Do you feel like a "loner/outsider" within your own family? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 76 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 06:34 AM
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Re: Do you feel like a "loner/outsider" within your own family?

Pretty much...though I get along fine with my parents, I generally resent and detest most everyone else in my extended family

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post #22 of 76 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 07:22 AM
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Re: Do you feel like a "loner/outsider" within your own family?

I hear that. When I was a kid, my parents didn't really notice that there was anything wrong with me, or that I was unhappy. They assumed that I didn't talk just because I didn't want to. And I did well in school, so they had no incentive to "fix" me. I wish I had ****ed up. I wish I had done something, anything to rock the boat just so they would notice me.

I recommend interrupting them to ask them about their day, and then be sure to tell them about yours too. It's not enough to be a good listener, you have to give people something of yourself, even if you can't see the value you in you right now.
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post #23 of 76 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 08:04 AM
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Re: Do you feel like a "loner/outsider" within your own family?

I've always been the black sheep in my family, because i was soo quiet,withdrawn, and just plain weird.

....I think my family really does love me, but they just don't understand why i behave like i do.

I actually like being the black sheep though. Thats means, i don't have to be bothered with them all the time. I get to have my space. Black sheeps/outcasts are cool IMO.

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post #24 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-19-2011, 02:58 PM
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When I was younger felt like life was perfect. I was close to my siblings and my parents and especially my Dad. As I got older I tried finding someone to love and who would love me back for me. I've dated so many different types of guys. The few that I dated that I truly cared for, no one in my family approved of. So I would eventually end that relationship. Only to be alone all over again. When I turned 21 I started dating a guy whom I had liked since I was young. I tried to make that relationship everything it wasn't and could never be only because my family idolized him. A few years in and we decided to get a place together. Biggest mistake of my life. I got into drugs, I drank almost everyday, I lost weight, I didn't see my family, I was lonely, I was depressed, I was working odd hours, I didn't have any friends. I felt neglected. My "boyfriend" was always off enjoying his life with his friends and never even took the time to see that anything was wrong. This went on for a year. He never even knew I was on drugs. Thats how much he paid attention to me. I had to move home, I had to quit my job. I had to get clean. And I did. Now when I look back I know I never wanted to live with my boyfriend. I wanted to get away from my family. I never did drugs because I wanted to experiment. I did drugs because I needed to fill a void. I was medicating my self with a poison. Now I've been home for almost 6 months now. It has been a roller coaster. I work and live with my family. I don't even feel like they are my family. I feel like I'm living with strangers. I know they love me because I'm blood. But do you ever feel like someone may love you but they dont like you? I feel like that everyday. I want to be close with my Dad like I used to be. I want to be able to talk to my mom without her making me feel guilty about something or pushing her oppinion off on me or shoving it down my throat. I want my Dad to actually like me as a person. I don't ask for anything from them. I'm always trying to help out I'm always offering my help. I'm always asking to do more. I'm a good person. I would give the shirt off my back if they needed it. As for my siblings.. They are the cool ones, the popular ones, the beautiful ones. The favorites now. I feel like I'm the ****ed up middle child. We all live at home. I don't take anything from anyone. I only use the restroom and the microwave. I pay my own way for everything. They take full advantage of my parents. But if I do something or don't do something they have to immediately point it out and its almost always followed with "You are living in our house" But what about when I ask them to go to the store with me just so I can be with them? What about when I ask them if they want to go for a walk? or watch a movie? Come in and sit in my room with me instead of standing outside of it like a stranger? Walk with me across the street to get a coffee? even though I hate coffee but I want to be with my Dad. I recently started dating a guy a few years older than me. He's great. He treats me like I'm god's gift. He opens my door. He takes me out. He shows me off. He brings me around his friends. He tells me how beautiful I am. How sexy how I am. What a great heart I have. How rare it is to meet someone so beautiful and so kind. He's crazy about me. I'm crazy about him. We laugh sometimes my stomach hurts And when we talk, he listens. I listen. We communicate. We're on the same level. We feel the same way about things. We see things the same. He has a heart of gold. He's what I've always wanted. But my family doesn't like him. Why does this happen? Shouldn't my family be happy for me if I'm happy? If I'm trying? If I'm healthy? Why are they so materialistic? So shallow? I don't even feel like I'm related to them. If I didn't look like them.. I would honestly feel like I was switched at birth. Everytime I bring up his name their facial expression changes. They couldn't look more uninterested. Its not just about him, its about me and my life. Anything I talk about that interests or something that happened... they don't care. They look away, they can't talk.. blah blah blah. My mom says she's the only one that understands me, she says my dad doesn't. My mom is the biggest mind F**k. I feel like she ruins me. She makes me feel guilty. She shoves her oppinions on me. My Dad used to understand me. I love my Dad but I don't feel like he loves me back anymore. My brother and sister are so wrapped up in their own lives they could give a rats butt what I have to say. All I want is for my parents to genuinely love me back. I'm so lonely and being in this family makes me feel even more alone. Is that possible? It hurts to say but sometimes I want to move away and start a new life surrounded with people that make me happy and I make them happy. I want to be with people that want me around. That don't want to insult me and someone I care for and who cares for me. I want to be around people that are genuine and like me for me and vise versa. Everyone deserves to be loved. I think my family is ruining the person that I am. I don't want to blame them. I'm not perfect. Far from. I make mistakes. The list goes on. But I truly feel that I'd be better off without them. I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like an outsider anymore. I'm so lonely in this family.
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post #25 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-19-2011, 05:41 PM
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Originally Posted by estelle85 View Post
...I mean my brother has plenty of friends and my parents, they have their own set of friends and well as for me
I cant help but feel like this even when im with family cause like let's say we're done eating lunch together,I wanna just socialize with them, but my brother goes off and chats with his friends and my parents talk to each other about their "social life"and their sets of friends( u know how your parents have the same set of couple friends)...i feel like such a loser cause i feel so left out and it's fine if i cant "belong" but then it's not like I have friends where I can go and talk basically i'm left with the dogs, and it's pretty pathetic cause they sometimes ignore me as well..sighhh im such a fu* shiettttttt
I know how you feel. My parents don't have friends but my brother does and he likes to ignore me a lot. Try to not be down on yourself and try to make your own friends. Easier said than done I know.
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post #26 of 76 (permalink) Old 03-20-2011, 01:47 PM
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Hi Beans. I love you
I know how you feel. I didn't know about all that stuff about the drugs and stuff. I will always be here for you and support whatever is going on in your life. Do you want to move somewhere with me and start over??
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post #27 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 06:17 PM
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same I feel that my whole family hates me today I went into the family living room and they old me to get out I mean when I was little my dad loved me but now it seem like h hates me
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post #28 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 06:30 PM
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I have the least amount of friends of anyone in my immediate family. My sister and parents (especially my mom) are unbelieveably social. I cant believe how many people they know.

