Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?
I was just contemplating sending a friend of mine an email just to say hi and apologize for being uncommunicative lately because of all the **** I've been going through, and I realized that, she probably hasn't even noticed. I'm such a poor correspondent that I could disappear from the face of the Earth and she wouldn't even think twice about it.
I've always felt jealous of how easily other people seem to make connections. My friend and roommate Chels, although a total social recluse in many ways, is very, very talkative. She's able to light up the room and I've always envied that. I find it so hard to speak. I guess I've never entertained the delusion that anybody cares what I have to say, whereas other people never have any trouble thinking this.
People are so confusing. When I was younger I learned not to speak because I thought people were more interested in having someone who listened to them. Now that I'm older I find that people are a paradox. They want to be heard, and they want to be spoken to...but not spoken to, really, they want to be entertained. The prize goes to the person with the best act or the most interesting stories.
I'm completely rambling here, but this section is about frustration, so I'm going to go with it.