Do therapists/counselors/etc tell you anything you don't already know? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 02:32 PM Thread Starter
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Do therapists/counselors/etc tell you anything you don't already know?

As someone with severe social anxiety, if I go to a professional will they tell me things I havent already heard before?. Am i paying for someone to remind me of what i know and to tell me i can do it and whatnot. Or they have secret knowledge that will help me overcome it or help me cope with it
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post #2 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 02:40 PM
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Therapists are useless.

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post #3 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 02:55 PM
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Therapists are useless.
And you know this even thought you never visist one. dota2.

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Originally Posted by death001 View Post
As someone with severe social anxiety, if I go to a professional will they tell me things I havent already heard before?. Am i paying for someone to remind me of what i know and to tell me i can do it and whatnot. Or they have secret knowledge that will help me overcome it or help me cope with it
Therapists have this job for a reason. They are expert in helping people. You should give it a try and trust them. Many that have gone to terapists have get better/cured. But for some it takes long time. And maybe you should try diffrent terapists (both males and females). They will try to make you think in positive way and find the root problem. And they will do CBT with you. And also group-meetings with other people that have SA. But the most important with terapists is the fact that they can give you medicin against anxiety, depression etc which nobody else can, you can not buy this medicin on the pharmacy.

بِسْمِ ٱللَّهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَٰلَمِينَ

ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

مَٰلِكِ يَوْمِ ٱلدِّينِ

إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ

ٱهْدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٰطَ ٱلْمُسْتَقِيمَ

صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ ٱلْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ
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post #4 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:34 PM
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Not sure how it is where you are.

I've been to therapists, psychiatrists and councillors, few have helped.

Group therapy was slightly helpful, and I did gain a new friend from it but once it was over everything nose dived again.

One-One therapy differs slightly, it can be helpful for some, not for others.

Something I learned in my group therapy a lot of us were against CBT (that it didn't work) but also one person in the group had experienced some kind of Electro shock therapy? Which they hated. Groups can have very difficult dynamics, for example in the group I was in there was one gentleman who was very isolated (had no friends, didn't leave the house, didn't have a tv/phone/internet/radio etc, only left to go to the group) and honestly he made it clear he didn't want to be there, he argued and shouted and was generally a horrible person, I mean he reduced me to tears on numerous occasions, and was verbally aggressive to a number of the other group members, but I mean he left eventually so.... oh well.

Also depending on what country you live in therapists are NOT the only people who can prescribe you medicine against anxiety, depression etc etc, I have NEVER been prescribed these medicines from a therapist my G.P provides them (I have to go to the pharmacy with a prescrition obviously) but check that out too it could help.

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post #5 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:38 PM
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I only started counseling a few months ago, but my counselor has been really great so far. She's helped me make progress for the first time since elementary school, and having another perspective and some accountability is really helpful for me personally. Next semester, I'm continuing my individual counseling with her, which includes CBT, and joining two groups she recommended.

So personally, I would recommend it, especially if you've never tried it before. I do think you have to approach it with the right attitude, though.
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post #6 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:27 AM
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mine was helpful. self hate is down 40%

no wonder you can't sleep
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post #7 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:46 AM
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Personally I've found the internet more helpful than therapists.
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post #8 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 02:38 PM Thread Starter
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I only started counseling a few months ago, but my counselor has been really great so far. She's helped me make progress for the first time since elementary school, and having another perspective and some accountability is really helpful for me personally. Next semester, I'm continuing my individual counseling with her, which includes CBT, and joining two groups she recommended.

So personally, I would recommend it, especially if you've never tried it before. I do think you have to approach it with the right attitude, though.
whats the right attitude
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post #9 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 03:50 PM
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Personally I've found the internet more helpful than therapists.
This, definitely.

This site has been a huge help to me instead of therapy.

I tried out therapy. It was pretty useless, yeah. But i gave it a go, and thats all you can do.


