Have you been abused?

[illlaymedown]

I mean sexually, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally and how so?....I feel like there has to be others and I feel so alone Some of the abuse just plays over and over in my mind and things that happened when I was a kid will just pop up in my head for no given reason and it really catches me off-guard....Images of the past I don't want to think about...and I close my eyes really tight and force them back down but the damage remains. I have forgiven them, but the pain and the memories remain and even now, my parents aren't much better than they used to be. My dad verbally puts me down in his alcoholic stupor and my mom emotionally since she shows no concern to help me in any way Sometimes, I feel like I'm a bad person cus of the way they make me feel...I'm so stressed and irritated that I think that along with my SA comes off as b***hyness.
When I was a child I was molested and my sister as well by my mom's bf at the time and she stayed with him when she found out. He also hit us and beat my mom a lot. My dad has always been an alcoholic and always puts me down. None of the rest of my family is much better either I have a really hard time when theses memories surface and I wonder if anybody else is dealing with something similar?

[secretlyshecries]

I'm really sorry to hear about all you've had to go through. I haven't been physically abused or anything like that but growing up my parents played a lot of mind games with one another and it was sort of hard growing up in the middle of that.

[southward]

I've had a lot of emotional abuse from my father. I don't think he realized how bad he was though. My emotional state, which was always in a wreak from one thing or the other since the age of five, only started to improve after I moved out of his house. My mother didn't leave him for fear of "ruining the kids lifes" what a joke.

[Iced Soul]

I'm so sorry that all that happened to you.

If anything, I've only been emotionally and verbally abused. I don't think it's really that horrible, but I definitely could do without it.

[eternally_shy]

You are not alone. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Luckily nothing like that happened when I was a kid, but my hell started 2 years ago. And I pretty much blame myself for all of it and tried to confide in some of my closest friends. That backfired and they pretty much blamed me as well and told me to "just get over it", which made me feel even guiltier. Haven't talked about it since. The worst part for me would be the nightmares. Also, you are much stronger than me if you can forgive. I'm full of hatred and it switches daily (sometimes from moment to moment) from myself to him. I should probably talk about it, but I'm not comfortable discussing it in public because of my friends' reaction. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message.

[Larkspur]

Wow. I am really, really sorry that you had to experience all of that.

I was horribly mentally/emotionally abused when I was growing up. My parents verbally put me down all the time and made fun of me. They've basically told me that I am a disappointment to them. Growing up, my mom would always threaten the things I love if things didn't go her way - she would rip up my favorite books if I said something wrong, or she would constantly tell me she was going to give my pets away to the pound. It really put a lot of strain on me. I know it may not seem as bad as physical abuse, and granted- it's not, but it still leaves damage.

I am constantly replaying all the different hurtful things in my mind. It is hard to put into words all the things that I want to say and all the things that have occurred to me. I don't remember much of my childhood because I have repressed it all. I built myself my own little world and I have yet to escape it. I learned from a young age not to really trust anyone because I wasn't even good enough for my own family. If the people who created me--the people who are supposed to love me--can judge me so harshly then what could a perfect stranger be thinking about me?

...you aren't alone.

[zomgz]

ugh... i tried to post my message but i can't. i'm sorry!

[LaRibbon]

Pysically and emotionly yes. I was hit and for about 3 years I kept my bedroom window permanantly unlocked so I had an ''escape''. ^Above reminds me, I also was threatened that my pet cat would be sent to the pound...

I think everyone has been emotionally abused at some point, some more than others...

I'm sorry for what you've been through.

