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Old 10-12-2010, 05:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Do people look at you cuz your ugly or good looking?

ok. well this chick in my class is a solid 9/10. and for some reason she keeps looking at me every minute. i look back and she looks away. either my peripheral vision is fking with me or its true. i always see her messing with her hair and fixing her clothes all the time. i talked to her only a couple of times because im shy.
but on the other hand i tried hitting on this other chick in the same class who is in my league but it seemed like she had no interest in me at all. i would ask her questions and she would reply with simple vague answers, answers that i cant go anywhere with. she seems really shy just like me.
ive asked people if i was good looking and people just say im ok.
i look at myself and i would also say im alright looking.
so anyway what do you guys think of my situation?
ive never had a girlfriend because of my shyness.
anyway this sucks because my skin has alot of small pimples. i have skin decoloration because of tinea versicolor. and its all on my face and i feel like shes looking at me because of it. it feels so awkward.

this also happened with another girl last year. she kept looking at me with her friend like im some weirdo. i take the bus for college and there were no seats available except one next to me and she chose to stand instead of sitting next to me. its weird. this really blows because i have no idea of what people think of me besides of my friends.
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Old 10-12-2010, 05:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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The whole 'league' thing doesn't always work out the way you think it would. Plenty of people in my 'league' don't find me even somewhat attractive, but I've had a couple of guys who were miles hotter than me express interest.

So, you never know. This gal may be into you.
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Old 10-12-2010, 10:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I think people look at me because I'm above average which leads them to see my fixed gaze I always have. If people just looked at me, they wouldn't know anything was wrong. It's when they keep looking that they discover my awkwardness.
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Old 10-12-2010, 10:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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lol girls stare at me all the time everywhere I go........especially in Europe....oh my god.....they would just stare at me and then talk to their friends and giggle........Like......I know I am attractive, and not ugly at all.......but it made me so nervous....
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Old 10-12-2010, 10:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by LaRibbon View Post
In my experience, people are more likely to look at someone if they're good looking. They generally ignore anyone who is plain / ugly...unless the're really ugly, like circus freak show type ugly, in which case they'll look a lot.

I think this is true, but some people have different views. For myself, if someone was looking at me, I wouldn't know. I pretty much ignore that notion. I'll glance at someone if I find them attractive, but that's about it.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I don't like the league thing. It's true on the level that 80-90% of relationships make sense on looks. What I mean is attractive gets with similar attractiveness, and overweight gets with overweight, and so on. Attractive women and big breasts and ****ty outfits get the most people staring. Either that or a guy/girl in a cast or a wheelchair will get a ton of looks.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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It's kinda frustrating how everyone on this site is sooo obsessed with their looks/being wanted/not being wanted/getting sex/etc. It's off-putting, actually.

Everyone gets looked at for all sorts of reasons. Maybe they think they know you from somewhere. Maybe they're just spaced out. Maybe they're bored and are just wondering about what kind of person you might be (which doesn't mean that they want to know or even really care, they're just sort of wondering), maybe you have peculiar mannerisms (I think this is why people sometimes look at me), or odd posture, or maybe you're somehow disproportionate or very proportionate... maybe they like your shirt/jacket/pants.

I don't think you should automatically assume that everyone either wants you or thinks you're gross.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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It's pretty much impossible to know why without asking, people do things for many reasons. Could it be because they find you ugly? Yes, could it be because they find you extremely attractive? Yes, could be that you keep farting without realising and they are evil staring you because they are finding it hard to concentrate as the scent of hell wofts up their nostrils? Yes.

I would try to muster up the courage to ask her why.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by herb the dolphin View Post
It's kinda frustrating how everyone on this site is sooo obsessed with their looks/being wanted/not being wanted/getting sex/etc. It's off-putting, actually.

Everyone gets looked at for all sorts of reasons. Maybe they think they know you from somewhere. Maybe they're just spaced out. Maybe they're bored and are just wondering about what kind of person you might be (which doesn't mean that they want to know or even really care, they're just sort of wondering), maybe you have peculiar mannerisms (I think this is why people sometimes look at me), or odd posture, or maybe you're somehow disproportionate or very proportionate... maybe they like your shirt/jacket/pants.