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post #10 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 04:18 PM
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whats the right attitude
I'm not sure how to put it… a willing attitude, I guess? I'm sorry, I know that's vague, I'm just not quite sure how to explain what I mean.
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post #11 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 05:25 PM
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I tried therapy in the past and it did nothing for me. Not sure if it is right for me or if I can handle it at this time. Going to try meds first before I even consider therapy again.
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post #12 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:58 PM
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They give you a lot of very useful tips. I mean a lot of them you can already figure out using your logic or knowledge of mental illnesses and the brain but they have just the right pieces of advice to fill in the gaps and their advice allows you to learn how to completely overcome social anxiety.
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post #13 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 10:34 PM
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As someone with severe social anxiety, if I go to a professional will they tell me things I havent already heard before?. Am i paying for someone to remind me of what i know and to tell me i can do it and whatnot. Or they have secret knowledge that will help me overcome it or help me cope with it
Depends entirely on what you already know and what they have to tell you.

Nobody (including me) will be able to tell you whether therapy would be of help to you specifically or not, most will only be able to provide personal anecdotes.

My personal anecdote is that multiple instances of therapy hasn't done anything for me but I'm only one person, it might help you.

So given that it's something that does seem to help a noticeable amount of people, if you have access to it and need help, it could be worth trying.

Good luck.

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post #14 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 05:26 AM
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Anything I've tried through the NHS in the past has largely been a complete waste of time and only added to my levels of frustration.

Generally speaking, all therapists/CBT do is still you what you already know. They come out with the same old comments, replies and the same old 'solutions' which are only really viable for someone who already has progressed a few rungs up the 'social ladder'. There's no help for those who are stuck at the bottom with nothing. It seems you have to produce something out of fresh air before any of their advice would make sense. The only advice they give from my own experience, is asking you to do the very things you can’t do and gone to seek help for in the first place… Again, they seem absolutely lost if you can't even do the basics. Upon this, they then blame you for everything – battering the person who's already down , say you aren't trying (even though you've given multiple examples of exactly that…and failed) and then genuinely wonder why you aren't confident and are unwilling to talk more.

I've not sought any professional help for around five years now. I had enough of it. Unless things become seriously bad for me, I have no intentions on seeking so-called 'professional' help again. It's all very well they've studied the subject – but unless they've been in the shoes of a person with SA or depression, they simply cannot relate to how it makes you feel.

I've actually made more progress by forcing myself into situations on my own terms, alone… Seriously. Sure, it's not given me any perks or rewards that others literally roll around in for doing the same thing (thus the origins of a lot of my SA and depression), but I'm a heck of a lot frustrated than I used to be.

Professional help may have improved in recent years and my only experiences are via the NHS. I'd hazard a guess to say if I paid and went private, I might have slightly better results. However, my own experiences really have put me off. Certainly in short/medium term.

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post #15 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 05:52 AM
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I'd have to agree with @Hayman here. Many therapists are people who've read a lot of books on mental illness but never experienced it themselves, and then use that knowledge to exploit the mentally ill for financial gain.

Personally, my experience with a therapist was thoroughly mediocre. Their solution to my anxiety/depression was simply to "get out more" even though that was exactly what I'd been seeking help to do in the first place!
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post #16 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 01:06 PM
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Thinking about discontinuing my therapy sessions very soon. Hasn't helped me and I've been swing her since February 2016. My treatment plans and goals haven't changed because my issues never got resolved. Things have actually gotten worse since I started seeing her. If your looking for someone to hold your hand, walk with you and give you all the right answers, you are wasting your time.
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post #17 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 10:53 PM
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Anything I've tried through the NHS in the past has largely been a complete waste of time and only added to my levels of frustration.

Generally speaking, all therapists/CBT do is still you what you already know. They come out with the same old comments, replies and the same old 'solutions' which are only really viable for someone who already has progressed a few rungs up the 'social ladder'. There's no help for those who are stuck at the bottom with nothing. It seems you have to produce something out of fresh air before any of their advice would make sense. The only advice they give from my own experience, is asking you to do the very things you can’t do and gone to seek help for in the first place… Again, they seem absolutely lost if you can't even do the basics. Upon this, they then blame you for everything – battering the person who's already down , say you aren't trying (even though you've given multiple examples of exactly that…and failed) and then genuinely wonder why you aren't confident and are unwilling to talk more.

