Does anyone know why many people *hate* the depressed so much? - Social Anxiety Forum
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Does anyone know why many people *hate* the depressed so much?

As in, *viscerally* understand why people hate the depressed?

It's understandable why they do it. It does not mean that it's condonable

In the same way that I can TOTALLY understand why school shooters shoot up their schools. Even though I DON'T condone what they do. Because there have been times when I got so frustrated with social ostracism that I can see where they're coming from.

So that's all I'm asking - trying to find where the antipathy is coming from
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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It's because they are party poopers/mood killers

People naturally gravitate towards those who are affable

If you can't keep up with someone's socializing you will rarely get sympathy for why that is
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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It is also because many people do not understand depression and what it's really like.
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Old 05-20-2011, 11:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I think they find ways to make them even further depressed which eventually leads to their breakdown.
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Old 05-21-2011, 02:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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it's basically what theseshackles said....no one wants to be around an Eeyore, as my 6th grade health teacher said...actually she pretty much said that because being around people who are pessimistic and depressed all the time is not healthy, "you should stay away from those people, make friends with people who will be happy and supporitve". made me feel so great, seeing as i started feeling depressed in 4th grade. just sweet. of course i agree....but it doesn't help ****

i understand what you mean sometimes, about having some sort of understanding for school shooters. i don't condone it either and find it highly irresponsible and selfish. but i'm going to take a risk and admit, i know they really needed help and now no one will help them. and i know that the people they killed were probably deeply loved and surrounded by friends and popular or maybe just had a good group of friends supporting them, and at the end they are still just as loved and he, the shooter, remains just as ostracized and hated if not way more. which is understandable, which is a reason why it is so irresponsible. but i feel kind of hurt for him, and actually when people bring stuff like that up i feel kind of angry because nobody tries to understand. it isn't actually that people are not supportive of those with depression, it's just that if people don't like you, they wouldn't even care if you committed suicide unless it effected them.
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Old 05-21-2011, 02:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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They want someone thats happy and outgoing. They don't understand what its like to be depressed and even if you did explain it by saying think of a time when you were really upset and imagine you felt that a lot, they still wouldn't understand. I also don't see why they have to take the piss out of people who are depressed, its sick and they think of people who are depressed as less as a person and someone who is some sort of psycho. Society just can't accept people who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses, that's the sad truth.
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Old 05-21-2011, 02:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InquilineKea View Post
As in, *viscerally* understand why people hate the depressed?

It's understandable why they do it. It does not mean that it's condonable

In the same way that I can TOTALLY understand why school shooters shoot up their schools. Even though I DON'T condone what they do. Because there have been times when I got so frustrated with social ostracism that I can see where they're coming from.

So that's all I'm asking - trying to find where the antipathy is coming from
I know what you mean, I get literally ACCUSED of being depressed often, as if it's some sort of crime, so I just lie and say no.

And about the school shooters thing, it's obviously a terrible thing to do, but it annoys me how the people that bullied these kids for years are the ones who drove them to it, and yet they accept no responsibility for their actions.
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Old 05-21-2011, 03:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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It could be a social hierarchy mechanism where traits such as depression are percieved as signs of weakness/being less dominant, and maybe also a resource drain. Viscerally understand? Not yet.
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Old 05-21-2011, 07:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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While I do agree with what has already been said, I think that the reason so many people think this way in the first place is that negative thinking has been demonised by the self-help industry and, as a result, our culture now has a strong aversion to it. People have been conditioned to believe that vigilantly maintaining your own positive mindset should come before almost everything else. Many now fear that the negativity of others will rub off on them to the extent that they actually expect you to fake happiness around them for their own benefit and a failure to do so makes you a bad person in their eyes.
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Old 05-21-2011, 08:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I've never been depressed myself to start off, but I've noticed that people tend to hate seeing insecurity in others.

They look at someone who's genuinely depressed and say "they're just looking for pity," and then spit on them. It's bad enough that the person might not be looking for pity, but let's say that they were. What is so evil about wanting attention that people will completely toss you aside as a human being for doing it?

