Constant regret and over-analyzation - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 08:10 PM Thread Starter
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Constant regret and over-analyzation

Whenever I'm in a social situation, I find myself completely over-analyzing the other person's actions and feeling like I've made a fool out of myself. Even something as simple as saying, "Hello", leads me to feeling as if I've done something wrong and gets me all down. It's not all negative, either. Sometimes I find myself thinking a girl likes me for some irrational reason, which doesn't set me up very well when I soon realize she doesn't. This constant inconsistency of emotions really takes a toll and it's very frustrating. It never stops and I just want to be free. I just want to be confident and sure of myself, so this constant hammering of emotions can end. I don't expect never to have a particularly bad or good day, but I think being so vulnerable that a simple, missaid "hello" can slam me into depression is ridiculous. Does anyone else ever experience this?

When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness tells you you've sinned.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-11-2007, 09:45 PM
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re: Constant regret and over-analyzation

Yes, even a simple thing I said like "I'm leaving or I'm happy" could be repeated in my mind again and again, and sometimes could continue to haunt me for weeks and make me depressed.

Any cure for that? How can we overcome this "consistent inconsistency"?

It does however give us some benefits. I could remember many events that happened many many years ago in detail- who said what, who started them etc.
Yes, we know whether girls love us or not well in advance, not because we can read minds but because we can analyse their behaviour.
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-12-2007, 07:47 PM
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re: Constant regret and over-analyzation

I know exactly what you're talking about. That type of thinking is enough to drive anyone insane. We tend to believe that if we just think about things enough we'll have the situation solved or we'll eventually feel better or or or... But whatever we want never happens--it just makes us feel worse, and we end up thinking ourselves to death.

There's really nothing you can say to yourself to make it go away. Thinking more thoughts just leads to more analyzing. The only thing I know of that helps is to just block that type of thinking out. Everytime you find yourself over-analyzing something, try to distract yourself, whether it's by drawing your attention elsewhere or by engaging yourself in some interesting activity that doesn't allow idle thought. It might feel uncomfortable distracting yourself at first, but try to stick to it as best you can.

Of course, it's easier said than done, and sometimes you over-analyze about things for hours and hours before you even realize you're over-analyzing. But when you do become aware of what you're doing, try to shut it out. I call it "shutting down my mind."

And betterfuture is right. If you learn to channel this type of thinking in the right direction, it can do you a lot of good.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-12-2007, 11:49 PM
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Yes. Sometimes I'll spend an hour replaying the interaction, analyzing what I said, what s/he said, and then think of all the things I SHOULD have said, which eventually leaves me depressed.

I'm not who I have in memory
Nor who is in me now.
If I think, I self-dismember.
If I believe, there is no end.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-25-2007, 07:17 PM
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re: Constant regret and over-analyzation

Yes i am an over-analyzer. Many social situations I will rerun over and over in my mind looking at the details and how I was and theyre facial expressions even to the point of imagining them in their position in the room looking at me. Little things will bug me like slight deviations in my voice when i say hi or any little word or sentence. I do this around specific people, the ones i wish i can have a connection with but have never really even had.

"Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes."
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-13-2012, 01:29 PM
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I was once told by a very wise man, "Your thoughts are brutal" He also told me that "What other people think about you is none of your god damn business." If you really think about this, you can start the process of emancipating yourself from this mental slavery. Only when you are at ease with your identity can you live a happy(relatively) life. Our emotions are completely normal, hence it is normal to have doubts about your actions/words. But when you are comfortable with yourself and when you free yourself from the fear of being disliked or judged, you will speak from the heart and what you say and do will be meaningful. It's kind of ironic--when the stress of the worrying disappears, what you say will come out more confident and you will not need to worry about it. I still struggle with it daily but i am much more comfortable now than i was a few years ago in high school.

Another key aspect of this is being 100% honest with yourself. "to thine own self be true." Real recognize real. In layman's terms, if you are completely real with yourself and everyone around you, people will respect that. Private message me if you are still having problems, I'd love to shed some more light. Life goes on man, you live and learn, you really do make your own situation positive or negative by the way you react. Take care everyone, just my two cents! Take it or leave it.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-13-2012, 01:35 PM
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Some more advice i can give to you is to talk to someone person to person about your problems. Bottling in the emotions will have horrid consequences in the long term. Also, find some hobbies, be it new or old. We all have vices--some people excercise, run, work out, play sports. Others drink alcohol and use drugs. We choose which mediums we'd like to use to free ourselves from the stress of our day to day life. I used drugs in high school to mask the pain. It magnified my stress by 100, and while i grew mentally and physically, I was at a halt emotionally. I would not recommend drug use, except maybe marijuana every once and a while--if you can handle it. It does have the ability to CAUSE stress for some people, especially those with a stress disorder already. But it also has amazing medicinal benefits. I am an advocate of marijuana legalization, but that's neither here nor there! Politics have no place in healthcare.