I've not sought any professional help for around five years now. I had enough of it. Unless things become seriously bad for me, I have no intentions on seeking so-called 'professional' help again. It's all very well they've studied the subject – but unless they've been in the shoes of a person with SA or depression, they simply cannot relate to how it makes you feel.

I've actually made more progress by forcing myself into situations on my own terms, alone… Seriously. Sure, it's not given me any perks or rewards that others literally roll around in for doing the same thing (thus the origins of a lot of my SA and depression), but I'm a heck of a lot frustrated than I used to be.

Professional help may have improved in recent years and my only experiences are via the NHS. I'd hazard a guess to say if I paid and went private, I might have slightly better results. However, my own experiences really have put me off. Certainly in short/medium term.
I'd have to agree that most of the therapists I've seen seem to be more interested in whatever their book says and preserving their ideology than thinking about whether it's actually realistic or helpful (they seem lost if their standard advice doesn't apply to you). That said, I still wouldn't tell someone has else that they shouldn't do it or that they have to.

Out of interest what do you think would make therapy better? Or do you feel it's inherently flawed.

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post #18 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 10:58 PM
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Useless. Had me dragged off when I tried to do a new hand puppet show I came up with.

Joking aside(no really, that was a joke), it depends on you and the therapist.
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post #19 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 01:13 AM
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Talk Therapy. A waste of money; but because we pay for it, we live under the premise that it is extraordinarily more beneficial to us than say... talking to someone for free. It's an illusion.

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post #20 of 56 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:20 AM
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Originally Posted by LonelyLurker
I'd have to agree that most of the therapists I've seen seem to be more interested in whatever their book says and preserving their ideology than thinking about whether it's actually realistic or helpful (they seem lost if their standard advice doesn't apply to you). That said, I still wouldn't tell someone has else that they shouldn't do it or that they have to.

Out of interest what do you think would make therapy better? Or do you feel it's inherently flawed.
I'm glad you agree. I accept there are people out there who do genuinely benefit from therapy. It does work for some people - but there needs to be an understanding that it doesn't work for everyone... It's not that those it doesn't work for are not trying, horrible, awkward or any other nasty (often accused by medical professionals who are supposed to help) - it's simply not suited for them.

For me personally, I found it barely more useful than a chocolate fireguard. All it boiled down to was someone telling me I'm wrong, I shouldn't think the way I do, I'm to blame for everything and that I need to do more than those who are more socially able. That's was the basic, bottom line. Sorry, but I'm tired of knocking myself down when I know there are forces beyond our control that also heavily contribute towards the problems we face. They simply didn't want to know and closed that line of conversation down. Facing my fears is something I do most days...which is what gives me my problems in the first place. How is doing more of the same thing that causes me grief going to cure me?!

To make therapy better, we're going to have to see therapists that actually listen to us. To sit there and allow us to speak - without interruption unless absolutely necessary. Allow us to finish the point we were making so they have a clearer picture, rather than interrupting half way through. There needs to be an understanding of what we're saying and then work upwards from there. Not being dismissive, telling us what to do (which involves social skills, confidence and no depression) before they offer more help.

At the moment, we see help only being offered once we've reached a certain level. There's no help for those who are stuck at the bottom and need lifting up from there. For instance, imagine you're trapped at the bottom of a 50ft well. Someone throws down a rope that's 30ft long and expects us to leap up to that level before they can pull us up. What's actually needed is a rope that's another 15ft or so long...

I'm not demanding medical professionals accept what we say. All I ask is for a genuine understanding of where we're coming from and then offer advice and help from those understandings - and not from what they have read in textbooks. Without them having the feelings of the sufferer, I don't honestly think we'll see them helping us to that degree. We're expected to do everything alone - but the reason you've gone to seek help in the first place is because you can't do what they say! Ironic, really. That's the whole point of therapy - to seek help and advice on things you can't do. Not to be told to simply "do" what you can't do.

I feel the only people who can genuinely help are those who have been in our position for many years and somehow managed to overcome it later on in life.

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