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Old 02-08-2012, 02:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Getting yelled at by people

I sometimes get random people snapping at me when I make a little mistake. I don't know why, its like I attract hostile reactions. For instance today we have these meetings at my school where all the students come and I had to write down people's names to speak. One girl was speaking for a really long time and I thought she was done talking so I began writing other people's names on the board who had their hands up. (this was my first time doing this so I didn't know when to write names down and was sort of overwhelmed)... anyways, this guy who I know but not well flipped out at me in front of everyone and yelled at me to stop because she wasn't done yet. He then gave me a disgusted face and whispered with some people as if I'd just done the rudest thing in the world. I was so taken aback, I just wanted to give up. I feel like whenever I try something, people look out for my mistakes and react so hostile/condescending towards me. I don't know if he would have yelled like that if it was anyone else because he's usually nice. Maybe I'm just an easy target or misunderstood... Does anyone else get these unwanted rude reactions from people?
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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that guy is an a**hole really he was probably trying to attract attention to him cause his popular friends were there with him,all you can really do is not give a f### and move on
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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He sounds like a very impatient man, yelling at you over a mistake tells me that he's a very impatient and lacks empathy, yelling at you shows me this guy has a low tolerance level. Sensitive people are the most prone to reaction from yelling, it's meant to make you feel small and pull down your defenses.

You did nothing to deserve being yelled at, the guy was impatient, another thing to look at is that sometimes we are so sensitive we misinterpret a raised voice for yelling, my grandma would often raise her voice to me but I was so sensitive that it often sounded like she was yelling at me. Did he yell out loud or did he just raise voice?

Either way it tells me he's very impatient, I know how you must have felt, first you were startled, you might want to cry, you feel like getting upset, your adrenaline's running, are any of those true for you? Most of all you just want to get out of there.

Next time someone yells at you, I want you to relax your entire body, breathe from your stomach and look the person straight in the face, when they yell, ask them to repeat for you in a calmer tone what it is they want. Don't take his yelling to heart, it's easy to let someone's yelling get to you especially with SA, your nervous, your adrenaline's running, your scared. Tell yourself it's a mistake that it's not the end of the world and you can fix it, he's not perfect.

Hope what I posted makes sense.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I tend to tense up when someone yells at me, even if its for just small things. Last time I tensed up was when me and my stepdad were out to dinner for his parents, and I wanted to cover the tip for the dinner. Apparently there was a hidden rule that you shouldn't tip until the bill is paid for. But stepdad called me out on it, "WTF are you doing you stupid dumb ****?!" Everyone turned around in the restaurant, while my stepdad was yelling at me. He adds some more profanity laced tirades at me and I just walked up and left the restaurant and walked home.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Anger is scary- We protect ourselves by fighting back or running away, I do the first.

Anger conveys pain-People express anger when they are in pain, which is a result of fear, frustration and disappointment, there's a level of embarrassment, they are sensitive to your mistakes because in their minds it can make them feel like failures, this is not your fault, this is a perception they have.


Here's what to do
Watch the show-Detach yourself from the yelling, just listen, I too often in my life took other people's frustration and annoyance at face value, I've learned over time that it is a reflection on them, unless your a real annoying you know what who ticks off people for no reason than you shouldn't take it personally.

