Feeling horrible and pathetic - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Frustration

Reply
Old 07-24-2010, 11:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
FlickeringHope's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: U.S.
Gender: Female
Posts: 46



Default Feeling horrible and pathetic

As I begin to write this, my face is scrunched up and tears are falling down my face....

I hate this. I hate everything. I feel like I'm NOTHING. The only friends in real life I have are from the past...if that makes sense. We rarely see each other and I don't even feel they really know me. Because if they did, they'd probably never even talk to me at all. Contact with these people are rare.

I've just graduated college. I feel I have absolutely no skills whatsoever. I wasted away so much time. All it was was a distraction from what I'd have to face.

Why can't I figure out what I want? Why do I have so much trouble connecting with people? Why can't I just go out and have fun? Be carefree and content with myself and comfortable around others?

Why are there no support/self-help groups here for this problem? Why do there seem to be no opportunities to get better? How can I get better when I have nobody to even go out with? I can't even meet friends through a friend because I don't really have any real friends where I live. And I've been here for 4 years. I lost all the friends I made the first year (though how close I was to them to begin with is debatable) through stupid issues and my tendency to push people away when I think they've rejected me.

I feel so, so, so, so, so pathetic now. I'm just so boring. I never have anything to talk about, because I never do anything. The only time I get out is for a walk. At least I'm doing that. But still.....that's time to myself. I pass people, but that doesn't really count.

I don't meet people through work, because it's not an interactive job. I'm behind a computer the whole time. And I don't really go to the break room....the times I do go in, I just sit by myself because I don't really know anyone. And how can you get to know new people when you only get 5-10 min breaks anyway?

I'm just very isolated. The only people I really have in real life are my immediate family....but none of them live here. And even if they did, that's no substitute for real friends. Friends you can laugh with, hang out with, chat about things with, hold secrets with....

I just hate this. And I hate myself even more for it. I feel useless and worthless. The friends I thought I have connected with usually just end up moving on without me. I'm like a stepping stone for other people's lives. That is all.

Is this how it's always going to be? I had trouble making (and keeping friends) even as child.

I am so TERRRIFIED of the future. I don't feel I have any capabilities at all. How am I going to get a proper job? I seriously lack references.

I've avoided these issues for all my life....and it's catching up with me, hitting me like a ton of bricks again. Tonight I started looking up "opportunities" that are out there....and I just started freaking out....thinking....'I'm not good enough, I have no skills, I'm not outgoing....how in the heck am I to get a job anywhere?'

I feel like the biggest loser ever. Is there any way out? I'm starting to feel the hopelessness I've felt before, and I don't want to sink any deeper.

I can't live life like this forever. But I don't know how to progress, how to climb out of this deep, deep hole I've kept digging for myself all these years.

Is this pointless? Probably. I don't expect anyone to have any answers for me..because are there any answers? I don't know what I want. So how do I know what direction to take?

I just had to share this. Anonymously, I guess. I have internet friends, but they can only do so much. I'm sick of laying all my crap on people who don't deserve to hear it. You guys don't deserve to hear it either. I'll probably feel bad for posting it.

I don't blame anyone for not reading it either, though. It's a horrible, negative post.

I just want to.............oh, nevermind. :'(

(Thanks for listening, if anyone reads this.)
__________________
"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise."

----Oscar Wilde
FlickeringHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 12:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
lonelyjew's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Mehoff
Posts: 5,364



Default

I read the whole post, I'm sorry life is getting you down. Unfortunately, in so far as I've learned, there is no easy solution to this ****. I was pretty isolated even though I was in classes with lots of people, forcing interaction helps though. That isn't really a solution either, I mean I am more able to be around people now, but it doesn't stop all of the bad feelings and insecurities from coming back. It feels good to vent though right? At least we aren't the only ones out there dealing with this ****. I think you already understand it doesn't have to be like this, but I just wish it was easier to change it.
lonelyjew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 12:09 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Sunshine009's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,836



Default

I'm really sorry are feeling so terrible! Do you live in an isolated area?

http://www.lowselfhelpsystems.org/index.asp
They might have a group in your area. This isn't a whining group but they teach you standard psychology and behavioral skills but it is relaxed and no one ever forces you to participate ever. You can sit there and watch. And it is free. If you want to give a dollar for a donation when a basket comes around that is okay, if not, that is okay.
Sunshine009 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 12:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Permanent Ban
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: City of Angels
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,692



Default

It was a good post. If you think feeling like crap is bad try not feeling anything. That's right, my problems are worse and I win.
LALoner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 05:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
mcmuffinme's Avatar
 
Status: Malaise Worker
Join Date: Mar 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,678



Default

Well, if you haven't sought out therapy/medications I'd suggest it. What have you to lose? What I do to feel social while not being social is going to Barnes N' Noble and reading. You're around people, and you're out of the house being productive. If nothing else you're broadening yourself as an individual by reading and learning and this also gives you something to talk about as well.

