frustrated that i still live at home with parents and siblings - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 07:20 AM Thread Starter
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frustrated that i still live at home with parents and siblings

this has been bugging the crap out of me lately. I think its in the genes to go crazy after the age of 24 if you still live at home with parents and younger siblings. I feel so tied down. i come from a traditional asian family. they expect me to take care of them forever or something. but i'm extremely independent. Why the hell do I want to move out?

1. i won't miss their food, cause they cook unhealthy chinese food and they also buy 10 packages of cookies at a time. I already have gastrointestinal problems that may proliferate into something different, so I need to control my binge eating disorder, i.e emotional eating disorder. i can eat up an excess of 1000 calories at a time. i feel disgusting afterwards. if i lived on my own, i wouldn't be surrounded by all this crappy bad food.

2. They expect me, as the "oldest" in the family, to do EVERYTHING FOR THEM. they're getting older, and they need me to open their door for them, translate things into chinese for them, answer the door for them. My other sisters scathe by with literally no expectations of them whatsoever. Don't ask them to translate, do this or that. don't even bother to ask them cause they can just ask me, right?!.

My parents feel as though i'm the golden child who must obey them and do everything they want from me.

i.e marry a chinese boy
i.e live with them instead of shipping them off to an old folks' home.

As I last recall, they had no expectations of my younger sisters to marry a certain person and to live with them forever and ever. They had no expectations of my sister to go to a CERTAIN university, highschool, junior high-which my parents had inadvertantly pushed me to into!

3. I hate my younger sisters. they are the rudest, most condescending idiots i've EVER met. My sisters make fun of me for everything-"why are you wearing that horrendous shirt?" "brush your hair!" "don't take that job, it's not suitable for you", "eww, you look disgusting", "why are you eating those foods?" it goes on and on and on. They are 20 and 18 respectively, by the way. You would expect them to grow up at this point.

This is a typical conversation between my mother and my sisters. My mother "have you eaten dinner yet?" my sisters: "shut up, don't talk to me." "don't be home late" My sisters "screw you".

I just need autonomy and freedom. That's all I ask for.

but here's the worst part: i THINK i may be the last to move out. why? well, the youngest one is away from home because she attends university. my other sister DOES NOT have any student loans to pay back cause dear old parents paid for hers, but not mine obviously. It will be another year before I can think of practically moving out.

Right now, I only have 3 thousand dollars in my bank account. Also, I will be 25,000 in debt by December, and I am still jobless. Hell its kinda hard to find a job when you health problems (i have to uriante every 20 min), and I have social anxiety(which has made me quit many many jobs before.)

Both of my sisters have more money in their bank account than I do at this point.

If my sister moves out before I do, I will be the only one left with my parents. Not only is this embarassing, but my parents will become sort of "emotionally attached" and even more "clingy" towards me.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 10:23 AM
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I know what you mean. My parents are also stubbornly traditional chinese, and I've had to walk that line between personal happiness and obeying my parents. I'm only 21 but I told my parents I'm gonna move out in a couple years, which they threw a huge fit about. Just know that it's your life and they can't control you. Don't feel bad about it. I still love and respect my parents, but living with them until I'm 30 is just something they can't ask me to do.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 10:32 AM
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i'm 33 and still live with my parents. so there.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 10:48 AM
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 10:53 AM
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I still live at home, but I make the payments now. My father passed away 2 1/2 years ago. And Basketball, you think that $780 is bad, try paying a mortgage! The majority of your payments early on is nothing but pure interest. Only as time goes by, do you actually start paying for the house!

You are a success story waiting to happen!
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 11:22 AM
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I'm 24, the oldest sibling, and still living at home too. I feel your pain . My parents place more expectations on me too, i.e. where I should go to school, what I should study, how I should spend my life basically... and I have the spoiled younger siblings that do whatever they want. I think it's unfair, but it won't change unless you change. I think it's important to have boundaries, and to learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. They're your parents, so you probably want to take care of them and do things for them to a certain degree, but it's not reasonable to expect you to be their sole caregiver for the rest of their lives. You have a right to be independent and happy with your life. You sound frustrated because you feel you have to live up to all these things that your parents prescribe, but you don't. Keep working towards independence and don't feel bad about doing it!
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 12:14 PM
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I can't wait to move out. It's bad, because i felt like an adult for years. It seems that instead of becoming a teenager at the age of 13, i just leaped straight into adulthood, and that makes me feel kind of trapped at where i'm now. Hopefully, i will move out when i turn 18. Who knows, it may even help my social anxiety by forcing me out of my comfort zone a bit. But that's just pure speculation.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-19-2009, 01:24 PM
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I'm 28 and i still live with my parents. People tell me how envious they are because i have no bills and stuff to pay but in truth i feel a loser. I may sound an ungrateful b#stard but my parents drive me crazy at times, especially now i'm unemployed and at home all day.
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