Personally, i like to run--it gives me the high that i used to seek through drugs. I also read a lot and have sex often(we all have needs!) Don't be scared to be open about your emotions, i.e. if you're feeling depressed, while it is a completely normal state of mind, talk to someone about it. Therapists do help if you let them!
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-13-2012, 02:32 PM
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I'm like that too. Even simply returning a "hi" to someone passing in the hallway leads me to analyzing if I said "hi" cool enough and if my facial expressions were normal. Then other times, I'm like in auto-pilot mode and I might even say a few things to someone and not realize how the words even came to mind for me to socialize like a normal person. Those are my best moments. The moments that I feel like a normal socializer and that maybe I'm becoming "normal".

But other than that, I actually had an awkward moment today with some guy that I was asking a question to at work as I was standing in his cubicle. I didn't know quite how to close off the conversation and exit his cubicle, so there was a weird moment of silence from me and then I said something stupid like, "I'm sure I'll be asking more questions again". Then I walked away feeling like a weird idiot.
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-13-2012, 02:34 PM
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right before clicking refrech and seeing this thread I was off over analyzing and thinking about regrets in my mind.
Its like OCD. A bitter sweet fantasy thinking of how different things could be.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-13-2012, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thekloWN View Post
Whenever I'm in a social situation, I find myself completely over-analyzing the other person's actions and feeling like I've made a fool out of myself. Even something as simple as saying, "Hello", leads me to feeling as if I've done something wrong and gets me all down. It's not all negative, either. Sometimes I find myself thinking a girl likes me for some irrational reason, which doesn't set me up very well when I soon realize she doesn't. This constant inconsistency of emotions really takes a toll and it's very frustrating. It never stops and I just want to be free. I just want to be confident and sure of myself, so this constant hammering of emotions can end. I don't expect never to have a particularly bad or good day, but I think being so vulnerable that a simple, missaid "hello" can slam me into depression is ridiculous. Does anyone else ever experience this?
I know exactly how you feel, it gets extremely annoying. The smallest of things can make me obsess over it for hours or days on end. Even though I know its just irrational thoughts, I still find myself obsessing over it.
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-13-2012, 03:50 PM Thread Starter
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Haha. This is such an old thread. I think this was one of my first posts. Still rings true to some extent, though.

When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness tells you you've sinned.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-19-2012, 11:52 PM
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This is REAL

What most people have to realize when your are so analytical is that you have a brain that just has to to get a grip on things; hence the over-analyzation. Its because your brain is so (being real here) powerful, that when you cant be right with it, you rethink it. Its like NOTORIOUS said, your not comfortable with yourself and therefore you keep feeling whether or not what you did was the right reaction. What you simply have to realize is that what you do is exactly what makes you...you! and in itself is therefore acceptable whether society or people in general think so. If they think you are being weird (which is what your thinking) they themselves are being unacceptable to human kind; which in itself in illogical and actually cruel.

For all those who don't accept that, consider this. Why does everyone seem to fit, but you dont? Its because they don't have a brain that thinks overtime. They think simply about simple things on a simple land (in their world) so it keeps them content because they're not able to see(or care not to which is mostly the case) and feel and think what you can. So as it properly stands, be happy about who you are because, you're feeling, thinking, doing what really doesn't even occur to them. When you get real with yourself (AND DONT BE PRIDEFUL!) you'll see how you actually have to, in many situations, bow down to them to have them stay friends because you realize so much at every given moment than they do. ****With much power comes much responsibility.**** Believe it, accept it, and enjoy it. You are all obviously smart people. Your brain is just needing a little ground is all. I hope youve understood! *SMILEY FACE*

Find very stimulating pastimes, you NEED it. You guys know what you love. DO it.
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-20-2012, 04:32 PM
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I over- analyze people and things ALL THE TIME. I just can't stop. I don't know people's intentions and i can't trust people. I re- play situations with people at my college when i come home. I do it for hours and hours and think about what i could have said better or help myself.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-20-2012, 04:55 PM
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Yes that is exactly me. I over-analyze people's reactions/responses, and get depressed over how stupid I must have sounded. I replay situations over again until I just try to forget...
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-20-2012, 06:11 PM
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All the time!!! After almost every social interaction, I feel a ton of shame and fear that I said everything wrong - and especially when I meet new people, I fear that I made a horrible first impression.
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-20-2012, 08:25 PM
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Me too.. it really eats away at me inside so I try my best to let it go, but it's not easy.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-20-2012, 09:45 PM
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I am still thinking about what I said at dinner 2 weeks ago
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-20-2012, 11:01 PM
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I experience it almost everyday.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-21-2012, 05:57 AM
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I dont feel depressed after social interactions, i feel anxious, like i have a minor panic attack when i get home, doesn't matter how the social event went. Last friday i went out with some mates and had a great night, got home around 1am, couldn't sleep till 5am because i was going over things on where i might have went wrong or done things better.


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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-21-2012, 08:42 AM
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Wow. I can't believe I only got into this website now.

I wish I could just stop myself from obsessing over these stuff that other people could prolly shrug off in a second. These actions I do in social interactions just keep replaying in my mind over and over again. I want to change them or make them better. I wish I could just relax. Even stuff that happened years ago. I keep creating alternate outcomes - better ones in my belief. Jeez!
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