Never fight back
Lesson learned over 2-3 decades of fighting with my grandmother, her frustration and anger would provoke and scare me into yelling back, not good it only added over the years to my anxiety, yelling made me look like the bad guy but guess what? I still do it from time to time here and there but I've learned how to detach myself now, not easy but comes with a lot of experience. You just leave go to your comfort zone.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Never fight back
This is a funny world. They say never fight back, but if you never do, they walk all over you. To such an extent, they deprive you of your ability to earn an income, opportunities to establish connections with people, possibly relationships... you can ignore, try act like them, stay quiet or move - but they keep taking from you. Enough that one day you fight back because you can't afford not to. Then you're the bad guy for fighting back. The victim for complaining that they won't let you just live. It's a funny world.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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People who do these types of things do it because they perceive you as weak and believe you will just take it. Just because you have SA does not mean you have to be weak also. There are many things you can do when someone does something like this. You can ask them if they trying to get a rise out of you? If so their going to have to get that red of out their cheeks first because it’s just so adorable that it makes you want to squeeze them. I prefer the approach of saying, “Are you having a bad day because you seem a little grumpy” if they continue I end up going with, “You better choose your next words very carefully because nobody speaks to me like that”.
Since you said it only happens sometime I think it’s safe to say the majority of the time that this happens it is because the person is naturally a jerk or in the case of the example you gave maybe the person is having a bad day. You know the ones who are doing this to you and which category they most likely fit into. If someone is having a bad day just asking them if it is so opens them up to talking about it and in return you turn a negative into actually helping someone to have a better day. If they are a jerk you are going to have to stand up for yourself.
Even someone like myself who holds there head up high all the time and has high confidence runs across these types of people. The only difference is I choose to put a stop to it instead of allowing them to make me feel like I’m something smaller than I actually am.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Never fight back means don't lower yourself to their level, don't yell back or get angry, instead detach yourself, look at what the person is saying and ask them to again clarify your mistake and help you figure out a solution. You have to stand your ground but you have to ask yourself if it's really worth the battle, Roylee said it best, that person might be having a bad day or their a jerk, in which case you have to decide if your going to call them out on their attitude or just you know this is not worth it.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I like what zmoneyt said. You need to stand your ground with bullies aka angry people. Draw a line, set a boundary and then stick to it. Don't let them get away with it or they will keep doing it.
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Old 02-08-2012, 03:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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You haven't done anything wrong. He and the other people at you school are just wierd
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Old 02-08-2012, 04:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I don't know it just seems like people react ruder towards me than to others.
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Old 02-08-2012, 04:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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What your describing is called nit picking or fault finding. I also experience this a lot. I know that there perception is skewed or lopsided and in my mind I am able to dismiss the comments or at the very least, the *** hole who "called me out" loses credibility in my own eyes which helps keep me sane.
I am targeted because of my low self esteem which you can see in my body language the same way you can read confidence in another person. Hang in there.
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Aw, I feel for you . I've had similar things happen in school or such, even in college when I thought everyone was supposed to be beyond immature behavior like that. I hate it when it happens to me because though I try to hold it together until I get out of the situation, when I get back to the safety of my personal space, I dwell on what happened, get really depressed and tend to binge-eat and isolate, or other escapist behavior to try to erase the memory of what just happened. It sucks. Sometimes, I've felt like maybe I was a target because I was often alone and had no particular group to back me up or maybe because my personality was too quiet and soft and I look easy to intimidate, but I don't know.
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I tense up and try and hold it together when I get yelled at by people. Especially my mom who will raise her voice at me so everyone who is within our vicinity can hear, and she will belittle me for it.
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Old 02-09-2012, 04:26 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Maybe he was on his time of the month. Could be little to do with you.

I had a random stranger flip out on me on the way back from a prestigious art college. I was already in a foul mood because the school had dragged me up there, and because they'd discovered I intended to do science at uni, I was the only member of the group who didn't get an award; just an aknowledgement. I found out only when they called my name - my art teacher was a ****. I scowled at everyone as I took a handshake. At the station, I was walking slowly and confused as usual when the random stranger shouted and swore at me - can't you go any ******* slower!? - and the headmaster was right beside me and looked and said nothing.

There are many irritable buggers around and they'll take it out on easy targets, but some of them might just be having a rare off day or anyone can set them off. They might even regret it and feel guilty afterwards - maybe you could confront that guy. Either way, knowing might help. I'm an irritable bugger in general but take it out on myself and those who attack me.
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Old 02-09-2012, 06:24 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Do you ever retaliate? People use to do things like this, name calling, abuse, etc. I am not a very hostile person and I hate confrontation so i'd just sit back in hopes these people would see where they went wrong and correct those mistakes, they didn't, in my experience all you can do is stand up for yourself, when I started to things started getting a little better, you don't need to be some scary person, just let people know you will not tolerate being walked over, this guy was a d***, I wouldn't dwell on it too much, you made a mistake, these things happen.
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Old 02-11-2012, 01:14 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackout93 View Post
Do you ever retaliate? People use to do things like this, name calling, abuse, etc. I am not a very hostile person and I hate confrontation so i'd just sit back in hopes these people would see where they went wrong and correct those mistakes, they didn't, in my experience all you can do is stand up for yourself, when I started to things started getting a little better
Like it or not, this is right. Think though, no need for fists.
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Old 02-10-2014, 07:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Default its sad but true