I find it can make me feel proud and reasonably happy with my life, and if you're perhaps feeling particularly confident one day or see a pretty face you can work up the courage to just say hi

I'm sorry you're feeling like crap, and you don't have to feel bad for posting this negative post- I think most of us have done it. I know I have more than once.

I'm also trying online dating, and I haven't found success, but...I'm trying. Just keep trying is all I can really tell you, because if I knew the answers to SA related questions I wouldn't be here, but I empathize and wish well for you<3
mcmuffinme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 05:33 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
Haiku McEwan's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 142



Default

I wish I had some answer that would solve all your problems but I suffer from that same sense of isolation and inferiority and have so for many years. All I can do is reassure you that you are not alone and that many of us go through the same struggles. I too felt that I was boring and had nothing to talk about but I realised that I was basing that on the fact that I couldn’t relate to what other people near me in college were talking about. Everybody has their own particular interests and hobbies and they can be subjects of conversation no matter how mundane you think they are such as what you saw or were thinking about when you were on your walk. But I also always have had trouble making friends and now only rely on my immediate family so I’m in no situation to offer advice. You must have some skills to have graduated from college and you don’t have to be outgoing to have a job. Not everyone is outgoing so I’m sure employers take this into account. I also torment myself by thinking about the future but its best to block out the future and live only day by day. I know by experience that this is an almost impossible task but it’s a goal I think we should focus on. C.S Lewis said that the happiest moments in this life are when we have forgotten about ourselves but the problem for people like you and me is that we don’t have the intimate relationships with friends that help us forget about ourselves. The nearest we can get to it is by reading, listening to music, being kind to strangers or any act that makes us forget about ourselves. That is the great secret of life and the key to happiness, to die to ourselves is to live. What we want only comes when we stop thinking and fussing about it. There is always room for hope. That something good is only around the corner even if it’s only a cup of your favourite drink or a smile from a stranger. The important thing, as John Lennon sang in one of my favourite songs, is to hold on and keep going, doing the best you can. And some day when you least expect it you may find some happiness and peace for your troubled soul though its hard now to see the sunrise when you’re in the middle of the night.
I don’t know if this helps you but I know it helps me when I find myself in the grip of depression and anxiety. I also think about this quote about hope by Joan Chittister:

‘’ Hope is what sits by a window and waits for one more dawn, despite the fact that there isn’t an ounce of proof in tonight’s black, black sky that it can possibly come’’.

I wish you all the best and I hope you overcome the problems you face. Just always remember that you’re not alone in what you face.
Haiku McEwan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 04:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 443



Default

You are not horrible and pathetic. You are smart and obviously determined. Graduating college is a big acheivment and you should feel good about that. It sounds like you are depressed. I have depression too and its like a roller coaster. You just have to press on and continue to do the things u need to do. Walking is definitly good and helps with mood. I think u r putting too much pressure on yourself, wanting to be perfect. Take one step at a time. Living fully with Shyness and Social Anxiety by Erika B. Hilliard is a good book that will help u set and acheive goals to become more social. Cheer up! You have a bright future if u will continue going forward, one step at a time.
Youandwe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 04:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
sarafinanickelbocker's Avatar
 
Status: yawn
Join Date: May 2010
Gender: Female
Age: 34
Posts: 4,619



Default

You're not horrible and pathetic... I don't have a lot to say right now, but hang in there. You can always come here and vent.

__________________
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. - Steve Martin
sarafinanickelbocker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2010, 11:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
FlickeringHope's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: U.S.
Gender: Female
Posts: 46



Default

First off, thank you all so very much for your responses and acknowledging my thread. I wasn't expecting much since this forum is so large and I've not posted much around here. It did feel good just to let that out. It just seems that everything builds and builds and builds and then finally accumulates to such an extent that I start feeling so smothered and buried under a mountain of problems. I feel a little less alone now, though I also hate knowing that so many other people can relate in their own ways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine009 View Post
I'm really sorry are feeling so terrible! Do you live in an isolated area?

http://www.lowselfhelpsystems.org/index.asp
They might have a group in your area. This isn't a whining group but they teach you standard psychology and behavioral skills but it is relaxed and no one ever forces you to participate ever. You can sit there and watch. And it is free. If you want to give a dollar for a donation when a basket comes around that is okay, if not, that is okay.
Thanks for the link...I've never heard of that one before. But unfortunately, there's only one group within a 100 mile radius of me, and that's 77 miles away. :S

