Do overprotective parents lead to social anxiety? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Frustration

Reply
Old 02-27-2012, 07:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 151



Default Do overprotective parents lead to social anxiety?

I don't want to sound ungrateful or whiny about how my parents have ruined my life. They're actually very good parents who've raised me well and have taught me right from wrong. I have two degrees and a great job and I'm happy with my career. HOWEVER - I'm very shy, anxious and awkward in social situations and I think the reason for this is the fact that my parents have been extremely overprotective over my entire life. When I was in school, even middle school and high school, I wasn't allowed to go to birthday parties, hang out at the mall, go to the movies, sleep-overs, or to anyone's house. You can say I pretty much was not allowed to have a social life because my parents always thought something bad would happen to me.

I wasn't allowed to move away for undergrad so I stayed at home and commuted for an hour everyday to go to class. As a result, I didn't have your typical college experience and did not make many friends in university since I just went to class and then went home. For my masters degree, I was allowed to move away because my program was only one year. By that point, I didn't have any social skills because I wasn't allowed out when i was younger. I managed to make a few friends and had a good time going to parties, but still felt really anxious. Now that I'm working, those people I met during grad school still hang out and I get invited, but I feel so out of place. I want to be a part of that group and feel comfortable sooo badly, but I just can't. I feel extremely awkward in social situations at work too. And I just don't know how to feel more comfortable. I've never been allowed to have a boyfriend either so I never have. I\m not even allowed to go to the movies with a guy friend. My parents would only let me go somewhere with a guy if we were part of a group of friends - not two people alone together.

The one time I don't feel as anxious is when I'm traveling (to a foreign place) because I don't care what anyone thinks about me since I won't see them again. So naturally, I want to travel and you'd think that at 24, with a job, I'd be able to do that. But since I have no friends that want to go with me, I want to go alone which would be soo theraputic and would help me. But my overprotective parents won't let me go alone (I've been planning to go to Chicago).

Do you think my parents' overprotectiveness is to blame (at least in part) for my social awkwardness/anxiety? Does anyone else have parents like this? What do I do??
ForAllTime is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 07:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
blue the puppy's Avatar
 
Status: madly in love
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: the DMV, USA
Gender: Female
Age: 30
Posts: 2,434



Default

i think their parenting probably is to blame somewhat, at least.. obviously, its not the reason for social anxiety in all cases. my parents were not overprotective at all.
blue the puppy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 07:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,390



Default

It isn't THE cause of SA - my parent's weren't overprotective at all - but it could be A cause, or even the main one for you. I would suggest not listening to them anymore. At age 24 you should be able to make your own decisions. If you want to go to Chicago, go. If you think they held you back in the past and thus caused your SA, don't let them keep doing it now.
wxolue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 09:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
Frozen In a StarryVoid's Avatar
 
Status: a disease of the mind
Join Date: Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Posts: 266



Default

mine were.. i do think it can be a reason for SA
=[
Frozen In a StarryVoid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 09:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: You have to do better.
Posts: 4,683



Default

My parents were paraniod and overprotective, and were a critical cause of my SA.
BobtheBest is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 09:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
Lokis Whispers's Avatar
 
Status: Ph.D in Stupid Ideas
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: 34.6203, -86.5677
Age: 28
Posts: 138



Default

I would say yes, at least in some part. But others' mileages may vary, I was a latch-key kid living on military bases, my parents both worked late and I would walk home and stay home alone for a good five hours a day. Since it's generally very safe on base, my parents weren't protective at all and gave me free reign of the neighbourhood. So overprotectiveness wasn't the cause of mine.
Lokis Whispers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 09:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
GD8
 
GD8's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Posts: 1,748



Default

seems possible, I pretty much did whatever I wanted though so it's definitely not the cause of my SA
GD8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 11:51 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
sliplikespace's Avatar
 
Status: Forget the horror here
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Posts: 154



Default

I'm not going to place all of the blame on my mom but her overprotective parenting was probably a part of it. That isn't to say there aren't other reasons though.
__________________
Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that
my Last.fm
PSN: haveabloodmuffin XBL: ifoundaletter
sliplikespace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 12:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
jim11's Avatar
 
Status: SOS Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In front of my computer
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,101



Default

Yes, my parents are very overprotective and I think it contributes to my SA
jim11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 01:18 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Posts: 30



Default

I think you should just go by yourself if you want to. Why do you say "my parents won't let me go"? how are they stopping you? maybe you think it's too much trouble to go against them?

I was in a similar situation, where my parents wouldn't allow me to go out, I had to come straight home after school and study, couldn't go to peoples' houses, and I had to budget the amount of times I go out. My mom always nagged about which guys I talked to even if it's a small friendly chat, to the point where I stopped contact with guys just to avoid her. My dad had access to all my accounts and passwords etc... it was very stressful. I eventually cracked under pressure and really blew up at them in college.

The thing is to realize that your parents will adjust their behaviors if you put your foot down. To some extent, I thought that I was being a good child by not throwing a huge fuss like some other kids... I thought I was being considerate... but it was more like spoiling my parents and allowing them to continue doing whatever they want. I was also anxious about what my parents will do or feel if I don't agree to go along with their demands, but really they could do nothing in the end. Yes, there was a period of yelling, threatening, etc... but they eventually realized that I'm not gonna budge, and had to accept that. Having my own money and choosing to live on my own also helped in the process.

