Feeling like I don't fit in/I'm not "like other girls" - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Feeling like I don't fit in/I'm not "like other girls"

this isn't exactly related to my social anxiety but it kind of affects it in a way, but really i just need to vent.

"i'm not like other girls" sounds like something some teenage girl who think there special would say, and while i am a teenage girl i know i'm not special. there's probably a lot of girls like me i'm just sort of a minority. i don't wear makeup ever, i don't like shopping, or trendy fashion, i don't like to talk about boys(whether i like them at all is..questionable), and i just kind of feel like i stick out. i just do, wear, and talk about things i like. just like i assume other girls do, they just happen to fit into the stereotype of what a girl is 'suppose' to be. i've considered trying to be more girly but, it's just not me. and it makes me mad when other girls comment on it. i know a lot of girls get pissed off when people say they shouldn't wear so much make-up and it should work the other way around too. also going back to the 'i'm not special' thing. i see other girls my age that seem to be like me, but they usually have an outgoing personality so it doesn't matter what they look like, they can express who they are with words. and i'm just a socially awkward mess. i don't know, i'm kind of rambling my thoughts here. anyone else feel something similar? or just feel like they stick out or don't fit in?

sorry for spelling errors. i'm tired and also i don't care.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:09 PM
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i feel similarly. my appearance is nothing close to that of either the teenagers or young women around me, certainly far from the stereotypical girl. I've never felt like i belonged in that culture, and despite my efforts to fit in over the years, the fact remains that i am still in the minority here... i actually made an effort to look different at one point, since i stood out so much on my own it seemed better to own it. currently growing my hair back out though, with it having been as short as it was, i think that was too noticeable. Uniqueness is very important to me, but sameness is like social armor. If i can ever master ordinary i think i'll cut it off again.

welcome to the forums, by the way. you seem like an interesting person.

Last edited by She and Her Darkness; 04-17-2017 at 09:12 PM. Reason: added some more thoughts
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:09 PM
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You're you, everyone is unique. I'm sure you can find people with similar interests and are introverted. I really don't fit in either....I always stick out.....its bad but its whatever. I've accepted my awkwardness.

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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:21 PM
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You should be glad that you arent like other people. While friendships and socialization are some of the most important aspects of life(unless you are very introverted), its good to not go along with the crowd. Everyone tries to fit in and be like the others, the girls wear fashion clothes and make up and stare at their phones all day long and the guys all get tatoos and go around being arrogant so they can be cool. Its all just so boring. I would love to have friends and somewhat of a social life. But i never want to be like a robot like everyone else. I dont know maybe i just think im a special snowflake lol.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 10:40 PM
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I'm actually trying to become less girly.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 11:11 PM
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I get what you're saying but all women are different. There are groups of women who like those stereotypical things and like you said there is a group of women just like you. Both of them have just as much right to call themselves women, as the only requirement is that as long as you feel like a woman, you are. I would try not worry so much about "being a girl" because you are one (at least if you feel that way, I don't want to assume). You don't have to worry about being anything but yourself. And if other girls pick on you? Screw them.

I can definitely relate to the idea of not fitting in with certain groups of women and not fitting into the mold of a stereotypical woman, but it doesn't bother me. I've never been interested in fitting in, and would much rather stand out and defy the role of whatever people expect me to be.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 01:43 AM
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3d3n View Post
i don't know, i'm kind of rambling my thoughts here. anyone else feel something similar? or just feel like they stick out or don't fit in?

I felt pretty similarly when I was in high school. Honestly, though, there is so much variety in life; and the main reason high school feels as homogeneous as it does is because there are so many self-conscious social protocols specifically designed for that purpose. For the most part, one's teenage years are some of the most insecure--it's when that culture of "finding yourself" and making that matter takes shape, and in a big way. The irony is, however, that what we do find often isn't ourselves at all--but a distant reflection in other people and who we think they think we ought to be. Enter cliques and ridiculous stereotypes stage right.

All of this rambling is to say: What you're feeling isn't abnormal. In fact, it's probably more common than you realize--even among those who seem, from the outside, to be seamlessly performing these roles and finding their niches.

I know it feels isolating sometimes, but try not to sweat it too much. Find yourself, whatever that means to you, and cherish her--whoever she is. Because she deserves it. The rest will fall into place if it needs to.
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 02:00 PM
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I can't relate to most girls either...unless they're in their 40s or older. Most of my closest colleagues have been guys. But, I've had some problems with them here because some of them have perceived 'friendship/being nice' to as a one-way ticket to free sex. The concept of make-up is also highly pushed down your throat in American society as well....

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 07:24 PM
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All i have to say is i dont like girls who wear too much make up. I like girls who are naturally beautiful.
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 09:17 PM
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People have called me a tomboy before plenty of times but honestly I've never felt like a tomboy. I look pretty girly. It's just that most of my interests/hobbies are guy-ish, I guess. But I can't for the life of me make a female friend! It's so hard, I swear :/
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:51 PM
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Sounds a lot like my sister. She's in high school and doesn't wear makeup or have interest in boys, hates shopping,. She's got a blunt personality but is confident about being "different." I used to be kind of like that except insecure with bad self esteem. Now that I think back on it, fitting in isn't really all that it's hyped up to be. Being different/independent can be kind of fun, depending how you look at it.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 09:37 PM
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I never even thought about this much since there was no group of girls I hung out with. I was isolated and in my own little world from age 13-17. Even when I went to community college age 18-20....didn't really have anyone to compare myself to. I think I lack the sweetness and caring persona (whether fake or not) that lots of women seem to have.

I like makeup and jewelry. Fashion...not really. Clothes shopping is a lesson in frustration. Female sexuality or what I've read on SAS I find a little odd ("I can only have sex with a man who cares about me.....[flutters eyelashes]"). Or maybe the women on SAS are different from the norm. Male sexuality is pretty odd also.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 08:32 AM
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People have called me a tomboy before plenty of times but honestly I've never felt like a tomboy. I look pretty girly. It's just that most of my interests/hobbies are guy-ish, I guess. But I can't for the life of me make a female friend! It's so hard, I swear :/
Lucky.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 08:38 AM
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I get what you're saying but all women are different. There are groups of women who like those stereotypical things and like you said there is a group of women just like you. Both of them have just as much right to call themselves women, as the only requirement is that as long as you feel like a woman, you are.

I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 06:57 PM
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I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.
I really don't want to get into a sociopolitical argument with you but I meant gender wise, not biological sex obviously. I don't think you have to be female bodied to be considered a woman in the social sense, thats what I meant. I hope I made it clear if you were just confused. But if you have a different stand point on this matter and just want to pick a fight then nope. bye.
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 07:19 PM
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I really don't want to get into a sociopolitical argument with you but I meant gender wise, not biological sex obviously. I don't think you have to be female bodied to be considered a woman in the social sense, thats what I meant. I hope I made it clear if you were just confused. But if you have a different stand point on this matter and just want to pick a fight then nope. bye.
not picking a fight, just poking a bit of fun at the fact you didn't specify 'biological gender'

i don't want to get into such an argument either, though, no offense was intended.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 12:11 AM
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I'm male but I can relate to this because I grew up feeling like I wasn't like other boys. All I can say is use the fact that youre different as a catalyst for self discovery.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 03:39 AM
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same here

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