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Old 01-21-2009, 03:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Can't seem to get excited about anything

So, I've been unemployed for the past 6 months and mostly hanging out with my family. Just recently I got a callback for a job I really wanted. It's very good money and I think I will probably get it. So, I should feel excited, right? I should, but I don't. Everything in life just seems so pointless. It's been 10 years since I first realized I had anxiety problems and through medication I've been able to "get by", but getting by doesn't make me happy. I'm still uncomfortable around people and make people uncomfortable around me. The older I get, the less confidence I have. I feel like a 27 year old in a teenagers body. It's like a vicious cycle that never ends. So, what's the best case scenario? I get this job, get my own place and then what? I don't know what's worse? Living at home with family or living by myself with no one to talk to. I'm just a horrible at socializing with people and it really bums me out. Unless someone is really talkative and never shuts up, people usually give up on me before I get comfortable with them. I try so hard to be outgoing that I end up exhausted at the end of the day and after all that work I still come off badly. I feel like it's gonna take a miracle to find some love in this world. And right now I feel like floating away, rather then continue living this nightmare.

Thanks for listening. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this, but it just kills me. I'm so sick of struggle.
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Old 01-21-2009, 04:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
So, I've been unemployed for the past 6 months and mostly hanging out with my family. Just recently I got a callback for a job I really wanted. It's very good money and I think I will probably get it. So, I should feel excited, right? I should, but I don't. Everything in life just seems so pointless. It's been 10 years since I first realized I had anxiety problems and through medication I've been able to "get by", but getting by doesn't make me happy. I'm still uncomfortable around people and make people uncomfortable around me. The older I get, the less confidence I have. I feel like a 27 year old in a teenagers body. It's like a vicious cycle that never ends. So, what's the best case scenario? I get this job, get my own place and then what? I don't know what's worse? Living at home with family or living by myself with no one to talk to. I'm just a horrible at socializing with people and it really bums me out. Unless someone is really talkative and never shuts up, people usually give up on me before I get comfortable with them. I try so hard to be outgoing that I end up exhausted at the end of the day and after all that work I still come off badly. I feel like it's gonna take a miracle to find some love in this world. And right now I feel like floating away, rather then continue living this nightmare.

Thanks for listening. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this, but it just kills me. I'm so sick of struggle.
sorry to hear about the way you are feeling.

when i was 18 i remember saying to myself ''if i cant live life to the full , if i cant be a special person, if cant have a sparkling personality , if i cant enjoy my life and enjoy being around people then what is the point in me being here.
if i dont one day in the future find out how to live a happy live to be a special person and be able relax around other people then im just gonna end my life ''

luckily over the years ive been on a journey of self discovery and i have found the answer to my prayers. i know how enjoy life, to be a spectacular person and be confy around people.

although i havent got there yet im so excited about life and my future (and by the way im 26 years old)

your attitude can take a full 360 degree turn , just give it time. you are just going through a rough spell were your future seems bleak but trust me there is light at the end of the tunnel
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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anxiousdude, I feel like your post is something I'd write myself. I realized I had social phobia when I was 16, and then I really understood it inside and out by the time I was 18. I am 21 now and my entire WORLD consists of behaviours that are influenced by social phobia. I find one of my favourite things to do lately is vent about anxiety on sites like this, write in my diary and fantasize about whoever I am obsessed with. My group of friends are a group from a social-skills camp I went to and most of them have learning disabilities. Although they do not have social phobia per se, I can relate to them in many ways - they feel incompetent in school and so do I (anxiety shuts down my ability to focus and concentrate). If I did not have this group of friends, I would have nobody. Anyway, being 21... I feel more like I am 14. I've had one major relationship that ended badly and left me feeling unattractive and made me feel like I had nothing to offer and that I had no personality.
Most of the time I feel like floating away instead of living, too. Its when life becomes impossible to live by avoiding everything that causes the problems. I am in university now and in my first year...and I have no idea how to continue after this. Class sizes next year are going to be smaller, there is going to be MORE group work, MORE presentations, and I will be expected to be more independent. I still have my mother do things for me (scheduling doctor's appointments, driving me places, helping me decide what courses to take, etc) and I feel as though I will never be able to grow up. I totally feel like social phobia is a 'vicious cycle' - as you described it. For the last 4 years I have broken down so many times that I can't even count them. When I reach my low points, I feel the same things:
- what is the point of living, when I feel disconnected all the time from avoiding
- here I am again, too afraid to face something new
- I can't get work done because I need a lot of downtime
- I wish I could wander the earth with no responsibilities and no need to talk to anyone
- I am so incompetent in school, what is the point of continuing with life?

