Do you ever feel alienated from your friends? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 07:15 AM Thread Starter
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Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

I was just contemplating sending a friend of mine an email just to say hi and apologize for being uncommunicative lately because of all the **** I've been going through, and I realized that, she probably hasn't even noticed. I'm such a poor correspondent that I could disappear from the face of the Earth and she wouldn't even think twice about it.

I've always felt jealous of how easily other people seem to make connections. My friend and roommate Chels, although a total social recluse in many ways, is very, very talkative. She's able to light up the room and I've always envied that. I find it so hard to speak. I guess I've never entertained the delusion that anybody cares what I have to say, whereas other people never have any trouble thinking this.

People are so confusing. When I was younger I learned not to speak because I thought people were more interested in having someone who listened to them. Now that I'm older I find that people are a paradox. They want to be heard, and they want to be spoken to...but not spoken to, really, they want to be entertained. The prize goes to the person with the best act or the most interesting stories.

I'm completely rambling here, but this section is about frustration, so I'm going to go with it.
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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 11:35 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

We are all acting all the time. The entertainers among us get most of the friends and goodies in life.

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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 01:40 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

I don't understand people who are social recluses or have social anxiety that are talkative. Forgive me if I'm offending anyone. Maybe they're just able to hide it better or they just want to distract themselves from the anxiety.

I've felt alienated many of times and still continue to feel alienated. I guess since I don't like to talk on the phone very much I don't get in contact with them and they lose interest. I would like to try to find people that have more in common with me or have anxiety as well. I think if we tried to find friends like ourselves or that had our interests (when we're ready of course not immediately) we wouldn't feel so alienated.

In the meantime we should just focus on ourselves.

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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 06:57 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

What friends?

Actually I do have one friend who calls every once in a while. The calls are getting farther and farther apart. I imagine they'll eventually stop altogether, as I'm not really worth talking to.
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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 11:46 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

^ haha, my first thought ....ya..what "friends"...<_<.
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 11:50 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

I feel like an alien, even to myself.
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-08-2008, 11:51 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

The only "friendships" i've had have generally all been unequivocally abusive and unhealthy for me. Constantly manipulated, mocked, and made to feel worthless.

So i've been a loner, pretty much.

Hasn't really worked out well for me.

So, like, those of you who have good friends to back you up, be happy, and never let those friendships fade, don't take that **** for granted.
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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 03:12 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

^ Hey was it your birthday? o.o'
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 03:38 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
^ Hey was it your birthday? o.o'
I did have a birthday recently, yes.

It was unremarkable.
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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 04:26 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

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Originally Posted by forever_dreamer
I don't understand people who are social recluses or have social anxiety that are talkative. Forgive me if I'm offending anyone. Maybe they're just able to hide it better or they just want to distract themselves from the anxiety.

Hey, I'm a talkative social phobic. Though for being a talker I don't make sense most of the time, so it doesn't matter if I'm talkative or not. Most of the time I'm putting on an act to hide my anxiety as stated above. The funny thing is however, when I'm not being outgoing everyone seems to be happier. Can't tell you the number of times I've listened to conversations going between people that seem to get sabotaged every time I try to nudge my way into the topic. Once I'm in the conversation, I try to spice it up and make it interesting and then the former "outgoing" conversation freaks clam up and leave me talking to myself. In fact, sometimes it seems that all of a sudden I turn into social GOD and everyone else turns social phobic!

So lately I've been trying different approaches to this bullpoop occurance, and have come to the conclusion that while being quiet does lower one's chances of being liked, being seemingly TOO outgoing has the same effect as well. It's a lose/lose situation in my case. And I dunno, maybe some people were never meant to be socially acceptable, no matter how much effort the person puts into it. Back to quiet mode I go!

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post #11 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 11:56 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

yep, been there. I've always felt alineated with my friends. Partly because I've never been able to run with their train of thought. I happen to be so much of an idealist to the point that it frustrates people no end. They;re thinking of what to put you down with, and Im thinking of what all I should put up with to 'settle in' with their discussions/arguments/jokes.

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post #12 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 12:42 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

Someitmes, if I'm depressed or just feel like crap. Because then I don't feel like saying much when with a group of people and end up drifting away from their conversations. At least when I participate in a conversation I'm contributing to deciding where it goes, and can make an effort to lead it to a topic that interests/affects/relates to me and I can further add to.

When one-on-one the 'conversations' can get very monologic, especially with my one friend who won't shut up sometimes.

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post #13 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 03:02 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by flickaflicka
I've always felt jealous of how easily other people seem to make connections. My friend and roommate Chels, although a total social recluse in many ways, is very, very talkative. She's able to light up the room and I've always envied that. I find it so hard to speak. I guess I've never entertained the delusion that anybody cares what I have to say, whereas other people never have any trouble thinking this.
Yeah, I felt the same way. My best friend and roommate from college also was kind of like that - a recluse who could be very nasty sometimes, but when she felt like being social she could effortlessly slipped into the center of attention, and everyone just loved being with her, despite the way she treated them when she was in one of her moods. I mean, if I treated people the way she treated them sometimes, nobody would ever talk to me again.

Yeah, I think it's true that most people just want to be entertained. If you're charismatic or funny enough, people will forgive you just about anything. I always was kind of jealous of her, and how she had a lot of qualities that I didn't that allowed her to be the way she was. Of course I never could express these feelings to her, so that made me feel alienated.

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post #14 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-09-2008, 07:26 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sno
Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
^ Hey was it your birthday? o.o'
I did have a birthday recently, yes.

It was unremarkable.

Happy Belated Birthday~~!
(hope this makes u feel "better"?)
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post #15 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-10-2008, 02:27 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
Happy Belated Birthday~~!
(hope this makes u feel "better"?)
Heh, well, thanks, i guess.
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post #16 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-10-2008, 02:38 AM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

No, but only because I don't have any friends in real life.

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post #17 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-12-2008, 06:26 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

I know exactley what you mean. I've had the same group of friends since high school but now that we are all in college, I feel like im only their friends by "default". My friends are all funny or cool and it seems like i have nothing to bring to the table besides akwardness. They put up with it probably cause they feel bad, but since I figured out I have SA I'm starting to avoid them more and more. Sooner or later they're going to sever ties once and for all.
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post #18 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-12-2008, 07:53 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

I only feel alienated when my friends want to go out and drink. It's because I'm not 21 yet.
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post #19 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 03:29 PM
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Post Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

I have one friend irl. We've been friends for about 5 years now and i guess i'm lucky cos she happens to be one of the best friends a person could ever hope to have. We're really close and i can talk to her about most things, yet i often still feel alienated from even her. She seems to deal with most social situations with ease, can easily hold/carry a conversation and seems to have no trouble finding jobs. I can't help but envy that. She's just so much more "normal" socially than i am. I don't think she's the type of person who'd just stop hanging out with someone if she got bored of them, i just don't think it's in her nature to do something like that, yet sometimes i still find myself wondering why she is still friends with me
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post #20 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 03:37 PM
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Re: Do you ever feel alienated from your friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by citizen_erased
i still find myself wondering why she is still friends with me
Because you are a great person.

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