I've felt very lonely lately, or maybe even for a long time. It feels good to talk about my sadness because I can let it out, and it's nice when someone shows that they care by offering support.

My god! Surely this is the thought process of a monster! Deride anyone who would think this!

Why on earth do people respond that way to insecurity? I get the feeling that it's because people like to think they have "manned up." They look at a depressed person and dehumanize them, tell them to man up because they like to think that's what they would do, even if it's all talk on their part, and 99 percent of the time it is. Everyone's so focused on propping up their happiness with comparisons to kids in Africa (not actually helping) that they claim to have zero tolerance for anyone else in a bad situation, and then they conveniently forget all of that when it's time for them to whine about problems.
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Old 05-21-2011, 08:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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People don't like negativity because it's like a big bowl of tasty ice cream. Negativity is the truth. They know we have the facts. The facts they spend thousands of dollars trying to avoid. They spend it on TV, music, booze, dope, material items, women, sporting events, etc, etc, etc. All to avoid the truth that life really is a rotten deal.

The big bowl of ice cream is not healthy for you, but it tastes so good. You have to try very hard to avoid eating a bunch of it and getting fat. That's how life is. There are all these things you want but you can't have them. It's like one big torture chamber.

People have spent their lives trying to fool themselves into this positive thinking malarkey and they don't want somebody like me coming along and knocking down their pier of lies.

Their life is a big lie. They're ignoring all kinds of things that could and probably will go wrong. Every story ends tragically, no matter what. Every good run comes to a huge thud in the end.

They know deep down that it's all for nothing. This is another reason religion exists. People just can't deal with the truth.
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Old 05-21-2011, 08:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio Fatso View Post
People don't like negativity because it's like a big bowl of tasty ice cream. Negativity is the truth. They know we have the facts. The facts they spend thousands of dollars trying to avoid. They spend it on TV, music, booze, dope, material items, women, sporting events, etc, etc, etc. All to avoid the truth that life really is a rotten deal.
...

People have spent their lives trying to fool themselves into this positive thinking melarkey and they don't want somebody like me coming along and knocking down their pier of lies.
...

They know deep down that it's all for nothing. This is another reason religion exists. People just can't deal with the truth.
Yep, life is painful and few people want to look that right in the eye. All those "goodies" can vanish in an instant; an illness, an accident, loss of a job, downturn of the economy, natural disaster --it can all collapse in an instant.

Have the courage to try to knock it all down for yourself, including the negativity, and see what it's built on and how it's built up. Being nearer to the bottom, we have a better chance at this.
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Old 05-21-2011, 09:36 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InquilineKea View Post
As in, *viscerally* understand why people hate the depressed?

It's understandable why they do it. It does not mean that it's condonable

In the same way that I can TOTALLY understand why school shooters shoot up their schools. Even though I DON'T condone what they do. Because there have been times when I got so frustrated with social ostracism that I can see where they're coming from.

So that's all I'm asking - trying to find where the antipathy is coming from
life is short, people just want to have fun and enjoy themselves while they are here. the last thing they want is to spend time with someone who is going to damage their mood
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Old 05-21-2011, 12:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I actually think one reason people don't like depressed people, is that depressed people often come across as selfish.
And depression is a selfish illness, I know most people with it have terrible self esteem, but still, they always are thinking about themselves, how bad their lives are.
And of course, it's always annoying, seeing people with depression slacking and doing nothing all because of what most people see as 'a bad mood'. Most people don't understand mental illnesses AT ALL. They can't understand that depression is an illness, not just someone who's a bit of a moody person. Mental illness is still ridiculed, because people don't understand it. I know here in England there's definitely still a 'stiff upper-lip' attitude to life, you don't let things get to you and if they do, you certainly don't let it show.

