Do your family and friends ever make you feel like ****? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-09-2011, 02:50 PM Thread Starter
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Do your family and friends ever make you feel like ****?

Ok so I will admit that i do not work, and have never had a job. My anxiety prevents me with trying to get one because I always think i will mess up on the job and get yelled at.

Anyways, because of this, I typically have nothing to contribute to conversations in family gatherings or friend gatherings. I try to avoid conversation about me, or conversation in general because i am afraid they will ask about work, and i am embarrassed to say that i don't work and never did. (i'm 23 by the way, so it is much worse for me at this age)

I try to steer the conversation toward my hobbies like my music making, or a current tv show i am watching, or school. But because of this i feel as if others view me as being a child compared to them (even though i am the same age, or close in age). Because i can't contribute to conversations like "things that happened at work"

It doesn't help that most of my friends and family know i don't work and never have, so they will always steer the conversation to that anyways. Resulting in me feeling like a loser.

for example if i mention a musical project i have been working on, they will be like:

"so.....that's all you've been doing huh? work?......why not?.....huh? the good life right?..........not having to work.....doing nothing.........why not work?.....huh?"

i usually clam up after this, with nothing to say, and end up usually quieter the entire night. It's gotten to the point where now i am afraid of family gatherings, or even running into a old friend.

I know my life is ****** up. I know I am a loser. It doesn't help to make me feel even worse. I know i am years behind everyone else. Sometimes i wish i could go back in time and start working at 16. At least by now i'd probably save up enough money to make a down payment on my own place. But nope, i don't have that. I don't see myself moving out for a long time.

This summer i spent the time mostly on the computer teaching myself how to play the piano (i already play guitar, have for 10 years), and trying to write and record my own music along with covers.

feels like nothing compared to seeing my friends on facebook working, earning their own money, and being adults. I feel like a little kid in comparison.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-09-2011, 03:02 PM
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Don't be so down on urself. U have a talent many ppl wish they had. It's cool u know how to play guitar, taught urself piano, etc. I wish I could push myself to do that. Sometimes my fam can be an *** too. Like theyll ask me why i neva come around, or answer the phone. When will I finish school (I've been going forever seems like). They should know by now I have issues lol. I just try not to let it get to me anymore.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-09-2011, 03:03 PM
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I think it's just them being tough on you because they care. If they didn't care, they'd just let your life fall into shambles without even a second thought.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-10-2011, 03:11 PM
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You seem to view yourself as not being an adult, unless you work. Like it's really important.
As I see it, you need work for money. You don't seem to need money currently so it's not really a problem. If the problem is work experience, go work in a music store man! Totally made for the job
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-10-2011, 03:16 PM
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I think a lot of people would love to trade places with you. Working really sucks. Enjoy it while you can because you are going to have to start sometime and once you do you are trapped.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-10-2011, 06:35 PM
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Asking about work is a default small talk option so people can get quite angry when they're deprived of it. But to be honest I don't know how anyone can judge anyone else for not having a job in the current economic climate. I happen to live in an area of higher than average unemployment, so I'm not that unusual in being out of work. All you have to do is tell people you're in the catch-22 of not getting hired because you have no experience and not being able to get experience because no-one will hire you. This applies to many people, not just those with SA.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-11-2011, 08:15 PM
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I feel like that all the time at family gatherings. I have a job (a crappy one) and my family has all these great jobs and my siblings are married with children, my cousins all are married with children and great careers.

At family functions, they're all talking about their amazing jobs or busy lives. When asked about my job I used to talk about stuff that sucked about it, mention a couple people I like working with and they'd look at me strangely as if asking silently like 'why are you working at a place you hate'?. Now I don't say much, just tell them, 'its a paycheck' and make a joke about it and try to move on. And that's almost worst. I'm considering just not talking about it all together.

Moving on from the crappy job topic they ask me 'so how's your apartment'? The same it's been for the last 3 years... seriously... it's awkward.

ESPECIALLY when the cousins or siblings talk about places they went to visit, going to europe, etc. when I have no money to travel or do anything. It's depressing and awkward.

I think having a job helps on some level, as I like getting paid and making my own way but the jobs are slim pickings and I'm sick of working S*** jobs for no respect and such little money. It's hard and it's frustrating. I don't know how everyone else does it and family functions just make me feel like a failure for not having a 'successful' career or amazing life.
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