Do SA'r attract Yappers? (as in opposites attract).

[finster]

I'm pretty shy, quiet and when I talk I tend to get straight to the point, summing up whatever I want to say in a sentence or two. This is after I have at least spent a couple of seconds thinking over what to say in my mind.

So how come almost everyone I know insists on yapping on and on incessantly about even the most basic things. Not only that but they insist on thinking out loud so I am forced to listen to these disjointed, incoherent thinking processes while they come to their "brilliant"
conclusions that I could have probably came up with in under two seconds.

I have come to the conclusion that these people are narcissists so in love with the sound of their own voice that they just can not bear the thought of silence.

And if you see two of these people in a group conversation you can actually see how uncomfortable the one who isn't talking is getting. In my case I can tell they aren't even listening to what I or someone else is saying because they are going over in their mind what they are going to say next.

Now for my question. Is this my own fault because I have no ability to tell jokes and cute stories and so it is just convenient for me and the person talking because they get to hog the floor like they want and I just get to sit there like a lump on a log. Not only that, but when they see me rolling my eyes and looking obviously bored and disinterested after hearing this tale (sometimes for the umpteenth time) they might say "Well, go ahead then, you tell us something!" and guess what - I'm forced to say "Uh, I've got nothing." which makes them think "Then stop complaining, I can't help it if you're socially retarded (I've actually been called this more than once.)

I actually have the ability to engage in serious conversations about things I consider important like government or social issues, but most of the people I know want to give an excruciating blow by blow report of how long it took to get their refrigerator repaired or how long they had to wait in line at the pharmacy.

The fact of the matter is I have my own problems to worry about and I can no longer tolerate hearing about the boring minutae of other peoples lives. I realize it's important to them because it's THEIR LIFE! But it's not my life but they still think everyone should find the inane details of their lives so utterly fascinating.

I now avoid these people as often as is practically possible but I must determine what it is about me that finds me actually friends or acquaintances with some of them.

Sorry about the rant.

[virgo chick]

Its ok to rant... its a good way to vent ur fustration
Yeah, i do find that i attract 'yappers' because i listen more than i speak, thus giving them the impression that i'm truly interested in what they are saying.
(I am too polite...)
Its quite funny how some people believe that EVE-RY mudane thing thats happening in their life is interesting. (Twitter, anyone??) I dont get it.
Maybe people like to start small before they get onto the big topics... but if they go on a blow to blow report about their refigerator repairs...it gets dull.

[Shining Phoenix]

You're not alone. Everytime I meet those type of people and just focus on their body language and attitude, I can't help but to think they're the adhd obnoxious type who can't spend a single second alone. They're the exact opposite of SA sufferers when it comes to certain characteristics. We shouldn't despise them though, just feel sorry for them since they're most likely suffering from a disorder as well, and ignore them as best as we can whenever they bother us.

[finster]

Thanks for replying virgo chick. I'm glad you mentioned twitter - the whole idea of someone letting the whole world know everytime they take out the garbage or buy a big mac is unfathonable to me.

And I forgot to mention cell phones. Everytime I'm in a store I hear "So what ya doin?"
"Nothin?" "Me too, I just thought I'd let you know that I'm buying a gallon of milk. See ya around."

It's one thing if you're walking around and can go to a different isle but it seems everyone in the long check out line feels it necessary to maximize their unlimited minutes by letting 14 strangers know every detail of their's and whoever is on the other end of the line lives.

[Still Waters]

Life is mostly made up of the minutae-people need to comb thru all of that before they feel comfortable talking about deeper issues. For me,the small talk phase is the toughest part,it requires in most cases,lots of pretend fascination. It always amazes me how long it goes on before you can get to a deeper phase.- However,if you attempt to bypass the minutae phase there's a tendency to comes across as too serious,over-bearing,etc. I believe one of my biggest issues is simply being a very poor actor-as harsh as it sounds,people respond to fakes.

[finster]

Originally Posted by Still Waters

Life is mostly made up of the minutae-people need to comb thru all of that before they feel comfortable talking about deeper issues. For me,the small talk phase is the toughest part,it requires in most cases,lots of pretend fascination. It always amazes me how long it goes on before you can get to a deeper phase.- However,if you attempt to bypass the minutae phase there's a tendency to comes across as too serious,over-bearing,etc. I believe one of my biggest issues is simply being a very poor actor-as harsh as it sounds,people respond to fakes.

I understand what you're saying about small talk. To me, it's totally appropriate when you first meet someone or if you're at a family gathering with relatives that you rarely see and can't really relate to. That's when "Well, what do you think of this weather?" or "It sure looks like 'insert local sports team here' might win a few this year." is called for. Both sides are probably nervous and looking for a conversation starter.

I too crave intelligent discussion of deeper issues, something I would really get into and want to participate in. I think you're right that you would only want to do this with people you know better and can relate to on a deeper level. My point is that I have known a lot of these people for years and it seems like they could really care less about what's going on in my life (believe me, I can see the wheels spinning in their head while I'm talking and they're totally oblivious to what I'm saying because they are so wrapped up in their own lives that they are playing over in their head what they are going to say when I stop talking. They even try to be polite by pretending to care but it's oh so obvious that they don't.

[virgo chick]

Originally Posted by finster

And I forgot to mention cell phones. Everytime I'm in a store I hear "So what ya doin?"
"Nothin?" "Me too, I just thought I'd let you know that I'm buying a gallon of milk. See ya around."

It's one thing if you're walking around and can go to a different isle but it seems everyone in the long check out line feels it necessary to maximize their unlimited minutes by letting 14 strangers know every detail of their's and whoever is on the other end of the line lives.

Haha...so true.

[kraigg]

Originally Posted by virgo chick

Its ok to rant... its a good way to vent ur fustration
Yeah, i do find that i attract 'yappers' because i listen more than i speak, thus giving them the impression that i'm truly interested in what they are saying.
(I am too polite...)

I'm the same way, where everyone I'm acquainted with is talkative. They really like to talk. I'm a fairly quiet person, who is seen to be a good listener and problem solver. So people tend to tell me about the most intimate parts of their lives, knowing that I'm not the type to gossip or tell anyone else about it.

I guess quieter people are seen to be more trustworthy, less gossipy, or less likely to take what they tell us and use it in a negative way. Maybe that's why we attract the yappers.

Though I don't think I'm that much of a good listener, if given the choice between listening or speaking, I'd prefer to listen. Plus it allows me to forget my own problems for a while, which is good for me. So I don't feel it's a bad thing to listen to them talk (although I have this girl at work always telling me things about her boyfriend, good things and bad things - I'm in love with this girl, but she doesn't know - so those conversations are a bit hard for me to listen to).

[dunky]

I know a person like that. He's a cool guy and everything, and has tons of acquaintances. Thing is, in my circle of friends, he's the one who is seen as the least desirable to be around because he talks so much and gets too annoying. While he certainly knows tons of people, I doubt that even half of them are his friends, just people he thinks are friends because he's talked to them a couple times.

Whenever I'm feeling shut down because of my SA, I think about how he must be enjoying life in ignorant bliss because he doesn't realize most of the people he claims to be good friends with don't really care all too much about him.


Plus he smokes all my weed and I get mad about that.

[lawry]

my best friend is a "yapper". since he talks so much he always brings up the topic of conversation so i don't have to, haha. so we balance eachother out i guess. he talks too much and i talk too little.