I live in a "city" or big town. I'd have thought coming here I'd have more opportunities, but for SA it seems you have to live in a major city or something. There's nothing where I live for it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LALoner View Post
It was a good post. If you think feeling like crap is bad try not feeling anything. That's right, my problems are worse and I win.
Sorry I didn't realize it was a competition for who had it worse. :P I know the feeling, though, and I am sorry you're at that point. I've been there before and am afraid all the time that I could easily get there again. I'm trying not to let myself sink that much....(assuming I can try to prevent it, if possible :S Depression can definitely bring me down fast when an episode occurs.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by joinmartin View Post

You feel like a nothing? I know how that feels. Before the self love exploded within me (and boy was I surprised when that happened), I had a particularly violent self hatred. Very aggressive to me. I still have issues about my looks and seeing myself in photos but the self love is winning. Which is amazing just to write.
May I ask how you came to achieve this? Was it through therapy or something else? I'd love to feel true self-love for myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by joinmartin View Post
And in order to have a picture where you think you are a nothing, you had to filter out and hide positives about yourself. So, where did you put them? Not saying the bad things you think about yourself aren't true because you'd counter that as the belief system sounds quite strong. But there are positives about yourself that you've hidden. So, find them. Get back in touch with them. Balance the picture out and see what you can discover. You may surprise yourself. And wouldn't it be wonderful to discover some positive surprises about yourself?
I know you make an excellent point here...but somehow this just doesn't help me. All I can ever come up with is that I consider myself to be a pretty understanding and compassionate person. But that doesn't exactly get me anywhere. :S I'd love to work with people and help other people improve their lives, but at the same time all these social problems I have keep me from doing it...which sort of makes me feel selfish since I'm so scared of putting myself out there.

I went to a therapist once for a couple of sessions. She gave me an "assignment" to come up with 25 things I liked about myself. I couldn't do it. I ended up not going back. :/


Quote:
Originally Posted by mcmuffinme View Post
Well, if you haven't sought out therapy/medications I'd suggest it. What have you to lose? What I do to feel social while not being social is going to Barnes N' Noble and reading. You're around people, and you're out of the house being productive. If nothing else you're broadening yourself as an individual by reading and learning and this also gives you something to talk about as well.
I went to a couple of therapy sessions. I also visited with the uni's counselor/psychologist person a couple of times. I don't know...*sigh* It just didn't seem very helpful to me (even though I went only a few times) It's like....nothing that resulted felt new. I already know my patterns and what I need to do (I should go out and volunteer...or start a new hobby...or get a more social job or whatever...just to get out there with people). I've been telling myself I'd volunteer for years. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. And I know in the end, it all comes down to me taking action.

As for meds, they kind of scare me. In terms of "social anxiety" I'm not sure they'd help. Because those mainly just help tame physical symptoms, right? Most of my problems are with my thinking....and major avoidance (I think I might have an avoidant personality...and apparently, I read, that's very hard to change?) So, I don't know. Maybe it might help with depression, but that seems to come and go and I'm just reluctant to turn to medication since I don't think it solves everything and comes with side effects.

I do have some therapy tapes I listen to (Dr. Richards)....but that's still all work that has to be done with myself. No one to speak with directly or anything.

I think what would help me most is some shyness/SA group, just to get the practice with actual people....but I haven't found any such groups in existence anywhere near where I live. This depresses me greatly.

Okay....and this may be a VERY STUPID question.....but about Barnes N Nobles and other bookstores.....can you just pick up some of their material and read it there without paying for it and put it back on the shelf afterwards? Or do you have to buy something or bring in your own stuff to read? I feel really dumb for asking, but I've seen others reading there before and have thought about going there to read, but just didn't know. Like I said, don't know if that's the dumbest question ever or not. I'm just not exactly wealthy. I just don't know what's acceptable at the bookstores???? :/

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haiku McEwan View Post
....The important thing, as John Lennon sang in one of my favourite songs, is to hold on and keep going, doing the best you can. And some day when you least expect it you may find some happiness and peace for your troubled soul though its hard now to see the sunrise when you’re in the middle of the night.
I don’t know if this helps you but I know it helps me when I find myself in the grip of depression and anxiety. I also think about this quote about hope by Joan Chittister:

‘’ Hope is what sits by a window and waits for one more dawn, despite the fact that there isn’t an ounce of proof in tonight’s black, black sky that it can possibly come’’.

I wish you all the best and I hope you overcome the problems you face. Just always remember that you’re not alone in what you face.
Thanks for your thought-provoking post and quotes. I do feel a little less alone.