I don't think you should automatically assume that everyone either wants you or thinks you're gross.
Maybe it has something to do with self esteem or other issues that go hand in hand with their SA problems. I know I have self esteem problems that also gets affected by my SA. Most of the time I think I'm horribly unattractive that no one even wants to be my friend or be around me. I don't think anybody wants to feel this way its just that we do from these problems.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I'm not surprised at all that people discuss looks so much. This isn't a cliche movie where the nerdy ugly guy gets the hot chick. This is the real world where the hot chick only dates hot guys that aren't dorky. Most men care most about looks in women than anything else. I would know, I'm a guy.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Women have been known to "holler" at me from passing vehicles, call me sexy and all this other meaningless bullcrap. If only they knew I was insane.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Torment View Post
Women have been known to "holler" at me from passing vehicles, call me sexy and all this other meaningless bullcrap. If only they knew I was insane.
Don't say that. We aren't insane, we just have an anxiety disorder.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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It's such a strange experience... having social anxiety and being physically attractive.
Even when people tell you that you are cute or hot, it's hard to believe them.
(And doesn't it sound shallow to say of yourself "Oh, I know am attractive" ... even if you are absolutely gorgeous ... it's embarrassing to admit and it turns people off, doesn't it?)

With social anxiety, it's weird because you don't know if people are avoiding you because
1.they're too afraid to to approach you or
2. you think there is something "wrong" with you! LOL

And when you realize (your cuteness) does draw attention to yourself... the SA makes it hard to know how to deal with the attention.
Does anyone else experience this?

During college entrance exams, I was sitting next to a couple of young guys...the testing room was completely quiet during the exam...I was concentrating on my test...when I hear one of the boys whisper to his friend, "Hey, do you see that girl over there? She's hot!"
A heat-wave of panic washed over me, I froze, my face went red, I started sweating... I didn't know what to do!
Having SA and being physically attractive is a struggle sometimes because Beauty puts a lot of expectations on a person to be Social, the Life of the Party, a Social Butterfly... and yet you do not feel comfortable.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:59 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, it's kind of like mo' money mo' problems, except with looks.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:23 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I get stared at a lot, and I hate it. I used to be super aware of it, but now I've gotten to the point where I kind of walk around with blinders on. I try not to notice if someone is looking at me because it makes me so physically uncomfortable.

Unless I'm out with my mom, she loves to tell me whenever someone is staring at me for some reason. "Oh did you see that guy there looking at you? Or how about that one????" She's always telling me stuff like that whenever we go out together. As to why they are staring, I honestly have no idea.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:49 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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As to why they are staring, I honestly have no idea.
i think it's because you're attractive. even if you might not think so, i do lol. guys like it when girls know how to take care of themselves so that's a plus. yup, mhmm.
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:08 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by chriswatch View Post
I don't like the league thing. It's true on the level that 80-90% of relationships make sense on looks. What I mean is attractive gets with similar attractiveness, and overweight gets with overweight, and so on. Attractive women and big breasts and ****ty outfits get the most people staring. Either that or a guy/girl in a cast or a wheelchair will get a ton of looks.
Erm...sorry, but go outside and look at relationships people have. People are with all kinds of different people and judgements on whether they've got with people who are "of similar attractiveness" (whatever that means) are just that: judgements. Where on earth does the 80%-90% thing come from other than a guess?

"I'm not surprised at all that people discuss looks so much. This isn't a cliche movie where the nerdy ugly guy gets the hot chick. This is the real world where the hot chick only dates hot guys that aren't dorky. Most men care most about looks in women than anything else. I would know, I'm a guy."

Erm...no again. None of us see the world as it is. We see our map of the world and when that map is infected by negative beliefs, anxiety etc it's easy to see things that aren't necessarily there. The hot chicks only date the hot guys who aren't dorky? What is this? High school? No. Welcome to outside of high school. "Hot" is relative and subjective, women and men date all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons and we have individual preferences which change as we develop and new things come into our lives.

I wonder how those here who believe themselves to be "physically attractive" have made that judgement about themselves and what differences there are between how they made that judgement and how someone who doesn't think that about themselves makes that judgement?
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:51 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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My mind is telling me "They're looking at you 'cuz you're fat/ugly/strange"
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:02 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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^^ well that's low self esteem for ya! I am the same, always look at the negative when it comes to things like that.
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:03 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Receiving positive feedback on looks from most if not all is a good indicator of physical attractiveness.
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