Do your family and friends ever make you feel like ****?
Ok so I will admit that i do not work, and have never had a job. My anxiety prevents me with trying to get one because I always think i will mess up on the job and get yelled at.
Anyways, because of this, I typically have nothing to contribute to conversations in family gatherings or friend gatherings. I try to avoid conversation about me, or conversation in general because i am afraid they will ask about work, and i am embarrassed to say that i don't work and never did. (i'm 23 by the way, so it is much worse for me at this age)
I try to steer the conversation toward my hobbies like my music making, or a current tv show i am watching, or school. But because of this i feel as if others view me as being a child compared to them (even though i am the same age, or close in age). Because i can't contribute to conversations like "things that happened at work"
It doesn't help that most of my friends and family know i don't work and never have, so they will always steer the conversation to that anyways. Resulting in me feeling like a loser.
for example if i mention a musical project i have been working on, they will be like:
"so.....that's all you've been doing huh?......no work?......why not?.....huh?.........living the good life right?..........not having to work.....doing nothing.........why not work?.....huh?"
i usually clam up after this, with nothing to say, and end up usually quieter the entire night. It's gotten to the point where now i am afraid of family gatherings, or even running into a old friend.
I know my life is ****** up. I know I am a loser. It doesn't help to make me feel even worse. I know i am years behind everyone else. Sometimes i wish i could go back in time and start working at 16. At least by now i'd probably save up enough money to make a down payment on my own place. But nope, i don't have that. I don't see myself moving out for a long time.
This summer i spent the time mostly on the computer teaching myself how to play the piano (i already play guitar, have for 10 years), and trying to write and record my own music along with covers.
feels like nothing compared to seeing my friends on facebook working, earning their own money, and being adults. I feel like a little kid in comparison.