I believe in the healing power of laughter. So here are some jokes I know everyone will laugh at. ENJOY!
One night three men hail a taxi after coming out of a night bar excessively drunk. The driver, seeing they’re wasted, decides to pull a fast one on them. After they all get in his cab, He pulls forward a couple feet, stops, and says, “Okay fellas, we’re here.” The first man pays the fair, and the second shakes the drivers hand and says “Thanks”. But the third man slaps the driver in the face. “What was that for?” the driver asked, afraid he had been caught. The third man replied, “That was for driving so fast!”
A woman goes to her Catholic Priest one day concerned about her two pet parrots. “Father, I have a problem.” She says. “Whenever my pet parrots speak, they only ever say ‘Hey cutie, wanna have some fun?’ I don’t know what to do.” “Don’t worry my child,” replies the priest. “I myself have two male parrots who always pray and read their bible. I think they can turn your parrots around.” So the next day, the woman brings her parrots over to her priest’s house and both her birds are placed in the priest’s bird cage. Upon seeing the two male parrots, the woman’s parrots say, “Hey cutie, wanna have some fun” At hearing this, the priest’s parrots look at each other and say, “Hallelujah, our prayers have been answered.”
One morning, a man is sitting in his recliner, reading his morning paper, just minding his own business. When all of a sudden his wife walks up behind and hits him over the head with a frying pan. “OUCH! Why’d you hit me?” he asked. “I was just doing the laundry,” his wife said, “and I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name ‘Mary Lou’ on it. WHO IS MARY LOU?!” “Honey calm down,” the man said. “Mary Lou is the name of a race horse I bet on yesterday down at the racetrack. At hearing this, his wife feels bad and says, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” The next morning, the man is again following his morning procedures when his wife walks up behind him again with a larger frying pan than before and bashes him in the head with all her might, knocking him out. When he comes to, he looked at her and asked, “Why’d you hit me again?” His wife looked at him and replied, “Your Horse Called.”
One night, in the middle of the night, a woman wakes up and finds her husband is not in bed. Concerned, she gets up and searches for him in their house, finding him in the kitchen. She sees him sitting at their table with a cup of coffee just staring blankly out the kitchen window. “Honey, are you okay?” she asked. “Do you remember our first date?” her husband asks. Confused, she replies, “Yes.” “What happened that night?” he asked. “Well, we made love in your car.” “What else?” he goaded. “Well… my father found us.” “And what did he do?” he continued goading. “He said that either you married me, or he would send you to jail for twenty years. But honey I don’t understand, what does any of this have to do with anything?” his wife asked. Her husband looked at her and replied, “I would have gotten out today.”
A man was walking across the desert one day when he came to a small town. In the town he saw a stand where a man was offering horse free rides. Intrigued, the man went over to the stand. “I see you would like to ride my fine horse here,” the horse man said. “Well, I wouldn’t mind” the man said. “Okay, well just so you know, this horse is blind and does not respond to common commands,” the horse man said. “To get it to go, you must say ‘Thank God’. And to get it to stop, you must say ‘Amen’. Understand?” The man climbed on the horse and said “Giddy Up!”, but the hose stood still. The he listened to what the horse man had said. “Thank God,” he said. The Horse began to walk. “Thank God!” he said again. Then the horse began to trot. “THANK GOD” the man shouted. The horse then took off at a full gallop. The man loved this. This horse was fast. But then, the man saw a cliff edge straight ahead, and getting closer fast. “WHOA!” he shouted. Nothing happened. The horse continued his gallop.” WHOA I SAY!” Still the horse made no change in speed. Then the man remembered the command. “AMEN!” The horse slid to a stop right at the top of the cliff. “At seeing they were still alive, the man said aloud, “WHEW! Thank God!”
ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THESE FUNNY JOKES!