?". Rarely, very rarely.
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Old 04-02-2011, 08:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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On the first day of 8th grade, I sat down next to some people in one of my classes; they got up and left. I knew one of them from the 7th grade, but wasn't sure who the other was. The one that I knew seemed to be the initiate, while the other was like "Hey, why don't you want to sit next to him?" & followed. There were rumors of me being gay back then, which is why that happened. Man, I hated middle school.

I cried when I got home.
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Old 04-02-2011, 10:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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well I hated being one of the few people who didn't have a partner or group for school presentations/assignments and when no one picks me to be in their team in gym class.
It pisses me off.
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Old 04-02-2011, 10:58 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pita View Post
It made me feel like ****, but I get why they excluded me.
This.

For example, in school once these girls were discussing Gossip Girl. I hadn't watched the show so I had nothing to say. They continued without me like I wasn't there, but they were just acquaintances so my lack of knowledge on the subject wasn't reason to start talking about something else just for the sake of me not being excluded (although that would have been very kind of them lol).
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Old 04-03-2011, 01:22 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Yep. In high school (when my SA was almost non-existent at the time), I went to one of the only parties I was ever invited to. It was an acquaintance's place (it was his birthday) and we had gone to school with each other for five years at that point. I get there and even though he invited me he didn't talk to me most of the night. People I knew there avoided me. The only one that talked to me the whole night was my best friend. Then, at the end when we were leaving I went to wish him a happy birthday and he just looked at me like I was a freak or something. I didn't know what to do, gave him a hug which he thanked me but it was awkward I left.

But recently there was this woman at work who had this party. She was telling a few people around me that they were invited and that 'everyone I know is invited'. I looked up from my desk at her curiously and she called each person by their name and said "mark you're invited...stacy you're invited" etc, and didn't look at me and walked off. I got the picture. I've known her for 3 years now so it was a little insulting that she couldn't just say from the start that those people are invited instead of making a point to show I wasn't included.

I've also found out recently that a lot of people in my department have been going to parties at one of the bosses' places for the last couple years and I was never invited.

I may not want to go but it sucks not to even be asked.
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Old 04-03-2011, 01:24 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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i feel excluded when im in school. when we do group work, it seems people dont talk to me. ive been on meetups on SAS this site, and i havent been excluded, but i do stand out, cause i dont drink lol.
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Old 04-03-2011, 07:53 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dustii7 View Post
The better question to ask me is "have you ever not been excluded from a group?". Rarely, very rarely.

How bout I tell a good story about the one time I've been accepted?
I was going to a brand new school in a small rural area for freshman year (high school). It was very small, so everyone already knew each other and I felt like an outsider, always being excluded from jokes, convos, etc. TBH, I think this is what triggered/worsened my SA. BUT there was one class with 3 sophomores that I always looked forward to. I could be outgoing, funny, talk, be _myself_ and not feel bad about it around them (but less so at school). When we met once outside of school, I was even more "normal." The one thing I'll never remember is when one said, "You don't talk very much, but when you do, it's always something important." and "You're so much fun outside of school!" I don't think they know how much that meant to me. why hasn't that happened since then!?
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Old 04-03-2011, 11:38 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I've never wanted to be part of any group. I've excluded the group.
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