In that regard, an outsider in my own family.
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post #29 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 07:08 PM
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Not so much with my parents (I'm an only child), but with my extended family I do. I feel like my cousins think I'm a loser and that they pity me because I have no friends. One of them has tons of friends, is athletic, and he goes to a good college where he's studying engineering. His prospects seem a lot better than mine, and on top of that, my Nana's always gushing about how amazing he is. He's just two years older than me and has already had lots of relationship experience, while I've had none. It hurts when I'm at his house and he has his friends over; I feel so inadequate. My other cousin is in her late twenties, and I know I shouldn't really compare myself with her because she's at a different place in her life, but she's pretty social. Neither of them really talk to me. We don't have that much in common. And then another cousin is just 13 and she's an amazing artist, but for some reason she finds me annoying and nosey. At family get-togethers I used to laugh a lot at my uncle and cousin's antics, but I just don't have much fun at them anymore. It seems like everything's bland now and I just don't fit in. I feel like I've lost something that used to bring me happiness. My family will ask me how I'm doing, and I'll just be like, "oh, same old, same old." There's never anything exciting to report.

"In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, Who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said: 'Is it good, friend?' 'It is bitter - bitter,' he answered; 'But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart.'" - Stephen Crane, In the Desert
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post #30 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 07:17 PM
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I'm the only introvert in my family. Take a wild guess.
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post #31 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 07:18 PM
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I felt that way a lot during high school. My parents have always had friends and it was always easy for my brothers to make friends. It was rare for me to hang out with people on the weekends, and my parents always pushed me to make new friends, but I just couldn't. It really made me feel like an outcast and twice as worse about myself.
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post #32 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 07:21 PM
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Close family (Mother, Father, Brother) I'm able to act totally normal around. You wouldn't know the difference. Eye contact, no awkward pauses trying to think of the 'right' thing to say.

My extended family is a totally different story. If I dare not include myself in every single conversation we have at every family event, someone has to mention it. I recall my uncle's brother being at a New Years event and as we were leaving he said it loud enough for me to hear on purpose. "Just seems like he isolates himself in a box" or something along those lines.

A tad hurtful if you have a fragile ego/self esteem. I didn't do one thing that could have upset him the entire night. Just because I hadn't spoken to him and didn't run up to him to shake his hand, he hated me for it. People like that are why I don't get out much. Always tiny hurtful comments like that being hurled my way if I decide not to be the life of the party that night. It really adds up, even if they don't intend for the comments to be hurtful.
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post #33 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 07:25 PM
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I kinda do, but there are a few other people in my family who are also introverted like me, and we tend to keep a lower profile at family get-togethers.
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post #34 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 08:22 PM
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Yes and I always have. I've always been the shy one and on top of that, my extended family has never been close. I live less than a mile from several cousins and they've never been to my house. I've invited them to see my new house that I bought 3 years ago, but they've never showed an interest in seeing it or me. Most relatives never call me. When I'm in a social setting with them (which rarely happens) and I try to assert myself in conversation, they usually cut me off or react as if I never spoke in the first place. Even my mom keeps things from me so I find most things out about her life from my cousin. (Her mother is my mother's sister.) I've given up on my family, but many of them I don't even like so no big loss. I still envy people who are close to their family and have healthy relationships with them.
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post #35 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-26-2011, 12:45 PM
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I feel like this everyday
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post #36 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-26-2011, 12:52 PM
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I feel like they don't listen to what i say when i talk. And they know how to do a whole bunch of stuff that i don't know how to do, and they won't give me any advice on how to do it.
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post #37 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-26-2011, 12:53 PM
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I know I am considered an outsider by my own family, but I don't care.
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post #38 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-26-2011, 01:03 PM
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My family believes me to be a psychopath and pathological liar. :/
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post #39 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-26-2011, 05:24 PM
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Luckily one of my brothers has SA (though he actually has friends he goes out with when they're in town) but if I didn't have him I'd most definitely feel like a loner.
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post #40 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-26-2011, 05:26 PM
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I'm just a ghost to my family. I never existed nobody knows me or never heard of me.

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NSA - Software Engineers feeding Quantum Supercomputers codes & AI God using Quantum Cryptography Satellites, which allows us to be in sync & generate artificial logical thoughts to be compatible with their fake professional knowledge.

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