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Old 06-01-2008, 02:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default fear of spending life alone

this has been a tough one lately... i get this overwhelming feeling that its like im going to have to come to grips and accept the fact that im going to be alone for the rest of my life. otherwise if i dont im going to be on a painful wild goosechase forever. im tired of being dogged by chicks. i get my hopes up and then i end up feeling worse than before i met them.

and i cant sleep bc there is no reason tomorrow wont be like today (alone), then in the morning i dont want to get out of bed to face reality.

ive got two weddings this fall. i'll be attending alone. im beginning to dislike every holiday since its another milestone with no one. i even go on vacations solo now. ive been the 'single guy' for ages already. dont even get me started on being 30+ single guy and the gay rumors. its exhausting.

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Old 06-01-2008, 07:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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The gay thing is really annoying. My dad kind of jokes about me being gay when I talk to him sometimes. Not in a mean way but subtle joking hints. I'm fairly sure that's in the back of most of my family members heads. I remember when I was a kid alot of my family thought my aunt was a lesbian because she was 30+ and single. It was like an inside joke about her and now I'm probably in that joke. Oh well.
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Old 06-01-2008, 09:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

I'm in the same boat, other than my family, I have nobody else to really turn to or someone I consider a 'real' friend. In terms of being labeled 'gay' I know its in the minds of my family members, especially since I have NEVER dated.
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Old 06-01-2008, 10:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

Heh, i too have been speculated as gay by my family.

God, it's so hard to find a good girl.
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Old 06-01-2008, 11:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

Just keep hanging in there. You still have a lot of life to live, and I'm sure something will go your way eventually. Two weddings are two opportunities to meet someone that's single as well.
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Old 06-02-2008, 01:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diggler86
i even go on vacations solo now.
I don't go on vacations if I can help it as I feel so pathetic going alone.
Same with eating out alone at a restaurant, forget it. And holidays. What do I do for Christmas? Put up a tree and put a gift under the tree for myself? No point in learning to cook either, so I use the microwave.

Sleeping is okay as I always have the feeling things may be magically different when I wake up to a bright new day but (of course) it never changes. Same old me, same old issues.

I'm not gay, but if some cute gay guy came along I might go for it just out of desperation.
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Old 06-02-2008, 03:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

Hullo

You might like to try reading a book called "Reinventing Your Life" by Klosko and Young and initially focus on the Emotional Deprivation lifetrap.

Sorry is a short reply but it gets to the point quickly!
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Old 06-02-2008, 05:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diggler86
this has been a tough one lately... i get this overwhelming feeling that its like im going to have to come to grips and accept the fact that im going to be alone for the rest of my life. otherwise if i dont im going to be on a painful wild goosechase forever. im tired of being dogged by chicks. i get my hopes up and then i end up feeling worse than before i met them.

and i cant sleep bc there is no reason tomorrow wont be like today (alone), then in the morning i dont want to get out of bed to face reality.

ive got two weddings this fall. i'll be attending alone. im beginning to dislike every holiday since its another milestone with no one. i even go on vacations solo now. ive been the 'single guy' for ages already. dont even get me started on being 30+ single guy and the gay rumors. its exhausting.

Hey I feel you, your not alone. I'm in the same crappy lonely situation. I feel at times that I may never find a girl. But I just keep trying and keep hoping and keep getting rejected till something works out.
It's funny I do the same thing every holiday or birthday that passes with no girlfriend. It's a bad milestone that will turn good.
I've been single for ages myself. It's tough but your not the only one going through this! Wish you luck.
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Old 06-02-2008, 06:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

I've felt that way since I was little, but I find that when my depression isn't that bad that trying to focus on friend kind of relationships makes me feel like I'm not alone and I've come to find that they can be enjoyable and I don't think about being alone forever. Plus it helps out with the spending time alone parts. (I'm not assuming you or anyone else on this board has trouble making friends just putting it out there if some people do when they read this.) I know making friends can be tough in of itself, but if you keep trying something will gradually happen.


P.S. And I almost forgot getting to know yourself is really important and helps when trying to make friendships.
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Old 06-02-2008, 09:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: fear of spending life alone

thanks for replies... nice to know at least some can sympathize.

i can remember feeling the same way at 21. now im 31. really dont want to say the same at 41.

i could be better at making friends. im sure the bigger social circle you have the more chances you have to meet someone. but you know i got SA and its tough unless i feel the person is really genuine. far and few between in LA lol.
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Old 11-23-2010, 12:56 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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You don't have to worry about spending your life alone. You only have to worry about spending today alone. There's no point worrying about the future, it may not even happen.
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Old 11-23-2010, 01:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Ah yeah. I feel very often that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I turn 26 next month and still am not with anyone. Its embarrassing and depressing but I guess all I can do right now is try to distract myself.

And my dad thinks I'm a lesbian , so I can relate to the gay thing too lol
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Old 11-23-2010, 01:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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30, was single my whole life until just about this time last year; a girl at work randomly came onto me in a hilariously unsubtle fashion. It lasted two months, and was fun enough. She said at the end that she shouldn't have any boyfriend at all, because she was nuts, and at that point I could kind of believe it (she had a cutting problem, and was probably bipolar)...

I get the gay thing occasionally, particularly from my dad. I made the mistake of telling him I was dating the last girl just before we broke up, and now that he knows that he's been bugging me on a weekly basis about going out and "meeting people" and how he'd love for me to meet a girl and blah blah

Honestly, it was kind of easier when there was just this ambiguity they all had about whether I was gay and I avoided talking about the entire subject.
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Old 11-23-2010, 01:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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i've been afraid of that ever since my teens. i refuse to go through this sh*t alone.
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Old 11-23-2010, 02:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I think the way to getting over this is to simply accept it, accept the possibility that yes you may be alone for a while.

By accepting it you can begin to move past it.

It sounds simple because it is. The constant identification with this thought only gives it more life.

Challenge yourself into becoming a better person, just flipping do it now because life is short, and if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself, chances are you will only meet someone who fills that temporary ever expanding needy hole in your ego and you will never really be happy.

Sorry I felt like ranting because it re-iterates it to me.
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:22 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Even if you find someone, you're not likely to be together forever anyway. My Nanna has been flying solo for 16 years now since my Grandpa died. I guess she at least got to experience a relationship... I'm just saying that many of us end up "going it" alone anyway.
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:34 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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i have no problem whatsoever being alone for a while and i think i'm still pretty optimistic person and all but when i know there's a chance that i might end up alone. it's just overwhelmingly sad and scary.
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:38 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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^ Well I think that's a natural fear to have as a human being LazyCalm .

But not beleiving in/obsessing over it enough to let it turn into a self fulfilling prophecy is the important thing.
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Old 11-23-2010, 04:57 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CeilingStarer View Post
Even if you find someone, you're not likely to be together forever anyway. My Nanna has been flying solo for 16 years now since my Grandpa died. I guess she at least got to experience a relationship... I'm just saying that many of us end up "going it" alone anyway.
Good point! Some people do, but I guess it's very rare. Same thing happened to my nan too when my grandad passed away, she was left to live by herself after all those years of being with him and she handled it so well for quite a few years till she passed away herself. It's just one of those things in life, a lot of people "end up" alone.
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:18 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I'm afraid of this too. I'm young, but I'm afraid my life will never change. I don't think I could handle that. I don't want this life and I'm so afraid that it will never change.
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