Dealing with Parents Fighting

[ZachAttack]

*Sigh*

My parents have been fighting a lot lately. Basically, what it boils down to is that my dad is just being an ***. He likes to play mind games with people, and he often will say something truly, deeply, offensive and then pretend that he never said it. For a while, he did this strictly to my mom. It got to the point where she thought that she was crazy, but then my grandma (her mother) visited us and pointed all of this out to her. I was very little at the time, perhaps 1st grade or so, and didn't know much about what was going on.

Nowadays, however, he has decided to target not just my mom, but me. He has said some really nasty things and then tried to pretend as if he never said them. He calls me a liar, but then lies day in and day out about everything, from where he's been to what he's been doing. He shows no interest in anyone other than to target them. However, he professes to be a Christian of the highest order, a man of true virtue. In his world, he is a great father, an excellent worker, and above all else, a devoted servant of the Lord. The reality is that he is a hypocrite of the highest order. His computer is flooded with porn. He spends no time with his family; in fact, he often claims to be "working" so that he gets out of spending any time with us. He swears quite often, and quite often at others. He makes all kinds of false accusations. His saving grace is that he provides for us.

So, now that I've given a bit of a backstory, let's go to about a week ago. My mom is registered at Class Mates.com. No big deal. Well, she sends an email to various classmates of hers, and one of them just so happens to be a male. The same email is sent to all of them, with minor edits (such as changing the names). They are mostly cut and pasted. Well, our hero takes this to mean that my mom is cheating on him. That she has broken all of her wedding vows and he considers their marriage null and void. After much yelling and profanity, he finally tires and goes to bed. The rest of us are left to pick up the pieces, wondering how in the hell he could be so twisted as to think this could be evidence of cheating.

So, yesterday, my mom confronts him. During the confrontation, my dad says some rather interesting things. For example, he says that he never accused her of cheating, only lying. He says that my mother is "intellectually unstimulating," and a few other rather demeaning phrases. The bottom line of all of that is that she is worthless, save for her body. In fact, it appears that he is demanding that she become some sort of sex slave to him in order to have the privilege of staying his wife. Perhaps the most interesting thing he says is that he "overplayed his hand." He still wants a divorce, but the hand reference leads me to believe that he just doesn't like us, that he wants to get away from us, and that he will use anything at all to get out.

The situation is bad, but I'm sure some of you have gone through much worse. Any words of wisdom? How can I deal with my father? Pointing out his lies has not helped; there is no evidence. Though I would love to record him saying these awful things, he says them randomly. There is no warning. He just explodes, we all wonder what happened, and then he informs us nothing happened, that we are crazy, or liars. Or both.

[DanCilley]

You're nineteen, which is old enough to be out on your own.

You can completely change your surroundings so that you are no longer subject to this toxicity. You can create a positive, healthy environment for yourself.

Good luck.

[Secludee]

It sounds like he is suffering from a form of disorder similar to bi-polar. Seeing as how he tends consider himself better than everyone else and all, but again there has been no hint of sudden depression from what I've read so BP might not be the case. Perhaps a testosterone increase plays a part in his abhorrent behavior? Maybe he is just anxious of something and uses aggression to cover up his anxiety.

I dunno there are many possibilities, I mean people aren't born to be a-holes so obviously there is a reason for his behavior. So what I would do for starters is get myself away from the all fighting and then try to help out in ways possible. Maybe do some research on mental disorders to see if I could identify his root problem. And that's about all I would be able to do I'm afraid. However, I got a feeling YOU might find a better way. Good luck.