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Old 05-01-2008, 03:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Depressed by "overnight" aging

Hi - I can't seem to deal with anything, I swear. I just can't accept the aging process that has really been rearing its ugly head on me within the last year. And there seems to have been several changes that have happened just over the past several weeks. What in the heck is going on? Lately, things seem to have accelerated at an unnatural pace.

I'm not ready for this - at all. I mean, I'm almost 35 years old - but I still have adolescent insecurities (very much so!). Because of s.a. and other issues - I just don't have the mentality to take these undesirable changes in stride. And another thing - I never got to enjoy my youth! I was deprived of "rites of passage" during my teenage years, and my twenties and early-thirties were wiped out by my disabling mental illnesses. I never got to take advantage of my best-looking years. And now what is left of my looks is "drying up" rapidly.

Over the past couple of weeks I've been desperately thinking of ways to retard (and reverse - I can hope...) all of this aging - things like taking in more antioxidants, buying "anti-aging" face creams (that are within my budget). But it seems as though almost every time I look in the mirror - I notice an extra "wrinkle", or just a little more "sagging" - so I'm feeling pretty despondent and helpless....like whatever I do won't help much. I'm just so depressed about this.

I guess another thing that's running through the back of my mind is the possibility (however small) that I will reach a point where I'm finally able to pursue relationships....but guys won't be interested because of my aging, unattractive looks. Society is relatively unforgiving of aging women - women who are considered "past their prime"...and I very much feel that pressure. I mean, look at what is happening in Russia, for starters - Putin (allegedly) dumping his aging wife for some young, flexible tart...

It's just not fair. Don't I deserve some kind of "mercy" from Mother Nature or something?
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Old 05-01-2008, 04:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

I made a mistake of putting on 10-20 or so extra pounds in my 30s in an attempt to gain more muscle. It didn't even work, I didn't gain muscle from the extra calories. Eventually I learned the right way to gain muscle. But at first the extra fat made me look better I think but eventually gravity starts to work on it and sagging occurs. It totally altered my appearance. It was easy for me to lose most of it but the last 5 pounds or so has proved really difficult and slow. I'm just now starting to see some real results as I continue to get leaner. The point is if one wants to look good when they are older you have to be pretty lean. Not anorexic looking of course. Also sun tanning causes the wrinkles, not really aging.

I think society is easier on aging guys who are rich,powerful or famous not us average guys.
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Old 05-01-2008, 04:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

I started seeing signs of aging when i was 27. It was weird seeing it seemingly out of nowhere. Prior to that i always had this youthful plumpness/roundness - there was nothing that even remotely spoke of aging on my face. I now have a few fine lines developing and from them i can see the path being worn where wrinkles will eventually develop. This severness has started to show on my face - this angular shapness has crept onto it that i don't like.
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Old 05-01-2008, 08:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

You're at the age where it starts to happen.
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Old 05-01-2008, 05:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

That French guy Sarkozy or something - you know - the president of France threw over his 50 year-old attractive wife for Carla Bruni; now this Putin guy - what do you expect - they are not exactly the nicest of people and I couldn't imagine wanting to end up with either of them (ugh!!!!!! can't find the vomit sign :0)
Anyway I'd like to say to you Kintrovert that we can't define ourselves by what we think men want. You get older - I freaked out at 44 - well I started noticing trouble areas at 40 moreso than usual - I've had to come to terms with it all somehow and it is painful.
I think just with presenting yourself well you're fine just as you are - maybe more attractive than you think of yourself. If someone doesn't want you for who you are then stuff them!! I've had enough too and you can mould yourself into all sorts of shapes for other people but ultimately you have to be happy with yourself and what you're doing in life. Did you ever think of whether you like them or not? That's a good starting point. Sorry for going on but I've had a gutful of the way the world is and I'm telling you you're good enough - even if you think you're not!
Also I just remembered - it's not good for a woman to get too thin or your face will look drawn and thin also.
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Old 05-01-2008, 08:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

i started to notice my looks going down hill right about the same age as you, it is now three years later and i'm still not used to it. women always think they have it tough when it comes to getting old. try being an older guy who doesn't make alot of money and is on the shy side. this is a deadly combination for a man. it means game over basically.
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Old 05-02-2008, 04:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

Yeah aging sucks, it's just another thing to bum you out, as if there wasn't already enough to start with. Still, my looks were never good in the first place, even when I was 'young', so it's not like I've lost much. It's more the fact that it's a reminder that life is passing me by, and that I'm no better now than I was 10 years ago (possibly worse, in fact).

