Social Anxiety Support

secretlyshecries · 11-04-2009, 03:08 PM

Pardon this long-ish ramble.

I don't know how I'll ever have a real job when at the place I'm currently doing work for the dole, I keep taking days off. When I ring and say I can't go in, they never ask why, but I think at least a couple of them know I have 'anxiety problems' because that's what I told my consultant at the job service place I go to, and those people and the ones I work for talk to each other and yeah, I'm pretty sure the ones I work for, or at least the manager, knows because he is overly nice to me, asking how I am a million times a day and yet our exchanges are sort of awkward like he doesn't know how he's meant to act around me. I know that is probably better than having people who don't understand and interrogate me on why I take so many days off. What I'm not looking forward to is getting sick for real and having to take a day or two off. It'll be like I was crying wolf all the other times.

This morning I was all ready to go in to work. I usually hitch a ride with my mum in the morning when she's going to work, then I just have to walk down the road a bit to get to my work. The only problem with this is, I often end up being too early so I have to walk around a little while and just sort of dawdle (then I'll usually end up being late anyway for some reason). So occasionally I'll just walk to work from my house, which takes about 20-30 minutes and I don't really mind the walk at all.. it's just that I walk past more people this way and have longer to feel bad about myself.. for example, I have this way of just thinking that I'm really hideous and that everyone who sees me will think the same thing, even when I know I look reasonably okay. I think I just beat myself up over what I've worn or what my hair looks like. Sounds dumb I guess, but anyway.

Today I was trying to force myself to go. I mean for god's sake, I only have to go in three days a week for about four hours (per day). It's not that much. And yet lately I've been having at least one of those days off. I made it about quarter of the way there, if that. Then I started feeling incredibly panicky, so I went up a different road and basically walked up a quiet road to get home. Then I rang them up and said I couldn't make it, blah blah blah.

My sister is home at the moment and I just told her a lie I've used in the past-- that they didn't 'need me' at the shop (lol like they have so many volunteers I'm useless to them some days or something). She seemed to accept this and then asked if I wanted to come with her to a certain shop where they're having a big sale. I feel kind of like just hiding today but I said yes anyway because I think I'd feel worse if I said no. Hopefully I can calm down a bit though, I still feel sort of shakey.

11-04-2009, 03:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
secretlyshecries Status: In hiding Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Australia, hiding under a rock somewhere Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 569	Constantly faking sickies Pardon this long-ish ramble. I don't know how I'll ever have a real job when at the place I'm currently doing work for the dole, I keep taking days off. When I ring and say I can't go in, they never ask why, but I think at least a couple of them know I have 'anxiety problems' because that's what I told my consultant at the job service place I go to, and those people and the ones I work for talk to each other and yeah, I'm pretty sure the ones I work for, or at least the manager, knows because he is overly nice to me, asking how I am a million times a day and yet our exchanges are sort of awkward like he doesn't know how he's meant to act around me. I know that is probably better than having people who don't understand and interrogate me on why I take so many days off. What I'm not looking forward to is getting sick for real and having to take a day or two off. It'll be like I was crying wolf all the other times. This morning I was all ready to go in to work. I usually hitch a ride with my mum in the morning when she's going to work, then I just have to walk down the road a bit to get to my work. The only problem with this is, I often end up being too early so I have to walk around a little while and just sort of dawdle (then I'll usually end up being late anyway for some reason). So occasionally I'll just walk to work from my house, which takes about 20-30 minutes and I don't really mind the walk at all.. it's just that I walk past more people this way and have longer to feel bad about myself.. for example, I have this way of just thinking that I'm really hideous and that everyone who sees me will think the same thing, even when I know I look reasonably okay. I think I just beat myself up over what I've worn or what my hair looks like. Sounds dumb I guess, but anyway. Today I was trying to force myself to go. I mean for god's sake, I only have to go in three days a week for about four hours (per day). It's not that much. And yet lately I've been having at least one of those days off. I made it about quarter of the way there, if that. Then I started feeling incredibly panicky, so I went up a different road and basically walked up a quiet road to get home. Then I rang them up and said I couldn't make it, blah blah blah. My sister is home at the moment and I just told her a lie I've used in the past-- that they didn't 'need me' at the shop (lol like they have so many volunteers I'm useless to them some days or something). She seemed to accept this and then asked if I wanted to come with her to a certain shop where they're having a big sale. I feel kind of like just hiding today but I said yes anyway because I think I'd feel worse if I said no. Hopefully I can calm down a bit though, I still feel sort of shakey.