Anyway, thanks again to EVERYONE who posted and gave me some encouragement to keep on going and trying. I appreciate it so very much. I hope we all continue trying to move forward and with success.
__________________
"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise."

----Oscar Wilde
FlickeringHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 05:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
Sunshine009's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,836



Default

Oh yeah, at B & N, you can sit and read for hours there if you want with books and magazines you haven't paid for in big cozy chairs or at the eating area even. Any store where they have chairs welcomes it. Its not a stupid question at all because some stores do not like it, the ones without chairs. In those you can stand up and read for a long time though. Take a notebook and write things down if you like even. I see people do it all the time.
Sunshine009 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-26-2010, 09:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 2



Default

Hey Flickeringhope, I just wanted to say I can very much relate to what you have said here. It almost could have been written by me. I too have graduated from college recently, and feel quite a lot of pressure to find a job. I haven't had much success yet. I often feel isolated and inferior and that everyone else has so many more skills than me. At least you are able to hold down a job . . . that is a positive! I have Dr. Richards CDs as well and wish there was some kind of group near me for this type of stuff, but there does not seem to be. I tried a therapy group a few years ago, but it ended up being for people with all sorts of problems (marriage problems, depression, alcoholism) and members of the group would often show up 1 wk and then never return after that. It would help immensely having others in my life who understand and are going through similar issues. Anyway, you aren't alone is the point of this I guess.
abovechiangmai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-27-2010, 03:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
FlickeringHope's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: U.S.
Gender: Female
Posts: 46



Default

@ joinmartin....thanks so much for your explanation. That was fascinating to read, and I think it's cool you're training to be a therapist, to help people. I'm glad to hear you've come to feel that self-love.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine009 View Post
Oh yeah, at B & N, you can sit and read for hours there if you want with books and magazines you haven't paid for in big cozy chairs or at the eating area even. Any store where they have chairs welcomes it. Its not a stupid question at all because some stores do not like it, the ones without chairs. In those you can stand up and read for a long time though. Take a notebook and write things down if you like even. I see people do it all the time.
That is awesome! Thanks so much for answering my question, Sunshine009. I've seriously wondered about this for years now....only wish I would've thought to ask someone online sooner. :S I will definitely have to try this out sometime.
__________________
"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise."

----Oscar Wilde
FlickeringHope is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-2010, 11:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3



Default

Wow, I can absolutely relate, I just graduated college and have no friends at all, and I hate myself violently for wasting my life and not being honest with myself or anyone else. Luckily I am staying here for the summer, so I just started seeing a counselor--and what I've learned is that the first step is to start plowing through all that shame that you're mired in! First I tried going to a random activity (board game club) that didn't fit me at all--I was extremely awkward, made them uncomfortable, and got so disgusted with myself that I had to leave early, but the beauty is...it doesn't matter! Then I went up to random people asking for a game of catch, and got mostly polite refusals, but every time I felt less self-hatred and self-consciousness. I've also started going to local concerts and performances by myself, just to be around people and appreciate them. I know you don't have a college town to take advantage of, but you must have something! Look online, ask your coworkers what goes on in town (which in itself is another chance to open up). Understand that your first attempts are going to be extremely humiliating and intensify your shame even more--of course you will come off as inept, boring, emotionally flat/depressed, pathetic, self-conscious, because that's YOU at the moment. But as your perspective and interactions change, so will your personality, and the disgust will fade. You will see how receptive and compassionate many people are with this problem, and when they do react strangely it is from confusion or misinterpretation rather than contempt. And don't worry if your emotions don't pick up for quite a while, of course it will probably be some time before you get really close to someone.

And please do pour out all your crap! It's a huge relief to the rest of us to read it.
poodleman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-2010, 11:43 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
Jessie203's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,939



Default

O.P. I feel exactly the same way you do. I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow for meds. I suggest you do the same if you havn't already. This is my only hope for my problem.. no amount of positivity and achievements has helped with my depression and SA.. I'm beginning to really think it is chemical.
__________________

All the time they lie to me they suffocate
All the time they're suffering
So when will it end?
Jessie203 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm so Pathetic TheVoid Frustration 4 09-23-2009 12:38 PM
I'm pathetic MikeyFresh Frustration 4 07-06-2008 01:40 AM
Horrible, horrible day... Swiftwind The Work Place 10 02-13-2008 12:46 PM
Waking up feeling horrible/wierd Qolselanu Secondary Disorders 8 07-25-2007 08:57 PM
I am a horrible horrible slave to World Of Warcraft Lupus Geek Central 34 09-27-2006 08:20 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:27 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.