Mentally I still feel like I'm in my late twenties. Not to say I think like a normal person that age - I'm far too reserved and cynical - but rather I feel like I'm still too immature to be in my 30's.

The other thing that sucks is that time seems to pass much more quickly the older you get. I guess that's because each year becomes a smaller percentage of your life so it just seems to go by quicker. It took a long time to get from 20 to 30. 30-35 has just whizzed by so I hate to image how quickly the next 5 or 10 years will go.
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Old 05-02-2008, 10:51 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

good post blackcap.
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Old 05-02-2008, 11:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

Quote:
Originally Posted by sprinter
I made a mistake of putting on 10-20 or so extra pounds in my 30s in an attempt to gain more muscle. It didn't even work, I didn't gain muscle from the extra calories. Eventually I learned the right way to gain muscle. But at first the extra fat made me look better I think but eventually gravity starts to work on it and sagging occurs. It totally altered my appearance. It was easy for me to lose most of it but the last 5 pounds or so has proved really difficult and slow. I'm just now starting to see some real results as I continue to get leaner. The point is if one wants to look good when they are older you have to be pretty lean. Not anorexic looking of course. Also sun tanning causes the wrinkles, not really aging.

I think society is easier on aging guys who are rich,powerful or famous not us average guys.
Oh, I know about gravity (unfortunately). It can wreck havoc on big-boobed women. For years, I've realized that being so overweight was setting me up for later sagging problems - especially if I ever manage to lose the weight (think of a 43-year-old woman six months after gastric-bypass surgery - sagging boobs, loose skin everywhere, etc.). I was trying to shed the weight a.s.a.p - while my skin was still elastic enough to "bounce back"...but I couldn't lose the weight, and now, it's too late.

From my experience - you don't have to be sun tanning to get wrinkles (or in my case, not necessarily wrinkles {yet} - but loss of elasticity and a dulling of what was already a far-from-perfect complexion). I've never done any tanning. I think emotional/mental stress has played a part in my aging - I've had an extremely difficult year, and I went through several months during which I experienced monstrous amounts of emotional turmoil and stress. The past year has sort-of convinced me that the stress-accelerates-aging thing is not a myth.

And you are probably right that aging rich guys have it easier than aging guys without a big bank account. But I think less-moneyed aging guys have it easier than less-moneyed aging women. A 50-year-old female divorcee has a much greater tendency than 50-year-old male divorcee to be attracted to potential mates around the same age. That 50-year-old female divorcee will consider many men in her age-range to be attractive, appealing dating material - while the 50-year-old male divorcee is much less likely to feel this way about too many women in his age-range. Put yet another way - it is easier for a 50-year-old man in the dating world than it is for a 50-year-old woman.

But I think it helps women to have a lot of money just as it helps out men. A middle-aged woman with $$$$$$ becomes a heck of a lot more attractive to guys.
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Old 05-03-2008, 12:08 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilly
That French guy Sarkozy or something - you know - the president of France threw over his 50 year-old attractive wife for Carla Bruni; now this Putin guy - what do you expect - they are not exactly the nicest of people and I couldn't imagine wanting to end up with either of them (ugh!!!!!! can't find the vomit sign :0)
Anyway I'd like to say to you Kintrovert that we can't define ourselves by what we think men want. You get older - I freaked out at 44 - well I started noticing trouble areas at 40 moreso than usual - I've had to come to terms with it all somehow and it is painful.
I think just with presenting yourself well you're fine just as you are - maybe more attractive than you think of yourself. If someone doesn't want you for who you are then stuff them!! I've had enough too and you can mould yourself into all sorts of shapes for other people but ultimately you have to be happy with yourself and what you're doing in life. Did you ever think of whether you like them or not? That's a good starting point. Sorry for going on but I've had a gutful of the way the world is and I'm telling you you're good enough - even if you think you're not!
Also I just remembered - it's not good for a woman to get too thin or your face will look drawn and thin also.
Yeah - I had heard the headlines about the French *****hole, too. You implied something that's been in the back of my mind - that I really shouldn't be giving these "Men of State" any thought because they aren't the nicest or most scrupulous men....but in leaving their wives for younger women, they aren't behaving that much differently than scores of less famous men who have done this. (But I guess a lot of these guys are jerks, too.) I'll stop at that thought - I don't want to dump too much pessimism on this board.