[illlaymedown]

No way you guys, emotional pain is horrible. You shouldn't think it's any less. That's what sticks with you. When the physical ans sexual abuse are gone the pain stays. When I say I forgive them, I mean I give up my lust for revenge towards them, meaning I can be free of them and just let God handle them. I can relate to so many of these stories...the guy my mom dated was an alcoholic, and he threw a kitten across the hall one time to hurt me...I thought it was gonna die, I got it and locked the door to keep him away from it. He also chased me down the street one time cus I wouldn't eat his mom's food, I was about maybe 10 or so, my mom often stood in between him and us and took his abuse. I feel like people are only ever gonna see me as "damaged goods" and judge me for my family and they have before...My mom's bf now threatens to throw my cats outside but these days I developed this hardened shell inside and I just tell him off which just ends up making me feel worse but I can't help it. There's so much I have to work through and I just don't even know where to begin. I'm tired of people leaving me cus of it and I'm tired of taking it out on people who don't deserve it, but it's so hard. If any of you guys wanna talk, I appreciate and welcome it. Add me, PM me or whatever you'd like

[Iced Soul]

I don't guess I think of it any less because I know it's just as bad, it's still abuse. I think I've just become so used to it, it doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.

And wow, all those things that have happened to you, it's absolutely horrible, but forgiving them is good. It's more for you, so you can move on and be free. God will definitely take care of them when he's ready.
While telling him off might make you feel worse, it shows that you're strong. If anyone was doing that kind of stuff to me, I probably wouldn't be able to say anything, let alone tell them off. I'd be too scared. You certainly aren't damaged goods, and if anyone thinks that about you, they're beneath you and not worth your notice.

[Rixy]

Sorry to hear about all the abuse people have suffered. My dad's also an alcoholic, and luckily I have never suffered any abuse from him. I consider myself lucky because he's extremely aggressive. My mum told me once that if you ticked him off enough he would probaby gut you. He'd apologise later, but what good would that do? I don't really care for him, he doesn't really care for me, we have a neutral feeling with each other and we never talk. It suits me fine. My dad's friend squeezed my testicles once when I was 8. Me and my friend were play fighting with him before, but he came over to me in the corner when no one was looking, he sure as hell wasn't playing. He also suggested that we "get into his car once". Damn, it's a good thing he never socialised with my dad much, they were just work associates. I consider myself lucky for not being abused in my childhood, because I really could have been if the right situations came about.

And to anyone that feels that they would be judged because of their family, don't worry. Why would I or other people judge you for someone else's lifestyle or actions? That's just silly.

[leonardess]

I am sorry you or anyone has this happen to them. it is hellish, cruel, and a very rough road through life.

Your parents tore up their parent cards a long time ago. Unfortunately, just about anyone can reproduce.

Yes, it will stay with you for a very long time, in various forms, but i can tell you that it *does* get better. what you must do is learn what particular issues you have inherited from this treatment, how they affect your thinking and your behaviour, and then be aware of when "they" are making choices for you, and stop, and change it with alternate thinking. It is very difficult to learn.

I started dealing with the emotional fallout back when i was 22, and have been at it until very recently. But it's been worth it. I love life too much, even with all the concomitant problems abuse brings. I do hope it will be the same for you. I definitely feel that what I have been through has exacerbated the SA. I was born a quiet, introverted child, but the environment I grew up in reinforced this and brought about SA to a large extent.

that being said, it is not impossible to live a rewarding, adventurous life of sorts, and you will have a special, unique view of the world and its inhabitants, to say the least.

I have been in the Navy, I have had relationships and done my best to learn from each one (in my own sometimes stunted way), I have made serious mistakes, but I have also made very good, rewarding choices. I have had good experiences, along with the bad, I have traveled and seen places I thought I would never see, I have accomplished some things I thought I never would. I have had moments of complete despair, I was suicidal at 13. I have suffered emotional, physical, and some sexual molestation at the hands of those who were supposed to care for me. But, I would not give up this life for anything in the world. I would not.

I hope it can be so for you too, but you must choose it. It isn't fair, but that is simply the way it is. you get the hand you are dealt with. You are now an adult, and if you take responsibility for yourself, your life, and what you do with it instead of leaving it in the hands of those who have treated you this way, then already you are taking steps to recovery.

Let that be your guide: who is responsible here, for the choice I am making today?

Your recovery isup to you, but i can tell you you can do it. If I can, anyone can. I have worked almost nonstop since I was 14, I hold a responsible position in a good firm, that pays decently. I can support myself. So will you one day. it is entirely possible. You'll just have to put in more work.

Read everything you can get your hands on about abuse. i recommend starting with the Courage to Heal books. but don't stop there.