Now, I assume your parents were like mine, and they nag a lot and argue with you forever until you cave... but seriously just ignore them and don't budge your position. It's a lot of work to break away at first. Yes, they are good parents, but you need room to grow, and you don't need to consult/notify them for everything now that you're an adult. Believe in yourself and that you can make the right decisions.
Rivermark is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 05:39 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
mbg1411's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Afghanistan
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 63



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wxolue View Post
I would suggest not listening to them anymore. At age 24 you should be able to make your own decisions. If you want to go to Chicago, go. If you think they held you back in the past and thus caused your SA, don't let them keep doing it now.
Exactly what this person said. Your a grown woman now who is more than capable of making your own decisions. You shouldn't let them continue stopping you from doing what you wanna do.
mbg1411 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 08:35 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
InfiniteBlaze's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Posts: 10,679



Default

I believe it merely exacerbates the problem instead of causing it.
InfiniteBlaze is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 08:50 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
Ohhai's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 1,323



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by InfiniteBlaze View Post
I believe it merely exacerbates the problem instead of causing it.
I believe it's the root of the problem, allowing anxiety to progress through other triggers/means.
__________________
"You got more sickness, than you got cures of."
~Charles Milles Manson

"There have been times when only a hair's-breadth has intervened betwixt myself and the seething devil-ridden world of madness; for the hideous knowledge, the horror- blackened memories which I have carried so long, were never meant to be borne by the human intellect."
~Clark Ashton Smith
Ohhai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 08:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
gaz
 
gaz's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Wales, Uk
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 2,673



Default

Mine were not overprotective as such, but they were too busy with their own issues to care about how i was doing in school and things. All i rememebr is my parents arguing really.

Another thing i was not encoraged to use my own initiative, like when ordering in a restaurant i was too shy to do it so my parents did it for me. I think this was unhealthy.
gaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 08:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16



Default

My mother had extreme anxiety issues. I think some of it was passed down to me.. it just manifests in SA. Also, she was religious.. I would actually have a girlfriend had she not been so set against it lol.
Lukoi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 09:29 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Denmark
Gender: Female
Posts: 40



Default

I had an overprotective mother too, it may not be the cause of my SA but certainly contributed to make me feel helpless in some social situations. I always showed that I wanted more independence, and managed to go to more birthday parties and had more freedom when becoming a teenager than my older brother had, but I remember some events that now seem totally over the top, like when she got pretty upset when my best friend's parents suggested that I could stay overnight at their house (I was 8 or 9).

I now realize that she has probably been going through the same problem, as she rarely wants to get out of the house if not strictly necessary and always seemed worried when having to make phonecalls and in conversations with other parents when waiting for me at the school.

For me it has helped quite a lot to move out and far away. When I left, I didn't ask my parents permission. I told them that I would be leaving for another country, and that maybe it would be a long-term stay. I think that seeing that everything was already planned prevented them from saying it was a stupid idea and they had to accept it. Now I talk with them on the phone every 3 weeks and visit them once or twice a year, and that suits me better. I love my parents but unfortunately I feel that they are not the best influence for my personal development.

You have an education, a job, you deserve to have your own life and to enjoy it! They will grow used to you being independent, even if it's painful at the beginning. And maybe it will make them reflect upon their own way of living, for the better.
Purplesnail is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 09:32 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
iloverum's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: England
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 331



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gaz View Post
Mine were not overprotective as such, but they were too busy with their own issues to care about how i was doing in school and things. All i rememebr is my parents arguing really.

Another thing i was not encoraged to use my own initiative, like when ordering in a restaurant i was too shy to do it so my parents did it for me. I think this was unhealthy.
same here, it saps your motivation let alone confidence to always have someone there to do it for you, although my mother was very ill for alot of my childhood so i can understand her wanting to be there for me now, really i have good parents but i can see now in hindsight being domineering over me has made me lazy and dependent, look at modern Britain its an endemic problem really, i hate it this way and i agree at 25 its within me to not be like this, but year after year of the same over and over, you can't judge anyone till you've been in their shoes.
__________________
While tyrants oppress i must still be their slave,
and cruelly used, tho'well i behave,
midst swearing and grieving my days i must spend,
in sorrow and anguish my days i must end.
iloverum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 11:29 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
Freiheit's Avatar
 
Status: o_O
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Posts: 5,408



Default

It think it can make SA worse and hinders progress. My dad is controlling and opinionated and wouldn't let me go to parties or even go out much because he's afraid of people corrupting me and the like. All I know is that the second I get a steady full time job, and a car, I'm moving out completely so I can make my own choices and not be "guilt tripped" about them.
Freiheit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 02:20 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Tonopah, Nevada
Gender: Female
Posts: 434



Default

Yes
Event Horizon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 03:00 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: California USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 30



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ForAllTime View Post
Do you think my parents' overprotectiveness is to blame (at least in part) for my social awkwardness/anxiety? Does anyone else have parents like this? What do I do??
Underline MY, and you may be correct, i know that that this was nit the case with me though.
my parents always let me f**k up. and thats how i started avoiding people is from those mess ups. i avoided people that beat me down(physicaly and mentaly) and then i started avoiding the risk of it happening, and i have only recently been trying to undo what has been builtup since second grade.
SeekerFinder is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
can this lead social anxiety?- advice please..kinda long intro cookiecake Coping With Social Anxiety 1 02-28-2011 09:25 AM
can this lead social anxiety?- advice please..kinda long intro cookiecake Coping With Social Anxiety 0 02-27-2011 09:44 PM
Obsessive thoughts lead to social anxiety? anxiousdude Coping With Social Anxiety 0 01-13-2009 06:25 PM
Overprotective parents.... alex989 Relationships 11 10-17-2007 06:15 PM
Help-Parents are WAY overprotective. GreyCloud General Discussion 4 07-10-2007 05:10 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:03 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.