You definitely have a mature, healthy attitude about all of this - kudos. My emotions and my insecurities seem to always win out over more "reasonable" internalizations such as what you expressed. And perhaps a crucial thing that is preventing me from owning these healthier internalizations is that I never have gotten to live life with less mature "philosophies". I've never, say, gone to a party and exchanged phone-numbers with the "cute" guy who was eyeing me; a guy has never approached me and asked me out; I've never done the "fun" romantic things that teenagers and young-adults do. Perhaps it is necessary (for some people) to actually live out their lives at one stage of development before they really progress to the next stage.

Iím not saying that I want to behave like a 13-year-old girl. But maybe itís difficult for me to maintain a consistently mature perspective on male attention when Iím coming from a state of extreme deprivation of romantic experiences with guys.

And youíre so right about how itís not the best thing for womanís face that she get too thin. But I have 60 to 70 pounds to lose before I even get into the ďnormal weightĒ range Ė if I am ever able to lose this weight, I dread what my face will look like (loose, saggy skin).
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Old 05-03-2008, 12:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

Quote:
Originally Posted by theskyisfalling
i started to notice my looks going down hill right about the same age as you, it is now three years later and i'm still not used to it. women always think they have it tough when it comes to getting old. try being an older guy who doesn't make alot of money and is on the shy side. this is a deadly combination for a man. it means game over basically.
I understand, and I'm not doubting at all that this is the way it is for men in your situation. It's unfortunate and unfair - especially since, in the grand scheme of things, those characteristics are pretty superficial. I mean, a guy can be outgoing and charming, have a lot of money, and be young/handome - but having these traits doesn't automatically make a person a good partner or a good, loving, husband. Often all these traits do is serve to make a "good" impression. O.J. Simpson is (or was) an example of this.

A guy can be relatively-poor, shy, and older/plain - and still be a great friend/lover/husband. I'm pretty certain that there are some cool women out there who realize this, and can get beyond the superficial and appreciate you for all of your good qualities. Keep your head up.
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Old 05-03-2008, 12:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blackcap
Yeah aging sucks, it's just another thing to bum you out, as if there wasn't already enough to start with. Still, my looks were never good in the first place, even when I was 'young', so it's not like I've lost much. It's more the fact that it's a reminder that life is passing me by, and that I'm no better now than I was 10 years ago (possibly worse, in fact).

Mentally I still feel like I'm in my late twenties. Not to say I think like a normal person that age - I'm far too reserved and cynical - but rather I feel like I'm still too immature to be in my 30's.

The other thing that sucks is that time seems to pass much more quickly the older you get. I guess that's because each year becomes a smaller percentage of your life so it just seems to go by quicker. It took a long time to get from 20 to 30. 30-35 has just whizzed by so I hate to image how quickly the next 5 or 10 years will go.
I can intimately relate to every sentence you wrote. I could have written this post (just not as well as you did, though).

I even have an average mental age of about the same as you do (late '20s). Mentally, I'm older than my real age in some areas (such as failing memory, "brain fogginess", "mental decline"), and a lot younger than my age in other areas ("emotional maturity", socially).

I mean, shouldn't our physical looks match our mental ages? Life is utterly cruel when my mind can sometimes operate like a 15-year-old's, while I look like a 47-year-old.

O.k., and I admit that, if I had written your post verbatim - that I may have been downgrading my previous looks a little. I was never a stunner (far from it), but on good days, I guess I could be halfway cute. On good days, I wasn't attractive in an actress or a "Pilar Sanders" type of way (far from it), but I was attractive in a very average way.

You're probably downgrading your previous looks too, and your current looks. (Unfortunately, I'm not downgrading my current looks.)
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Old 05-03-2008, 12:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zephyr
You're at the age where it starts to happen.
You needn't have bothered to write this. I'm not so clueless about what's going on that I would gain anything from a post like this.

And no, it's not that Iím trying to avoid this fact - I'm not sticking my fingers in my ears and kicking and screaming. But this post comes across as trivialization, and as possible veiled contempt.
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Old 05-04-2008, 03:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Depressed by "overnight" aging

i've been aging rapidly lately. i am almost 22 and i have fine lines and and my neck is starting to sag!!!!!!!! my eyes look soooooooo awful and haggard looking because of my horrible sleeping and the medications i take that clog my liver.
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