Good luck to you. Oh, and see if you can get a therapist. the best thing about being in the Navy was that it enabled me to seek help and be able to pay for it at a time when I really needed it.

[obliviouszarius]

I've had several types of abuse since my mum married my alcoholic step dad when i was 5 most of it was physical and mental but when i got to the age of 13 it became sexual i watched everyday for 10yrs as he beat my mum and sisters and brother, he tried to strangle my mum to death 3 or 4 times and all i could do was watch too scared to do anything, he tried to blow the house up once and made us stand in the kitchen and watch as he did it. aswell as the abuse i got at home i was bullied at school aswell because i'm transgendered so no matter what i did i couldnt escape, i went home got abused i went to school got bullied. my mum finally divorced my stepdad 5yrs ago it took him giving me a black eye, spliting my lip and throwing me across the living room to realise enough was enough. i got pulled out of school with depression when i was 15 and i have now suffered with SA since then, on the plus side i am now a man and have been for 9 weeks at least something good came out of it. srry for any spelling mistakes

[Logan X]

We grew up with an abusive father. Even when mom took us away, he wasn't done with us and kept finding where we were. He stopped only when me and my bro were strong enough to kick his ***. Well, he stopped the physical abuse anyway. The mental abuse never stops when he's drunk. We don't see him anymore, though. He's dead to us.

[illlaymedown]

It's not that ppl judge u 4 the family u have (tho some do), but they judge u more 4 the "issues" u have from that family.I think I said the term "damaged goods", some ppl(mainly guys)think that way.The rest of my family looks on us as the black sheep.They r rich, snobby& extremely judgemental, I stopped going 2 get-togethers cus of that.They never talk 2 us pretty much& that's ok w/me, altho it hurts 2 know I don't have a family.I 2 can relate w/the being teased at school n the midst of all the suffering at home.We were moved around a lot of dif schools cus we went from mom, dad, 2 foster home, 2 both parents at once, 2 other family members so til hs I was never really settled in 1 school.I got teased 4 what I wore, being poor, having foodstamps, at 1 time we got lice from that guy's kids(that was the worst), being quiet, etc..kids r cruel 4 the most part. 1 girl asked me snottily y I came back 2 a school after we'd left it once.I do think/know it all taught me a lot of good things tho& I wanted 2 know if any1 could relate so I posted this& a good bit can. @Rixy: even 1 event can be damaging, my sister got the brunt of this guy's sexual abuse. He maybe said many inappropriate things 2 me, & touched me a few times from what I remember, but 1 time I woke up in the middle of the night& he was laying on me on my covers& touching me over the clothes(I rarely tell amybody about this time cus it makes me sick). I mainly only mention the time where he took me down a dirt road& I fought him, maybe cus that makes me feel less shame.My uncle also molested my sister once& she told& everybody treated us all horribly after that.2day, they act like nothing ever happened& it still eats my sister up inside.She drinks a lot, married a loser at the age of 19, does drugs& such..I am thankful I at least didn't turn out like that.I've very little 2 do w/alcohol, no drugs& I have strong moral convictions.I get angered pretty quickly by things& can easily share my feelings.&I'm glad 2 have the views on sex& love as I do as well.

[illlaymedown]

And thanks so much to everyone who's written....I know it's hard to do especially if you've been abused and very brave . Also thanks for the words of encouragement

[UltraShy]

I was frequently abused by bullies in school who found me, the fat shy kid, to be a most attractive target. Now decades later with so many kids being so fat I'd no longer stand out as such an obvious target.

Looking back, my mistake was failure to fight back with a vengeance. Bullies have a brain the size of a pea, but kick them in the balls as hard as you can or punch them in the face leaving them bleeding and even these dim bulbs will get the point and move on to easier prey.

[Meee]

Emotionally / verbally, my father was / is an alcoholic. I don't live with him any longer.

[brokensaint]

I was abused when I was eight, by people running an after-school "day care". I'm happy I can't find them, life in prison looks boring.

[illlaymedown]

^ Nice
I really don't understand some people...how you can intentionally harm a child is beyond me, let alone your own kid that you helped make. It wasn't their choice afterall.