Some people make a million mistakes and virtually almost never get yelled at by anyone while other people can make the simplest mistakes and get the eye of a hurricane. I'm not really sure why it works out that way, its bazaar and seem not smart to assume that in this very complicated system we call life that some people are simply doomed to receive bad energy from others is plausible however you call it like you see it. I too am one of thoes people that seems to be just unlucky. I've gotten yelled at for no good reason at all, for example I worked at Macy's for awhile and was consistently nice to every customer I had. The rest of the associates were openly rude I mean anything from huffing whispering loudly sounds funny but if I could hear them I'm not sure how the customer who was an inch from my face couldn't, to plan old walking off and saying I'm not doing this ****. And for whatever reason nobody ever complained I mean no one. But one day I had a huge fight with my boyfriend and went to work for the first time after three years with a straight face and no smile. I rang this one women up respectfully but I wants smiling. I wasn't rude or anything but the lady asked me what was wrong. I smiled and said I had a bad night didn't sleep well, her response was well I didn't come here for that I demand to speak to a manager now!!! Needless to say I cried and felt horrible. One last example is with my mother in law. She runs dish water but most of the time leaves lettuces leaves in the water and a whole soup of crap. Well one day I cooked rice, and the pot was nearly completely clean of rice, I mean maybe three or four cooked grains left. I placed the pot in the dish water for cleaning later and I guess she saw it there. It wasn't not normal for anyone to put pots in the dish water to get cleaned within the hour but later that night after the dishes were long cleaned she yelled at me because she can't stand any little rice grain touching dish water. I know she didn't have ocd because she's a complete slob and shell tell you she doesn't have ocd but it didn't stop her from yelling her lungs from her chest. Its always been this way with me. Its so bad that one girl once said, I guess she'd been observing me for awhile that she didn't understand why I get yelled at for nothing and even if I repeat the actions of someone else I get the worst outcome. Point is I don't know why but I know your not lying about some people for no obvious reason getting that sort of treatment. I'd hate to know what would happen if I truly did anything bad lol.
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Old 02-12-2014, 03:33 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I have just discovered this website, and this forum, through a Google search. I'm glad that I'm not alone, in a way. I'm not the only person in the world with this problem. However, I'm not happy about the fact that others are also experiencing this type of thing. I suffer a lot whenever this happens to me, so I feel bad that others have suffered, and are still suffering.

I've never been truly happy, except for brief periods of my life, because of this problem. And, like smartpeoplethink22, I would like to know WHY some people can make a GAZILLION mistakes, and NEVER get yelled at, while others, like me, make one little mistake, and it gets turned into a Federal case. I have not yet found the answer to this.

My problem started way back -- in fourth grade, in fact. I was bullied by this kid named Tony. He used to throw pebbles at me, or come over to me and punch me on the arm. When I would the same back to him, he'd go running to the teacher, and the teacher would ALWAYS take his side. Then I would be sent to the principal's office, where the stupid principal once told me some stupid thing like, "You should smile more. Look at yourself in the mirror. You never smile." How the hell could I smile, when I was constantly being bullied, and the teacher was never on my side?

It's been like this my whole life.....In my first marriage, my husband was verbally and emotionally abusive to me, and came close to actually hitting me on two separate occasions. Nothing I ever did was right. He couldn't hold down a job, so I was the one who supported us, most of the time. I even supported a nephew of his who lived with us for SIX years, as well as a niece who lived with us for about two years. I finally was able to divorce him, but I don't what the F--- I ever saw in him in the first place.

Now I'm married for the second time, and today, TWO days away from Valentine's Day, my second husband SCREAMED at me, while we were going to the supermarket, just because I commented that he had taken a different route today, and we were running into traffic. Granted, he has a bad back, and he was in pain. He's on disability, too. But still, I think he overreacted. And the bad thing is, I was recently laid off from work, and I wanted to go do the grocery shopping with him, just to be with him. Well, he said that I was slowing him down, that he usually gets done much faster when he's by himself, because he needs to lie down in the afternoons, due the terrible pain in his back. So he told me that, from now on, he'll go do the grocery shopping by himself, as he was doing before I got laid off. (This was the third time I went with him.)

Now he's ruined my entire day.....I'm feeling miserable, and not talking to him.

The job I just got laid off from, it was the same story. I got yelled at there, too. AND I was also yelled at, as well as heavily criticized, in the FIVE previous jobs i was at.

Maybe it would have been better if I had never been born. That way, people wouldn't get so annoyed at me, and tell me, like my husband did today, that I was causing them aggravation. In fact, he even said I was going to give him a heart attack.

If I'm such an obstacle to people, then maybe I shouldn't exist at all. What the heck, what's the use of my being in the world, if people continually tell me that I'm aggravating them, or am committing such HORRIBLE mistakes? I think that meybe things will improve, but they don't. I'm not happy. I've never been happy.

My mother too, used to scream at me a lot. She would criticize me a lot, too. She didn't like my friends, the way I dressed, the mess in my room, what I was planning to study in college, my first boyfriend (she was right about him -- he was my first husband), the fact that I was "not a practical, realistic person", and on and on and on and on and on.....

I don't want to commit suicide, because that's wrong. Only God can decide how long a person lives, and when a person dies. But I wish He would just take me out of this world already..... I don't want to go on living like this. I want to be completely FREE from yelling and criticism. I am not free. I am not happy. Maybe one of these nights I'll just go to sleep, and never wake up. Then I won't be an obstacle to other people anymore. Then I won't be giving people near heart attacks anymore. Then I just won't BOTHER people anymore.
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