I am going on medication soon because I feel it is my last resort. I have been through much therapy but my physical symptoms and feelings of incompetence get in the way of me being 'brave enough' to face new things. Posting on this site is one of my salvations in life.
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Old 01-21-2009, 10:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Well I can tell you it's probably going to be tough for you to live on your own unless you enjoy being somewhat isolated. I myself don't mind it to much but it's much less stressful than living with parents. That's just my opinion though, so it could be different for you. I would love to have someone to be around that I enjoy being with, but I really don't see that ever happening considering I never go out except for work.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by anxiousdude View Post
I don't know what's worse? Living at home with family or living by myself with no one to talk to.
I long ago figured out that there is no point in having your own place if you're simply going to be totally alone in it. Needing your own place rests upon the assumption that you actually have friends and would like privacy with them.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I long ago figured out that there is no point in having your own place if you're simply going to be totally alone in it. Needing your own place rests upon the assumption that you actually have friends and would like privacy with them.
I tend to do stuff for no purpose, so that might explain a lot about me haha.
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Old 01-22-2009, 10:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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If I were you I would take the job. It's a lot worse being on your own with no money than being on your own with money. At least the money will pay off for the stuff you want to buy and look after you when you are sick. Besides you don't have to move to your own place just because you are doing a job right?
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Old 01-22-2009, 10:30 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Hey I know how you're feeling. I can never seem to get excited about anything anymore and then people get mad at me for it. Everything seems kind of pointless in life if you can't go out and socialize and make friends. I dorm up at college (have been for the past 4 years) and live by myself. Trust me it is a million times worse to be alone all the time. I pretty much just say to myself that I'm going back to prison whenever I have to go back to school
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Old 01-22-2009, 10:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I'd be more anxious than excited at first, but it'd be a step in the right direction that I couldn't refuse. A well-paying, bearable job and my own place would be a dream come true for me. Even living alone, I'd finally have some privacy and self-esteem. Since I'm an unskilled college dropout without a driver's license in addition to being socially anxious, there's no chance in hell I'll ever have a shot at that.
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Old 03-07-2009, 03:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Just found this website, and am surprised about how much I can relate to these messages! I'm the WORST at socializing, and it hinders my life so much. I got laid off in late January and have been trying to find work. I've had a horrible time so far interviewing...I'm just TOO reserved and quiet. I just recently had an on-site visit (more like an interview in disguise) and think I totally messed it up because I didn't interact well and was too afraid to be myself. I think I have been able to be myself at times around people, but I'm always afraid to hit a point where I am too relaxed and may offend and so I back off. Sometimes being too analytical is a bad thing.

