Surrounded by Sadness
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Milwaukee, WI (BDSM sadist, Libertarian)
Free Housing -- would you take it?
Let me first tell you about this offer.
The housing is a $331,000 2,800 sq ft colonial built in 1991. Absolute privacy on heavily wooded 1.23 acre lot in good neighborhood. You get your own bedroom -- with walk in closet, and right next door is your own personal bath! I will not be using them as I have the master suite.
Utilities are included. You will have to pay for food, unless you eat like a bird such that I can't detect it. I will pay for the cable, WiFi, gas, electricity, salt for softener, snow removal, lawn care, and all maintenance. I will also provide home furnishings. Hope a 55" OLED TV is good enough for you.
BTW, your bedroom comes with a ceiling fan & fresh paint & brand new carpet.
Your skin will even stay soft in winter as I spent a pile of cash on a central humidifier. And you will get to enjoy the best damn water around, having gone thorough my new iron filter, softener, and water heater. Central Air is included (new as of next week). You will have to accept that I, as Lord of the Manor, have exclusive control of temperature & humidity though. Didn't expect everything, did you?
If you move in with me you will then share my address, which will allow you to receive Flagship Service from Vanguard, such that your most modest $1,000 retirement plan will get the same treatment as normally reserved for those with $1M-$5M.
One woman from SAS wanted to move in with me as soon as I got a home. She changed her mind, later wanting to buy a suicide gun from me.
My best friend asked to move in June 6 last year, when I came over to her home immediately after writing an offer on this place. Her stuff has moved in, but she still hasn't.
OK, now how many of you think I'm offing one hell of stunningly good deal?
BTW, I decide what to watch on TV in the living room, though you are free to use my DVR for viewing of your shows at any time you want. I'll even let use use the Lord's whirlpool tub if you ask first.
DEA agents, being on par with Nazi war criminals, should be executed for crimes against humanity. They are guilty of inflicting mass suffering upon legitimate patients.