Hate being alone, hate social situations - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-30-2009, 04:56 PM Thread Starter
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Hate being alone, hate social situations

Being alone sucks, no friends, no going out, certainingly no sex life. Yet I have to be dragged kicking and screaming into the outside world. Partly because I'm no good at the social stuff. Ask me to tell a joke and I would be fluxmoxed. I don't have a bank of funny stories, you know the time he made out with that girl who turn out to be, or so and so got so drunk he... No social life, means no stories, like no jobs means no references.
When I am in the outside world, I find myself wishing I was somewhere else. When the family get together they are all discussing their new jobs, or relationships. The most exciting thing that happened to me in the last month was finding a two for one on coke (and not the fun kind). So I'm wishing I was finsihing my book, watching TV, or anywhere but there.
With stranger it is even worse. I play social tennis at the local club. To be fair they haven't exactly made me feel welcome, there was this meal out booked, and they forgot to send me the details. I spend the time in the background with the conversation flowing around me, hundred times worse when an attractive single girls turns up. At which point I say hello, she doesn't smile, and responds with one word answers to any questions. Killing the conversation stone dead. Then the same girl talks to better looking charming guy. She is warm, engaged and interesting. At which point I go home feeling worse than I did when I went; wondering why I bothered.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-30-2009, 05:55 PM
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when you ain't got nothing you got nothing to lose. do something different and out there that you enjoy
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-30-2009, 06:04 PM
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Eckhart Tolle talks about being in the moment, and being able to welcome the next moment that is coming. If you aren't present, your ego is poisoning your present moment. He's a great author/teacher. I recommend his books to everyone who wants to rediscover their calm and control.

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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-30-2009, 06:46 PM
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Hey, Zaph, I'm in the same boat you're in, buddy. I leave my house about twice a month, which is no exaggeration, I've been sngle since 1997, friends hardly ever come visit me, and nothing exciting ever really happens to me in my life. You know what though? I don't mind my life the way it is. The world has the problem in my opinion, not me. Think about it. Everyone treats confidence as EVERYTHING, and whoever doesn't have it they treat like less of a person. Why reject and treat people a certain way because we have an imbalnce in chemicals and a problem we can't help? That's why I hate confident people and think confidence is HIGHLY overrated. Jesus, John Wayne Gayce had confidence too. Look at him. SO because we have a disability, people don't treat us kind or don't treat us at all. The world's the problem in that respect.
With the girls that ignore you ... don't worry about them, they're obviously not good enough for you. Not the other way around. I know TONS of girls who get abused by men and they won't let them go no matter what. Yet, I know some kind-hearted guys who couldn't get a date (LITERALLY) if they were the last man on earth. Females seem to have a distorted view on relationships. They want the bad boy IDIOT types. Why? Like attracts like. But not all of them, just the majority. Majority rules, even though 99 percent of the time it's wrong ... just a bunch of followers and no leaders. If I were you I'd find a better place to hang out than there, if it's possible. Besides, you don't need a woman to be happy. Be happy with yourself, social anxiety disorder and all. In my personal opionion, there is NO disorder in this world more misunderstood than SAD. Everyone thinks we're a bunch of weirdos without trying to find out anything real and concrete. Again, this proves the fact that the world has the problem, not us. Hang in there, man.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 08:29 PM
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everywhere I go I feel like everyone hates me. I mean new people I meet right off the bat hate me or give me attitude. I have a huge problem making friends but at least I try and try everytime.yet it always fails. no one likes me at all I feel like it sucks really does. I have so much love I just want to give out yet people say it's too much I give. that I'm too clingy " I feel like my bf hates me also. never likes the love I give him or say it's too much all the time I just want to touch him or hug him. I just wish I could get love back from anyone. but noone does. I really hate myself and the way I look. the way I act the way I talk. I am not really happy with myself. I do got low self esteem. but idk how to improve that. I cry about everything wth is that. I wish I was more of a ***** or evil or just did not have so much feelings. how can I improve on that ?
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 08:57 PM
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 09:01 PM
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Lets all be honest the reason none of you socialise is because you filter your thoughts before conversing to not look weird.When in actuality it destroys your conversational ability.You have to take chances thats all Im saying but plz dont talk about nerdy things to give me a negative impression on you.If people had the same interest as yall you would be friends.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-20-2014, 11:55 PM
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It's the never ending cycle, forever causing a dilemma.

It sucks having to talk with people who have much, much more interesting stories and lives to tell about.

"What have you been up to?", Me: "Uhh..."
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 03:15 AM
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I hate being alone too,that's why I don't let my mum to find the job.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 04:38 AM
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I feel ya homie. It's hard out here for a pimp when he he aint got no holes.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 03:46 PM
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Sucks to be alone, sucks to be with other ppl. It's always a lose-lose.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 03:52 PM
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Same for me OP....I despise being alone...But I'm such a loner that I hate being in social situations...

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-23-2015, 02:59 AM
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This all sounds like the common 'downward spiral' many of us go through.

I have more or less no life experiences. As I've said in the past, my life more or less stalled when I left school at the age of 16. I've never made any new friends since (I eventually lost the few I had from those days). I remain at home with my parents, I've yet to go abroad, I've never had any relationship whatsoever, I've never been to any proper night club, I'm not an active member of any club (barring online forums such as this) and I only ever go out drinking when it’s a special occasion or when I'm on holiday.

Barring having a car and a job, my life has not really progressed for 14 years. If anything, I've gone backwards. Otherwise I'm doing nothing, going nowhere and seeing no one.

I would like to be a popular person and I have made countless attempts at connecting with people whenever I've been out and about in the past – often with work colleagues. I don't actually mind talking to people as I can 'mask' my SA fairly well, or at least I thought I could. Unfortunately, I just seem to make an idiot out of myself whenever I open my mouth and as the years have gone by, it's become blatantly obvious that no matter what I say, do or act changes people's negative opinions about me. I'm either snubbed or spoken down to like a child. I don't know anything else and this has simply escalated my anxiety problems as the years have gone by. I don't believe they've necessarily come from me or my mind – it's actually come from others around me and that's why to a large degree, I prefer being alone. It's the only time I don't face some sort of personal criticism from others.

Despite all of this, I'm pretty miserable being alone. It's as if I want friends…but at an arms length and there when required - rather than them being too close. Strange, isn't it? Some of us like being left alone but find ourselves a bit fed up in doing so. Unfortunately, I have no logical explanation for this. The only thing I can think of is perhaps down to previous bad situations or experiences of friends.

Unfortunately, seeking help for this will not work for some people (myself included) because there are plenty of professionals out there who seem to think we can just click our fingers, forget everything and simply 'change'. If we could do that, we would – that's the whole point why some people go to seek help in the first place. They need others to give them a helping hand – they can't self-generate a new found confidence from, well, thin air.

"My life is an endless purgatory, interrupted by profound moments of misery"

My Blog: https://haymansafc.wordpress.com/
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