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Old 05-15-2011, 03:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Felt obligated to attend church

Today my dad was given the honor of doing the sermon. He's been in the chuch for about 25 years, and the minister was in the hospital, and the assistant minister was already scheduled to attend another church, so my dad was the only one left. It's been awhile since I've been there -- probably like a year or so. I don't believe in the higher power all that much, so if I have to label I guess I'd be considered somewhat "agnostic". My dad asked me if I would come to support him, and I knew it would mean a lot to him if I came, so I did.

Anyway, it was hell. He kind of put me on the spot by giving recognition that I was in the audience, and people turned around and looked at me. grrrr. My 13 year old cousin stayed the night on Saturday and was at church with us. I get really anxious around that age group like I'm not sure what to say to them. She kept staring at me the whole time. I bit down on a peppermint, and every time she heard it crackle she looked straight over and that lead on attention from others in the church.

My mom, cousin, and I sat in one of the middle pews, and I just felt people staring at me from behind. I couldn't sit still. I'm sure people behind me were saying in their mind, "wtf is wrong w/ her!?!"

After church (time of social interaction) I said nothing, unless someone came up to me. The kids around my age (21 +) didn't say anything to me and maybe they expected that I would speak with them, but I just proved again that I'm still a baby, and haven't matured. Even the guys I used to date (kiddy dating lol) back when we were kids I know that was looooong ago, but I get so anxious by looking at them. Makes things so much harder for me. Gawd, I hope I don't have to go back to that place again.

I'm sure I came off as conceited, but I'm not. Only if people knew how hard this is for me :-(
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Old 05-15-2011, 06:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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If I may derail the topic a bit, I want to ask why so many people our age who have grown up in the church stop believing and/or stop going to church... I feel like I am a rare exception as I have been going to the same church all my life and have kept my beliefs, though they have changed/matured a bit as I've grown up.

Back on topic, I'm sorry you had a bad experience at church. Church is supposed to be a place where everyone feels welcome and safe no matter who they are or where they come from.
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Old 05-15-2011, 06:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by supersoshychick View Post
T

I'm sure I came off as conceited, but I'm not. Only if people knew how hard this is for me :-(
Good for you on supporting your dad, despite your SA, & despite your beliefs. I know it's not easy, but you did the right, and loving thing.
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Old 05-15-2011, 07:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmoop View Post
If I may derail the topic a bit, I want to ask why so many people our age who have grown up in the church stop believing and/or stop going to church... I feel like I am a rare exception as I have been going to the same church all my life and have kept my beliefs, though they have changed/matured a bit as I've grown up.

Well I haven't stop believing completely...I kind of just don't have faith in "Him". I feel like i'm believing in an imaginary friend that has never exist, and people are crazy to believe in such. Then again, I feel like I HAVE to believe in this superficial "man" to go to so called, "heaven". Religion is still a confusing thing for me.
I stop going to church because I wasn't comfortable in my church, and I never understood the things they were talking about. Also, I was bullied by other kids there.
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