Detachment...

[ironheart]

First up I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say so the title of the thread may be misleading for which I apologize in advance.

When I contemplate the things that serve to motivate people - excellence, happiness, acquistion, discovery, betterment, companionship - they all reach me as thoroughly abstract concepts that I am unable to reconcile with my own personal vision of reality.

This wasn't always the case though. For a significent chunk of my adult life SA and the associated issues made the aspirations mentioned above into sources of longing and, ultimately, frustration and discontent. But now though, it's as if my subconcious has written these things off and I am left in a peculiar state of limbo.

Obviously this has some advantages, mainly that I'm not constantly bouyed with feelings of self recrimination over having underacheived, but the negative consequence is that I just can't find a concrete reason to get out of bed every day and meet the world head on. Everything, including even, the prospect of talking and thinking fills me with an insidious apathy.

Why I am sharing this with members of this site, and indeed why anybody would want to read it, remains a mystery. I guess in a vague sort of way I'm curious to know if anyone else has reached a similar state of being and if so, does it last indefinately?

[rachelynn]

I often think that I don't know how people can be so into life.

Like the title "detachment" I think that's how I feel.

For me it's as if it doesn't matter anymore, even though it may have before. I just don't care.

I sometimes think I am just sometimes apathetic or something. I of course can find some joy in little things in my daily life, but everything, on a bigger picture, to me it just doesn't matter. Im just surviving each day as it comes.

"they all reach me as thoroughly abstract concepts that I am unable to reconcile with my own personal vision of reality"

I think that's how I've been trying to describe things!

[ironheart]

Do you think that the apathy is a result of SA grinding you down or do you think you would probably feel the same about life in general regardless?

[sadfox]

i get up go out to get food come home eat food sleep play games watch tv i am totally detached from the world i have as little contact with people as possible because being in contact with others always makes me uncomfortable and anxious and the only way to stop that is to be on my own

[ironheart]

Originally Posted by sadfox

i get up go out to get food come home eat food sleep play games watch tv i am totally detached from the world i have as little contact with people as possible because being in contact with others always makes me uncomfortable and anxious and the only way to stop that is to be on my own

Do you think there is anything that can be done to change this Sadfox, or has it reached the point where you've accepted that this is just the way the cookie crumbles?

[MisterJ25]

Originally Posted by sadfox

i get up go out to get food come home eat food sleep play games watch tv i am totally detached from the world i have as little contact with people as possible because being in contact with others always makes me uncomfortable and anxious and the only way to stop that is to be on my own

Yeah, I can relate to this so much. I swear I am so detached from reality, school, work, life, close relationships. Everyone in my family have basically just become annoying characters in the pathetic sitcom that is my daily life (and everyday seems like a re-run). I no longer really long to date anyone or have close friends. I don't have the energy to deal with them. When I was young like 19 or 20 I had the energy and blind optimism to want to at least want to have the courage to go out and do the things you always wanted to do in high school, but now I don't even want to do those things anymore. After work I just want to come home and play a game or watch a movie, and maybe smoke a little to ease my nerves. This isn't very good with still being a student in college and living at home at the age of 25. I need to step it up because my biggest fear in life is to forever be alone and be a poor failure that has a lot of regrets in life.

[LaRibbon]

This wasn't always the case though. For a significent chunk of my adult life SA and the associated issues made the aspirations mentioned above into sources of longing and, ultimately, frustration and discontent. But now though, it's as if my subconcious has written these things off and I am left in a peculiar state of limbo.

Yes, actually. I got to this point after I realised and ACCEPTED, that I am not meant to have the things in life that most people take for granted. I've pretty much accepted what my life has become, (after a long battle). And I think the only way you can accept your life the way it is, is by becoming detached from it. And the price you pay for being detached from everything, is that, you have no energy for life. But at least I don't suffer nearly as much as I used to. I'm not sure if accepting everything the way it is good or bad..

[ironheart]

Originally Posted by LaRibbon

Yes, actually. I got to this point after I realised and ACCEPTED, that I am not meant to have the things in life that most people take for granted. I've pretty much accepted what my life has become, (after a long battle). And I think the only way you can accept your life the way it is, is by becoming detached from it. And the price you pay for being detached from everything, is that, you have no energy for life. But at least I don't suffer nearly as much as I used to. I'm not sure if accepting everything the way it is good or bad..

I must admit that my initial reaction was to try and somehow assure you that your situation is not beyond alteration, which actually means that an instinctive part of me is still quite averse to the idea of succumbing to 'acceptance'.
Once the figurative 'vessel of dreams' has drifted off into the horizon though, is there really any point watching the sun set in it's wake?

[VIncymon]

Sometimes I geta feeling of apathy to the whole idea of relationships. Heck I constantly fantasize about being able to leave the country, leave everybody I know ,and monitor their reactions.

I know its a selfish fantasy .. but such is the fantasy of the lonely man. You don't feel your female- "friends" are taking you seriously .. so you sometimes wish you could just disappear, and then see how they will react.

[leonardess]

I am feeling this way somewhat at the moment.

I think what has brought this about in me is having felt emotional pain for a protracted period of time. I am sick of feeling it, so i've shut down. Unfortunately, it seems impossible to shut down just one part of oneself - everything goes. I think this may be what is called a low-grade depression, a constant feeling of deadening, a flatness.

I'm told and have read that the "cure" for this is to do those things which one feels least like doing. So, it's easy to understand why so many succumb to the numbness.

Well, that's just my take on what you're talking about. I find these things are sometimes not what they seem.