I do believe that there are a bunch of factors that contribute to social anxiety, and it's so damn hard to fix because everyone's reasons differ. The key, from my humble viewpoint, is to determine the root causes and work on resolving those step-by-step. There is no one solution to cure all and the answer I believe will come gradually. Ultimately, we all end up in the same place, and so life is to be enjoyed.
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Old 03-07-2009, 05:12 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I understand the feeling of not being excited. I tend to fall into that a lot. My girlfriend (who I only even met because she is the most outgoing person in the world) usually feels bad around holidays when she hands me my present. She knows I like it, but I never show surprise. Just last night, we watched Taken (good movie if I do say so myself) and as we were talking about it she mentioned how she wishes she could just give me a gift that I would get excited about for once. I felt really bad about it and had no idea it could be related to my anxiety until I came across this thread.
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Old 03-08-2009, 12:28 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I don't feel excited about anything either. The future just seems bleak, like a wasteland. I try to just be content in the moment, but its tough, my mind is always racing ahead looking for something I don't have.
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Old 09-05-2010, 11:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I'm in the same boat as you guys. I've found that you reach a point where you have no choice but to be optimistic because the alternative is not living at all. I'm still struggling a lot though still. For example, there have been many times I've got excited in the past about exploring different career paths but I've ultimately failed at everything I ever attempted. I feel paralyzed lately, and I really cannot seem to find passion or get excited about anything these days. Nonetheless, I'm trying to push on and hope something sparks my interest eventually.
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Old 04-09-2011, 07:53 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Same here! like my dad was taking our family on a trip to disney and everyone was like giddy and happy, but i wasn't. i felt bad about it and told him several times i was excited and happy (and i truly was) but he just didn't seem to believe me. once we got down there though he could tell i was having a wonderful time. sometimes the excitement comes later on certain things others none at all. I think it was mostly caused by this breif time of excitement and anxiety i had that was so strong I actually became sick for a few days. eversince then I feel that I rarely become excited.
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Old 07-21-2011, 04:08 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Default Can't get excited

Well i am on the same track as you guys are except I have a job but not upto my expectations. I have struggled really hard in my life till now and believe me there is a very long trial of failures. I believe that after facing so many failures and hardship i have some how got immune to all this and these troubles no longer surprise me any more and there are so many grievances that when some happiness comes to me it can only reduce grief but ain't enough to let me enter in to excitement it is like that if we put it in maths it would be some thing as -50,000grief + 500 happiness = -49,500grief.
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Old 08-14-2011, 11:02 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I can't get excited about anything either, and I can't figure out what's bothering me. I think I've given up hope that anything good can come out of this world. I can vent about the world but people will tell me that I'm the one who needs to change. Everything just seems like a lie to me. Nothing seems real anymore. It's all just a show and I have a choice of either dreading in the audience or being a part of it. Even if it all seems like hogwash. And in a split second, as I write this blog, I realized that I can't get excited about things because I'm focusing on the wrong things in my life. I have to focus on the things that I can get excited about, not focus on the crap the social media is dishing out. It's good to write things out .
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Old 09-21-2011, 10:05 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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hey man i feel the same no different...ive been living with it for my whole life and only realized i had severe anxiety when i decided to take a course in picking up girls(ive always had tones of knowledge and pretty popular friends but i can't connect to people because of anxiety and depression so no point to go out anywhere and have panic symptoms 24/7) i actually beat it because when you listen to someone motivating like a coach you actually become relaxed if there relaxed and you listen deeply... i started thinking logical for the first time and became really high self esteemed within a couple of days and it was a totally different world... i live pretty much in a black cage and for these 2 months it was high on life... and now my confidence and self esteem that i built got turned around. my body never relaxes and im always anqious whoever im talking to and i always withdraw because i just am agitated inside and so edgy that i have nothing exciting and good to talk about and it's always people talking about how happy they are ... and you tend to try to listen but because your needy people never take you serious... girls tend to take my anxiety away but i dont have them in my life and it always seems so forced to try and get a girl.... because i thought this was normal my whole life im use to it... its anoying because i know social skills but my body wont let me relax... so i just isolated my self for about 5 years now im 22 , it seems like im always desparate for attention...its to the point where my self esteem and depression is so low that i can't even feel my emotions.. its like a fairy tale land.. nor can i concentrate or focus not even on movies.. i started therapy but not working due to anxiety so i guess medication.. but if that doesn't work then ill end it .... it hurt's because when i was thinking straight i straight away became very articulate suave, popular,life of the party, and smart as a mother ****er... and became fine tune with how the mind works and phycology but because i was in my head all the time and based the luck on girls i was focused on results and anylized everything and so sensative to other people, and ofcourse once you doubt yourself and your a compulsive thinker you loose it problem is alot of people bilieve in me but i dont have control over my thoughts or my body... i have constant adrenaline running through i can't even drink because of anxiety you know it would be nice to be just normal... im such a perfectionist too... but anxiety ****s your coordination and intuition... i have so much talent but being fearfull and so concious how can i use it.. that's why i cant take it because so many ****en people have a chance to use there brain and they don't take oppurtunities.. for my suggestion's to you guys take a pickup course... you can probaly overcome social anxiety... my problem is i couldn't connect to people it was lust more then real.. ;( i felt i so do not deserve happyness...its easier to stay home then to go out and if i go out i cant wait to go home and the only good thing is i pushed my body to dance and force myself to pretend to be happy and = relaxed... i can still go out clubbing and after appraoching 20 groups then my body is calm but im still depressed and paralized so **** it .... i feel you man
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Old 10-15-2011, 04:25 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I've just come across this thread, and the first posters comments really resonated with me. I think for most people they experience these kinds of social anxieties as a teenager and learn to cope with them at that point. If they have a good teenage experience it creates abundance in their lives which seems to improve over time, if they have a bad experience as a teenager it spirals downwards and they become victims in life of the system by not having the self confidence to say what they want and need, people they interact with pick up on these weaknesses and use it to their advantages, and someone with a reflective personality, could pick up on this and shut down over time (potentially leading to depression).

