Friends running into friends: standing there like an ignored loser - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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Friends running into friends: standing there like an ignored loser

My friend is Mr. Popular, has 600 friends on Facebook. Whenever we go out, we ALWAYS run into his friends. We live in a city of 3 million for god's sake.

Anyways, yesterday he said I was weird or rude for walking away, while he and his friend chatted.

I can't believe I'm expected to stand there while being ignored and while they chat.

Was I rude for walking away? Or was he rude for not saying "I'll talk to you later. I'm with my buddy"

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 12:49 PM
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I've been in a similar situation many a time. It can be very discomforting.

It might be worth mentioning this to your friend (the fact that he doesn't introduce you to the friends he meets while in your company). If your friend is very popular and has lots of acquaintances, It wouldn't do any harm him reaching out and giving you some sort of platform to help form your own networks. Also, try interjecting during their discussions, laughing at jokes or even introducing yourself.

Apologise for walking away and explain your frustrations. Hopefully, he'll see how the situation appeared from your perspective.

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Than ever feel whole again....
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 12:53 PM
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definitely rude of him for ignoring you. but, if you don't mind me asking, why did you walk away? you maybe could have stood there for a little, you shouldn't really be expected to say anything cause it's not like you know this other person.

"it's like she dun woke up mad like her husband had bought her the wrong cereal..."

i'm going to punch you in the baby maker.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 01:16 PM
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I think you're probably both at fault. You should'nt of walked away and he should've introduced you or at least realized that you two had somewhere to go so he should've kept the convo to a minimum if that was the case.

In future encounters like that, if they're talking about something that isn't too personal, then I think it would be ok if you jumped into the conversation whenever the opportunity arose. That way you won't feel so much like a third wheel and they will realize that you are there.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 01:23 PM
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lol that happens when i do something with one of my best friends
He is fairly popular, and allways when we walk somewhere i have to stand and wait every 10 seconds, because he meets different people all the time

whereas, i just stand next to him, until the conversations/greetings are over, and try to pretend i didnt see what just happened.
I mean i can do that once or twice, but after that it just gets too obvious that he is a popular guy with many connections, and im just a unknown loser that has to stand at the side
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 01:26 PM
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I've done similar things. I can't just stand there silently while others are talking in a way that excludes me. I start to feel like I don't belong and I'm intruding on a private conversation, so I move away. I do think it's rude to ignore the person you're out with for long periods of time. I don't know if it's rude to wander off. I know that in the situation I feel kind of like it's rude to hang around and listen.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 06:21 PM
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Originally Posted by carambola View Post
I start to feel like I don't belong and I'm intruding on a private conversation
that's exactly what i feel when strangers are around me. i don't want to sit in silence and come off like i'm not interested. at the same time, though, i really don't want to butt in to the conversation if it doesn't concern me. damned if you do; damned if you don't...

"I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you."
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 06:44 PM
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I hate it when that happens when I'm hanging with this one friend. I swear it's like everytime we go out to the mall or something, she always runs into someone she knows and gets into a conversation with them. It's really awkward to just stand there and she doesn't even introduce me to the person. If the conversation lasts more than a few minutes, I will walk away. It seems rude, but hey, I'm not even part of their conversation and wouldn't it be rude to just join in? Maybe it depends on some people, but I think it's more rude to interrupt a conversation than walking away. And it's kind of wasting your time too just standing there and having that awkward feeling the whole time.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 06:50 PM
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Nothing good comes of worlds clashing together... That's just an all-around ****ty situation.

Best defense for this, I think, would be excusing yourself to make a phone call or to grab a coffee nearby... Something that gets you away from them that doesn't rub them the wrong way. Then your friend can rejoin you after they're done chatting.

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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 07:57 PM
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The problem is his, not yours. Whenever I am with a friend and another friend turns up, I make an effort immediately to introduce the two, or if they already know each other, try to bring the other person into the conversation, i.e. X and I just went to a movie and now we're going shopping etc, continue to make eye contact with my first friend, it's not rocket science. Anyone would feel awkward if they were just standing there like a potted plant.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-08-2010, 08:08 AM
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i wouldnt have walked away although i wouldnt have loved standing there
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 04-08-2010, 08:16 AM
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This has happened to me quite a lot, since I moved to a new area where I knew no one except for one or two friends. I usually try to find something to contribute to the conversation but more often than not, they're talking about some past experience they shared or some plan they have in the future that I have no knowledge about. That makes me feel like I'm intruding on a private conversation, although I know if it were truly private they wouldn't discuss it in front of me. So I end up standing there twiddling my thumbs like a fool and generally come off as some weird quiet guy. I used to be able to get away with "I'm new around here" but after 2 and 1/2 years it's a bit old.
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