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Old 03-05-2010, 11:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Depressed about a girl

Hi. I've been heavily depressed for a few days now because I have fallen deeply in love with a girl and I can't stop thinking about her yet I hardly talk to her because I am too shy. She is perfect and the amount of things we share in common are unbelievable. I am depressed because I fear I will not get a chance to become friends with her and I feel really awful when I see her hanging with other guys. I feel like life isn't worth living if I can't get to know her. I've considered telling her or writing her a letter but I don't know what to do. I am very scared she will reject me as I might not be very attractive to her because of my social awkwardness. I feel slightly relieved now that I've told someone about this. Thanks if you read this. What should I do? I just feel like crying.
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Deeply in love? Crush, infatuation, or even obsession would be a better choice to describe this. How can you be deeply in love with this person when you barely know her?

If you're going to tell her how you feel, DON'T tell her you love her.

Good luck(?).
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Old 03-05-2010, 12:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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If you're going to tell her how you feel, DON'T tell her you love her.
2.
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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"Nothing in life really matters, because we're all going to die anyway"

Harsh i know, but this quote kind of puts things like this into perspective. It's all going to come to an end at some point, so you might aswell just go for it. You will have a million other infatuations, if it doesn't work out with this chick, trust me.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nintendo View Post
If you're going to tell her how you feel, DON'T tell her you love her.


This is called the Ted Mosby effect (for those of you who don't watch How I Met Your Mother, it doesn't work). Get to know her a little better before doing anything drastic--heck, she might end up being totally different than what you originally thought.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:24 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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My friend said "I love you" to a girl he wasn't even in a relationship with. They eventually got together and recently broke up after about 5 months. An ..odd relationship to say the least. He regrets saying "I love you" to her. I recommend avoid making the mistake he did
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Old 03-05-2010, 10:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Try talking to her more to get less shy around her. You'll get to know her better that way too.
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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lol whatever you do, do not tell her you love her. that will freak her out and you could get into serious trouble.

if i was you then i would just stay away from her until your thoughts "calm down". nothing good ever comes out of infatuation/obsession. Its just a destructive thing that will only hurt you and should be avoided at all costs.
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:06 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Worried Sick View Post
Hi. I've been heavily depressed for a few days now because I have fallen deeply in love with a girl and I can't stop thinking about her yet I hardly talk to her because I am too shy. She is perfect and the amount of things we share in common are unbelievable. I am depressed because I fear I will not get a chance to become friends with her and I feel really awful when I see her hanging with other guys. I feel like life isn't worth living if I can't get to know her. I've considered telling her or writing her a letter but I don't know what to do. I am very scared she will reject me as I might not be very attractive to her because of my social awkwardness. I feel slightly relieved now that I've told someone about this. Thanks if you read this. What should I do? I just feel like crying.
You have to face the truth man: Girls do not want guys who are socially awkward. You see, girls want a man who is confident, very sociable, and someone who she can be proud of. We, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. This is also the reason why I can never have a girlfriend. I guess we just have to accept the fact that we will be single forever and we will die alone.
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Setolac View Post
You have to face the truth man: Girls do not want guys who are socially awkward. You see, girls want a man who is confident, very sociable, and someone who she can be proud of. We, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. This is also the reason why I can never have a girlfriend. I guess we just have to accept the fact that we will be single forever and we will die alone.
I disagree! A lot of women like introverted guys. If you're shy, the best thing to do is to work on appearing to be the "strong and silent" type... it seems mysterious. Shy doesn't always equate the absence of confidence.
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:26 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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That's just not true. I knew a girl who told me she thought my shyness was cute. She openly flirted with me despite having a boyfriend! She was a good looking girl too, long-brown hair, angelic face. If anything it was shynes like yours that prevented me from seeing how much she liked me. Some girls find shyness endearing. Even on this level, analyzing relationships let alone true love I think shyness can be an awesome thing, just have to find the right person.
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:28 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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^ I also know a lot of girls who like shy guys. :-)
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Old 03-07-2010, 02:14 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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But introducing yourself to this girl and maybe just saying hi may well be a good idea. So long as you're friendly and respectful towards her whilst just being yourself, you can't go wrong.

Sure, the worst thing that could happen if you got to know this girl or talked to this girl is to find out she's not interested in getting to know you and that's not too bad a thing. If you want to get to know her, go talk to her.
Nicely, said.
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Old 03-07-2010, 02:18 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Take baby steps. Don't just go up to her one day and ask her on a date. Start out by just asking a simple question such as "Hey, do you have a pencil I could borrow?". Talk to her a little bit more each week and get to know her better.
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Thanks for the replies. I'm going to try and talk to her about something trivial like some of you suggested. I feel a bit better now. Thanks.
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:32 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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You haven't really mentioned how long you know this girl or how often you've spoken to her and spent time with her so I can't really say much. Are you able to answer this?