On a day to day basis, i'm at a place in life where I'm pretty content, i now feel comfortable with saying what i want to/from people (but that doesn't necessarily mean i always get what i want). I have been confident, and have lost confidence, the loss has mainly stemmed from what others have said to me - "i appear unconfident / shy / quiet" - this is feedback that i have never asked for nor appreciate - but other people feel the need to say it. My advice to anyone who is in this situation - never listen to what others have to say - if you are content in life, who cares what others think. If you yourself feel you aren't content and want to up your game then that is you're choice. - I always look at the argument that actors and singers are very confident, but its fake, they use their confidence to make money - OUR society mostly see this as the norm, - it really isn't for most of us, most people don't have to act to make money, they have real skills.

I have highs and i have lows daily, and these balance pretty equally. However, i find that being on my own for long periods, (or even just an evening) the following day i will struggle to get out of bed and be able to socially interact. There is almost a void when I'm speaking to people the following day like i have lost the ability to make small talk or think of something to say. I would therefore never recommend anyone with social anxiety live or be on their own.

Over the last 5 years, where i work have really pushed my social interactions. They made all graduates in the company go on team building exercises. I hated every minute of it at the time - we had to share rooms, talk to people we didn't know, and generally try and grow as individuals. I was far behind the others in terms of my ability to do this, others seemed to make instant friends for life, whereas i was instantly guarded and didn't make any, i like my space, i prefer not to make small talk. Although i hated it at the time, not having my own space, i can remember that at the end, i felt more free to express an opinion or joke, something i would otherwise keep bottled up. I felt like i had been accepted into the group and that my opinion mattered. Im not sure what it is (but i can trace mine back to my teenage hood), but some people find this state of mind very easy, they feel comfortable to say what they want in others presence and aren't worried about consequences for their actions, for others it is really difficult.

So in summary, avoid living on your own, live with people who you can talk to and feel comfortable around - even if its your parents or siblings, not doing so will only hinder your feelings and ability to interact and potentially lead to depression or the feeling of loneliness. Try to find friends who respect you for who you are, faults included. Find ones who don't put you down, find ones who are like yourself and who can appreciate the ups and downs. If you are content, then don't let anyone tell you that you need to up your game, or tell you that who you are is wrong, this world has many different kinds of people - and not everyone is the same - we are however all contributors in some form.
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Old 01-04-2013, 06:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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It is a result of when you are confused from inside and want to know 'the thing I m doing is right? 'is that I want to do?'. You can try fix it by going out every day and meet people(it works for me), I m saying this because I have somewhat fixed it using this method.
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:49 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I understand the feeling of not being excited. I tend to fall into that a lot. My girlfriend (who I only even met because she is the most outgoing person in the world) usually feels bad around holidays when she hands me my present. She knows I like it, but I never show surprise. Just last night, we watched Taken (good movie if I do say so myself) and as we were talking about it she mentioned how she wishes she could just give me a gift that I would get excited about for once. I felt really bad about it and had no idea it could be related to my anxiety until I came across this thread.
You should tell her that her company is the greatest gift of all.
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