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Old 05-01-2010, 09:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Generalized Distrust

I feel like my SA is different than other peoples'. It is a generalized distrust because of compiled negative experiences with people & from being naturally shy and sensitive. I've had craziness and betrayals in my life, from intimate relationships to aquaintences to complete strangers. My nerves act up, I feel constantly tense and nervous around everyone for the exception of my husband and children and one girl friend.

I don't care what people think, people are freaking crazy sometimes! I sometimes feel like I'm in a jungle and a predator is lurking around the corner. My fight-or-flight or freeze response is kicked in gear. I'm trying techniques to learn to relax and it's getting a little better, but then it comes and goes.

Does any one else relate?
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Old 05-01-2010, 10:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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While I haven't gone through as bad experiences as you have probably been through I feel similar to you. There are only a select group of people who i'll let into my life. The medication I'm taking now has helped me feel less worried about others turning on me, but I still feel uneasy getting to know people who I label as "dangerous" ie. people who are very sociable and seem to act fake.
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Old 05-01-2010, 10:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Yes, absolutely! I've had some betrayals. Latest one was a best friend of over ten years suddenly metamorphosizing into some kind of evil redneck stereotype. Why are you underlining metamorphosizing, you dumb forum, it is so a real word!
Getting past this is rough.

What helps is remembering those past betrayals, not ruminating on them endlessly but just enough to tell yourself that if it happens again, you will see the warning signs and protect yourself ahead of time. And meanwhile, if there are no signs - relax!

Easy to say. Some days I still get a little shock that the people I like haven't stabbed me in the back yet.
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Old 05-01-2010, 12:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Yes, I relate. I've been conditioned not to trust people and assume the worst about them. Most of my assumptions have been correct though. When your negative beliefs are further reinforced by real experiences, it solidifies that particular worldview and makes it almost impossible to break free from. I've tried CBT before to change my thought patterns but it hasn't helped much. I'm afraid I'm stuck in this mindset, and worse yet I'm not entirely sure if it's an accurate reflection of reality or my own bias.
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Old 05-02-2010, 02:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Yeah I can relate to this. Although I've always been shy and quiet, a lifetime of rejection, betrayal, people treating me like my feelings dont matter, and just generally being taken for a joke have left me hating people and i find it very difficult to trust anyone.
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Old 05-03-2010, 07:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I don't have self-pity, but some of these things have made me have a wall up, and at the worst, paranoid:

~ Physical child abuse and alcoholism growing up.
~Abusive boyfriends in my 20's.
~Rejection in a private Catholic high school (because I wasn't religious, I was different).
~ A friend of mine betrayed/ turned her back on me (quite a few years ago).

Recently in the last few years:

~My husband had an emotional affair with his ex-wife, I don't know what to call it, but he was running over there doing things for her all the time. And that's the least of it. It's taken a few years, but I've gradually learned trust and love with him.

~My uncle took advantage of my grandmother, she lost her home. Then the caregiver who was supposed to take care of her, took care of her by trying to turn my grandma against me, then tried to turn other family members against me, and in a nutshell, took anything else she had when she died-- including possessions and family heirlooms. I do have some of her paintings. I was close to my grandmother, had taken care of her for 2 years, so this was devastating. I felt betrayed and guilty for not being able to stop it. I couldn't include everything that happened--very, very long story.

~Two now ex-friends of ours did seperate betrayals:

1). One committed identity theft, grand larceny charges against him for charging up thousands of dollars on 3 credit cards. It took many hours on the phone with banks and credit card companies, declaring fraud, took a lot of time and work to sort it out.
2.) The other my husband invested in a restaurant chain with him as an investor, and he really let us down by going against some of things we signed for. We are now doing a settlement and dispositon with the company.

It felt good to write this to you all for some reason.
I should write a personal blog.
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