What I will say is this. I know someone who had met a girl at his cousin's 21st party and after about 2 weeks he told the girl that he was falling in love with her, Well 3 years later they are engaged to be married.

You need to think rationally and play your cards right. Just talk to her, get to know her. Infatuation/obsession is bad news.

I'm in a similar predicament actually. I met this girl last xmas so have only known her for just over 2 months. We've been out about 5 times for coffee, lunch, beach, movies etc. I made the mistake of telling her after a few weeks that I was fascinated by her and she said that we shouldn't talk for a while because she didn't want to lead me on. She said she didn't want to stop contact and I told her I still want to be friends.

She's from Brazil and will be leaving Australia in about 4 months and having been in several relationships in my life I am definately wanting to get to know her better and see where it leads. I want to see her more often but I can understand her position as her whole life is in another country.

Even though I have been in love and long term relationships in the past I am trying to decipher whether these feelings I have is infatuation or real. I know for a fact she doesn't feel the same way or otherwise we'd be seeing eachother more often and of course been physically closer towards eachother than just friends.
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Old 03-09-2010, 08:07 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Makaveli View Post
You haven't really mentioned how long you know this girl or how often you've spoken to her and spent time with her so I can't really say much. Are you able to answer this?

What I will say is this. I know someone who had met a girl at his cousin's 21st party and after about 2 weeks he told the girl that he was falling in love with her, Well 3 years later they are engaged to be married.

You need to think rationally and play your cards right. Just talk to her, get to know her. Infatuation/obsession is bad news.

I'm in a similar predicament actually. I met this girl last xmas so have only known her for just over 2 months. We've been out about 5 times for coffee, lunch, beach, movies etc. I made the mistake of telling her after a few weeks that I was fascinated by her and she said that we shouldn't talk for a while because she didn't want to lead me on. She said she didn't want to stop contact and I told her I still want to be friends.

She's from Brazil and will be leaving Australia in about 4 months and having been in several relationships in my life I am definately wanting to get to know her better and see where it leads. I want to see her more often but I can understand her position as her whole life is in another country.

Even though I have been in love and long term relationships in the past I am trying to decipher whether these feelings I have is infatuation or real. I know for a fact she doesn't feel the same way or otherwise we'd be seeing eachother more often and of course been physically closer towards eachother than just friends.
I've known her for nearlly 2 years but rarely talk to her. I see her evey week day though.
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Old 03-09-2010, 09:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Setolac View Post
You have to face the truth man: Girls do not want guys who are socially awkward. You see, girls want a man who is confident, very sociable, and someone who she can be proud of. We, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. This is also the reason why I can never have a girlfriend. I guess we just have to accept the fact that we will be single forever and we will die alone.
This is the truth. These people talking about girls going for shy guys is only if the guy looks like a movie star. If you don't look like a million bucks and you're shy, you don't have a chance.

Might as well accept it and go from there. Life shouldn't have to completely suck just because other people don't want to join you in it.
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Old 03-09-2010, 09:31 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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My ex was shy, had SA, was NOT a movie star looking guy, was awkward and in 47 years had never even had a REAL kiss by a woman. He had never held hands intimately or hugged in a relationship way. Yet I fell so completely head over heels in love with him that it still aches when I think of never being a part of his life.

His thoughts about himself and his life and his perceptions eventually destroyed us as he would push me away further and further until he finally just broke up with me because 'being in a relationship was too hard for him' and 'he couldn't get used to the affection I wanted to share with him.'

We were together for a year... 6 months of absolute heaven before he started to give up and stop trying or fighting for us and stopped communicating with me. We have been broken up now for a year and we still email, I still love him from the depth of my soul and with all of my heart... but I can't force him to be ok, I can't fix him and if he can't be with me and would rather be alone then I have to step back and let that be where he is.

But don't generalize and tell me that awkward, shy guys with SA are doomed to be alone because a woman will never find them attractive. More likely they will sabotage themselves out of fear and self-loathing and give up on the one who will love them.
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Old 03-09-2010, 09:54 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Talk to her and express to her that you would love to get to know her better. From own experience I can tell you that it is not right to remain silent. Approach her in a decent manner and see what she has to say. Good luck!
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