I don't condone people hating on depressives, but I can understand why they do. I had major depression for a few years, and some of my relatives had the attitude that I was making it up, of course I hated them at the time, but now I'm out of it all, I can totally see where they were coming from. I wasn't a nice person at the time, I was totally selfish, and a huge strain on my family. All because of, what to them, seemed like teenage blues.
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Old 05-21-2011, 03:58 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I don't know why but people seem to think I'm depressed because I'm quiet and a loner and they would tell me to "cheer up." The thing is, I never even talk about life sucking or even complain because I don't talk, period. I'm a mute around people. I just try to keep my depression to myself. For me, to act happy and smile would mean being fake and not myself, so no I don't feel like I should lie to people any more than I have to. Many people hate "depressed" people because they don't put on the "act" that society promotes as the "correct" way of being.
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Old 05-21-2011, 04:07 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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It has not been my experience that people hate depressed people but I wouldn't be surprised if depressed people aren't exactly well liked. It can be extremely difficult to have someone who is depressed in your life. They can drag you down with them into their unhappiness and darkness even without meaning to. It can be very heavy on someone emotionally. Also depression and the depressed mindset is probably not something most people can really understand.
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Old 05-21-2011, 04:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by odd_one_out View Post
It could be a social hierarchy mechanism where traits such as depression are percieved as signs of weakness/being less dominant, and maybe also a resource drain. Viscerally understand? Not yet.
I would like some empirical evidence for this.

I'm tired of EP and it's "just so" stories about human behavior.

What kind of hierarchy are we talking about?

Socioeconomic?

PUA hierarchy?
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Old 05-21-2011, 04:18 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I know what you mean. It's understandable why positive energy is going to attract more people, but this extreme irrational hatred that people have toward depressed people is disgusting.

I guess that would be something you would have to research.

It could be a lot of things - it could be them projecting their own fears of personal weakness or fears of death (if you are suicidal for example) onto the other person. They could be threatened by your negative thoughts that make them question their own thoughts. Naturally, instead of allowing themselves to feel the other person's pain, it is easier simply to avoid or attack the depressed person.

There is such a thing as transference of emotion, which is a practical reason why a person should not spend ALL their time with a depressed person. The negative energy could rub off on you if you are not strong enough to deal with it. That doesn't mean you can't be their friend or help them out but it can be draining on the non-depressed person or even worse if BOTH are severely depressed.

It could be they had a close friend who committed suicide who they feel was selfish. I see this talk often on the internet and it makes me a little sad, but I guess you can see they are trying to make sense of something that is just too devastating for them to comprehend. They are trying to make sense of something that seemed so unnecessary and selfish to them.

They might think depressed people are just selfish and lazy and taking the easy way out. Again, they might have friends that are depressed that they think are not trying hard enough to overcome their problem.

These are just thoughts. You could probably find more insightful information by reading a good book about stigma related to depression and mental illness.
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Old 05-21-2011, 04:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I guess the reason for the antipathy is the general dislike of people seeking attention. I can understand how people might think that loudly exclaiming that you're depressed might be "offensive" to some people, that is if we presume that they can't understand what it's really like to be depressed. Most people feel blue from time to time, but obviously some do so way more than others. "Oh, hey, why is that person such a crybaby- I went through exactly the same thing a while ago and I didn't whine a fraction as much! They are only seeking attention." is perhaps (roughly ) the sort of thinking which makes some dislike depressed people. But I dunno really...
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Old 05-21-2011, 04:48 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Oh, I just thought of a big one - the strange phenomenon of the formerly depressed putting down the currently depressed.

What I hear a lot is "I was so depressed I tried to kill myself, but you know, what I got over it, because I actually put the effort into it. This other guy I know, his depression is so minor and yet he "whines like a baby."

Or "This same exact thing happened to me but I didn't whine about it."

Men have it especially rough when it comes to stigma. Men are taught to just shut up and take it like a man. Women are treated more sympathetically when they express their sadness than men are, in general. Although women are often accused of attention seeking.

The worst one I hear is "she only attempted suicide for the attention?" Come on, you serious. Suicide attempts are serious cries for help that will often lead to a successful attempt if they are not treated. Besides, what makes a person feel so good about kicking someone when they are down. It really bothers me.
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